So I posted here about two years ago, and got some great advice. I had a huge crush on my closeted "straight" roommate- neither of us had come out to each other. We eventually came out to each other, and it turned into a quasi-relationship that lasted until a couple of months ago. We had to sneak around a lot, but it was the first legitimate relationship either of us had ever had. He recently moved out of town so we decided to put it on hold for now, but we still talk and things are like normal again whenever he comes back home. So just wanted to report my "success story!" Since then, I graduated from college and am still living and working in my college town. Loving life for the most part- enjoying living the college life and not having to go to school! I have come out to probably 20-25 people and am totally at the point now where I don't care who tells who. Not keeping any secrets anymore, and I don't necessarily feel the need to make a big deal out of coming out anymore. Feels REALLY good. ANYWAY, so I'm sort of in my original situation again with a different guy. This guy is a couple of years younger than me, still in college. I know him from a club that I was in, and our group stays pretty tight, even after graduation, which is nice. So I see him mostly at parties, which means we are both usually drunk... We're not super close, but have a friendly/flirty relationship. I'm 99% certain he's into guys, so I've been able to remove that layer of doubt, fortunately. What I don't know is where he's at in his coming out process, or if he's even out to anyone at all. He hasn't come out to me but I'm not really a close friend of his so it probably wouldn't have warranted a conversation with me. Not sure if it's assumed in the group that he is or isn't. It's really just sort of ambiguous. It's difficult to signal my feelings in this sort of situation without overtly asking "Are you gay?" So, I've been slowly starting to "plant the seed" I guess. Our demeanor is pretty flirty, but I'm never sure if I'm overanalyzing and making something out of nothing. Two weeks ago, we were both at the same party and ended up walking back to his place together with a couple of other people. My lesbian wingman left me alone with him at his place and we just sort of awkwardly sat in his living room, neither of us sure really what to do. I was pretty wasted, so I'm not sure how long this went on. Maybe half an hour? I still don't know if he was just being polite, or was waiting for me to make some kind of move. So eventually one of his roommates came home and they both decided it was time for bed, so she went to bed and so did he, and they invited me to stay the night on their couch. So, shit, then the drunk texting starts. Me: Can I come hang with you? haha Me: Fuck. Awk. Oh well Then he responded the next morning: Him: Sorry! Just saw these this morning lol So I left it alone for two weeks. I figured the more I prod the more he'll think I'm a crazy person. I saw him again last night, at another party. We chatted on and off all night, and we left to go to another house for a bit, and came back and everyone had left the party. (The party was at his house.) Again, we were in the same situation... me and him just sitting there awkwardly. Right before everyone had left I texted him: Me: Umm can I stay here or is that weird? (Insinuating I want to stay...with him? Or is that not obvious?) Him: You can stay here, I am going to bed though :/ (Shit, rejected?) Then I awkwardly said to him "oh, so you're going to bed? I'll probably just take off then." So I left and finally went home. Okay, more drunk texting. Anyone still reading? Congrats. Me: Sorry. (not sure what I was going for here. Again, very drunk) Him: You have nothing to be sorry about! I am just tired as shit and not feeling super hot... Me: Haha just didn't know what you were thinkin Him: Nono I'm sorry I kicked you out!! The night is kinda catching up to me right now so I feel shitty Me: Haha I'm sorry you don't feel well! Kinda bummed Him: It's ok. I'm gonna try to sleep now lol (Admittedly, this is when I should have stopped) Me: Fuck sorry! Am I totally off base here? You can tell me haha (After no response) Me: ?? (15 minutes later) Me: K totally read the situation wrong? haha have a good night! So I woke up this morning and re-read all of this and I have NO IDEA what to make of it. I have no idea if I'm being politely rejected or if he's intrigued and doesn't know how to handle it. Part of me thinks someone "straight" or deeply in denial wouldn't even respond at all, and would probably be awkward about it, but he seems totally cool. Not sure what my next steps are from here, but several seeds have definitely been planted and at least he knows where I stand now. Anyone have any general thoughts about the situation?
My thoughts are that texting is getting in the way of things rather than being an asset here. You could have said that you'd like to play around if he was up for it. Or even something less direct. But waiting until after you are not in his company, and then texting seems like game playing. When guys have had a bit to drink, and then others are not around, that is the time if ever there is a time. I have learned that much. Stop the text messages, and delayed games. Get him slightly juiced, and then say it easy and lightly, so it could be laughed off if needed.
Absolutely agree! I'm the first to admit that was a terrible way to approach the situation. I don't think I'll see him again for a few days. I think I'll not try to do anything the next time I see him, just to give it a break. Anyone else have any thoughts about what went down? I'm feeling more and more optimistic after talking about it with a couple friends.
yeah i'd definately say give the texting a rest. try to approach him face to face instead, preferrably when you're sober enough to be able to think about what you're doing but still drunk enough to dare to.. and i think that just generally, like you've said yourself, giving it a rest for a while is a good idea.
