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how do i stop feeling embarrassed / scared?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by woundsneverheal, Dec 2, 2012.

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  1. woundsneverheal

    woundsneverheal Guest

    okay , so my ex boyfriend knows that i'm questioning my sexuality because we were on Skype with my other friend talking about how i have hand fetish and he asked "are you lesbian or something?" and i felt scared because i didn't know right?...and well i told him that , i was like "i don't know" then he said "are you bisexual?" and i was like "i don't know" and he was like "how do you not know if your bisexual or lesbian?"
    and i felt embarrassed and just told him , a lot of girls question their sexuality and that it didn't matter....and well he was messing with me "so your bisexual" and i was honestly scared of him telling people that because i don't know and i know i shouldn't care but i can't help but feeling scared?

    so how do i stop feeling embarrassed when it comes to talking about the questioning my sexuality to people?
     
    #1 woundsneverheal, Dec 2, 2012
  2. phospholipase

    phospholipase Guest

    With time. I can't think of anything more helpful than letting it happen by itself.
     
    #2 phospholipase, Dec 2, 2012
  3. woundsneverheal

    woundsneverheal Guest

    letting what happen
     
    #3 woundsneverheal, Dec 3, 2012
  4. snowflurry

    snowflurry
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    Agreed- you're going to need time to let yourself get used to yourself.
    It's not going to come right away, but you have to give yourself time and take it slow to figure things out. Even then, you're not going to be totally comfortable with everything. Yeah, you might feel awkward and embarassed talking about it to other people. But you'll get used to it. Not right away, maybe more than a few years even, but it'll come and you'll get over it eventually.
     
    #4 snowflurry, Dec 3, 2012
  5. FunnyMonkey

    FunnyMonkey
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    I know it can be scary to talk to people about your sexuality especially when you're questioning. Do you have a Gay Straight Alliances (GSA) in your area ? I think being with like minded people would help.

    And you do NOT need to pick a label for yourself , you can just go with how you feel to that person or persons.
     
    #5 FunnyMonkey, Dec 3, 2012
  6. woundsneverheal

    woundsneverheal Guest

    yeah , a year down so far but i think it's been a pretty awesome year, if i say so myself
    but i've met someone during the summer so i guess thats why it feels awesome to me
     
    #6 woundsneverheal, Dec 3, 2012
  7. snowflurry

    snowflurry
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    Well if you feel good about it then yeah that's awesome, regardless of the reason! A lot can change in a year. And if a lot can change in a year, a lot can change in 2 years, 3 years, etc etc etc.
     
    #7 snowflurry, Dec 3, 2012
  8. woundsneverheal

    woundsneverheal Guest


    are you talking about sexuality? or something else?
     
    #8 woundsneverheal, Dec 3, 2012
  9. snowflurry

    snowflurry
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    No I meant more progress with yourself, though I guess some people think sexuality is fluid. Not saying I disagree 100%, but I don't really think sexuality wise you can change that much. More like you become more aware of yourself, more comfortable with yourself. You know?
     
    #9 snowflurry, Dec 3, 2012
  10. woundsneverheal

    woundsneverheal Guest

    yeah , i'm trying to become aware of myself if that makes any sense??
     
    #10 woundsneverheal, Dec 3, 2012
  11. snowflurry

    snowflurry
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    Yeah I get where you're coming from- I was there a couple years ago and I can honestly say that I'm alooooot more aware of myself and the world around me now. I think it's the age too, kind of-- like at 17 I'd say I'm growing up a lot more than I was like 3 years ago, say. And I'm probably a lot happier too.
     
    #11 snowflurry, Dec 3, 2012
  12. woundsneverheal

    woundsneverheal Guest

    a lot of people said that , i'm going through a phase since i'm 16 ..but i don't know if its true or not....it's not like i labeled myself anyways haha
     
    #12 woundsneverheal, Dec 3, 2012
  13. snowflurry

    snowflurry
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    I felt like at 16 (for me at least) I was old enough that it wasn't just a phase...like I understood myself well enough. I'm not saying I didn't go through a pretty long questioning period because I definitely did (which was a pretty rough time)- but don't listen to what the other people are saying. In the end, you're really the only one who can make that call.
     
    #13 snowflurry, Dec 3, 2012
  14. woundsneverheal

    woundsneverheal Guest

    yeah , i don't know why i listen to other people...i guess it's because i feel like they know me better than i know myself since , i feel i don't know myself at all , i know it's confusing
     
    #14 woundsneverheal, Dec 3, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 3, 2012
  15. snowflurry

    snowflurry
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    Word...especially when you feel soo unsure about yourself it's easy to let other people get to you. Like for me the self-denial was pretty bad, I really tried hard to convince myself it was a phase or that it was all nothing. And I felt pretty lost. But once I actually put significant effort into trying to understand myself for who I was, it all worked out well for me.
     
    #15 snowflurry, Dec 3, 2012
  16. woundsneverheal

    woundsneverheal Guest

    that's i feel now , lost...i didn't feel that way this summer because i met someone online who somehow just took all the questioning and worries away...i don't how she did it but those 6 months of questioning went away for 3 months after i started talking to her
     
    #16 woundsneverheal, Dec 3, 2012
  17. snowflurry

    snowflurry
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    Hmmm...why though? Did you just need something (or someone) to distract you from all that?
     
    #17 snowflurry, Dec 3, 2012
  18. woundsneverheal

    woundsneverheal Guest

    i don't know...everyone gave me the same advice to just relax and what not but i didn't but when she came along , it only took 2 days until , i just felt myself forget the questioning...and worries

    you can read my story...it's called , a story of a girl if you'd like

    http://emptyclosets.com/forum/chit-chat/76458-story-girl-long.html
     
    #18 woundsneverheal, Dec 3, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 3, 2012
  19. snowflurry

    snowflurry
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    I just went and read that story but that's pretty intense...
    hmmm...I think maybe you just needed to talk to someone and get out everything that was on your mind. Like you were kind of keeping it all locked inside but once you started talking to her you let out all the stress.
     
    #19 snowflurry, Dec 3, 2012
  20. woundsneverheal

    woundsneverheal Guest

    i didn't exactly , get anything out , ...i mean...i just told her i didn't trust my feeling (i kept the emails)...and she just said to let it play out by itself like everyone else said to do but for some reason , i let it played out when she said to ...but
    i mean...she does mean something to me , i care about her more than i should...and i'm trying to get her off my mind since she's emotionally stunted but i can't do it.

    i didn't get anything out because i got it out when i asked the questions on yahoo answers so she knew what was going on...so there wasn't anymore to say since i've already let everything out in the questions i posted
     
    #20 woundsneverheal, Dec 3, 2012
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