Basically, long story short, there's a guy I really, really like. Since I realised I liked him, I haven't noticed anybody else, and I stopped liking people I liked beforehand too. I don't know if you'd say I'm in love but it's definitely the closest I've ever been to it. I'm friends with him and his group of friends (he's a junior in high school and I'm a senior, but I'm not leaving for university this year so we'll still have a year and a half together as a group). I told him I liked him and he turned me down, seemingly over the fact that he isn't gay (though he's pretty quiet and I didn't quite catch exactly what he said. I know he didn't word it as I'm straight though, it was much more of a mumble idk). Our group of friends think he's not straight, probably bisexual, and he's previously told one girl he isn't gay but that he "may dabble in-between depending on the situation". After I told him I liked him, he talked about it with the same girl, and told her he'd happily date me except for when it came down to the sexual stuff. Another guy said yesterday at a party (after coming out as bisexual) that he thinks the guy finds my confidence, and the fact that I know I'm gay and I know what I want, intimidating, rather than he doesn't like me or he's straight. And that's the problem. I'm really not confident. I hate my body, and when I thought of him, it wasn't having sex that I thought of, but being with him. It was more of a case of 'I'll just have to deal with my issues and have sex with him if the time ever came'. So this seems perfect, because I really, really like him, and I don't particularly feel the need/want to have sex with him or anyone at the moment, and he said he'd want the same thing. And this is my dilemma. Does he actually mean he'd happily date me if sex wasn't a question, or is it more hypothetical-never-gonna-happen type of situation? I don't know how he feels about kissing, which for me is really a must, but I'm not sure if it's even worth pursuing. If I did, I'd probably ask the girl to ask him what he'd think about it all and go from there. Is what most people would consider half a relationship worth it? Do you think you can have a fulfilling relationship if nothing more than kissing occurs? Should I just let it go? I'm just worried I'll regret it later if I don't even ask, but at the same time he said no before and I don't know if that means I should just try and move on, even though the circumstances have slightly changed.
I apologise if I'm reading the signs wrong, but it seems to me that you feel quite self-conscious about yourself. You do however, seem to be pretty happy with who you are in a mental state. I think it's important for any relationship to be meaningful, without that, I don't think that the "relationship" is worth it. Although, it also seems that this guy has a lot of "self-exploring" to do and he may still need some time to work out exactly how he feels. I don't think he would rule out a relationship with you, but maybe he's scared about moving forward in a relationship to the more *ahem* Shall we say, intimate details? Anyway, maybe he will work out what he needs to soon enough. We all had those times of realising who we were and maybe that's just what he's going through at the moment? Let me know what you think. Hope this helped.
I'm confident about myself on the outside. I'm not bad looking, I'm easy to get along with, and I appear skinny, but I'm not actually as skinny as I seem without a shirt on (you wouldn't describe me as fat or anything, not that that would be an issue, but I think it's mainly more me worrying about it than people actually finding me unattractive because of it), and whilst I'm not against having sex I'm still fairly self-conscious about my appearance when it comes down to it, and not having sex but still having a relationship seems like a good middle ground. But can you have meaning without sex? He really isn't the type to be in the closet about things, he's just quite a quiet and shy guy generally, but I don't think it would be an issue if we actually dated, certainly not with our group of friends. That's exactly what I think regarding the intimate details, but I don't know if I should let him know we're on the same page about the level of relationship we'd want or if I should just move on. Thank you for the help!
I definitely agree that a relationship can have meaning without sex. And I don't think that that would make the relationship an issue. You should definitely have a conversation with him to, as you said, make sure you're on the same page. Make your feelings knon, and ask him how he feels.
Thank you for the help! I'll talk to the girl about it and see what she thinks. I just know if I don't ask about it I'll regret it in the long run because I really like him.
i think that sounds like a great plan! good luck a relationship doesn't have to have sex in it to be serious or emotionally intimate. it's about how you feel and there are many other ways to show affection other than to go to bed with someone. and if the relationship lasts, and you both get more comfortable with yourselves and each other, there might be a day when you decide to add sex to the relationship as well. no need to rush!
Yes has exactly the right idea; to be honest, I'm pretty much like that too; When I think about a guy I like, I don't picture the sexual relationship. I drop the word sexual and focus on how the relationship would be. I guess I'm just a bit of a romantic But still, that's proof that you don't have to worry about that stuff when dating someone
Thank you both of you! I talked to the girl about it today (she had no idea I wasn't sexually confident either) and she's planning to talk to him for me soon. It was weird but it was the first time I'd ever liked someone and I had stopped noticing new people/liking old people, and where I didn't even consider sex, but thought instead about just how much I want to be with him. It's a really nice feeling to have, and as I said above, definitely the closest I've ever been to being in love.
Just don't wait until marriage or any other serious commitment ("boyfriends" isn't serious). Sex is a large part of a relationship and so is that compatibility.
I'm 17, and he's 16, so that's definitely a long way off! But yes, thank you, that's a big thing to consider. I wouldn't wait until marriage before sleeping with someone, in case we aren't at all compatible in that way.
