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it feels as if my world's falling apart

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by speedboy3, Dec 2, 2012.

  1. speedboy3

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    columbus, ohio
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Im gonna apologize right now if this gets really long and rambley...I need to vent.

    I feel as if my worlds falling apart. Tonight might be the last time I'll ever see my sister (lets call her M) again. She's suicidal and everyone knows it but she refuses to get help. It got so bad that my other sister (A) called the police on the grounds that M is a danger to herself. This all started last night when she broke up with ber boyfriend. I dont know what exactly happened, but we spent all night trying to find her with no success. She turned up this morning during church and all day we've been watching her, making sure she doesn't do anything stupid.

    It just kept getting worse and worse. At one point while I was keeping an eye on her while my parents were discussing how to get her to get help (she refuses to go on her own), she told me that she thinks it would be better if she was watching us from above, and she started giving me advice on how to be happy in life, to top it all off, when she overheard A say something about her getting help, she said she was leaving. When I asked where, she said that she was going somewhere where nothing mattered. That scared the living shit out of me. I ran downstairs and told everyone what she said. That's when the police got involved.

    There was a problem though. As soon as the police showed up, M acted as if nothing was wrong. She spoke the first rational sentence I had heard from her all night. She lied about everything that the cops asked her about. So of course with our legal system being the way it is, since the cops didnt see any evidence that M posed a threat to herself or others, even with all of us saying what we heard her say and everything, they couldn't do anything. After they left I went out to the garage. I guess I didn't want my family to see me cry. I'm supposed to be the big strong son who doesn't cry for anything, hell I didn't cry at my own grandfathers funeral and I loved that man as much as a grandkid can love his grandfather withought it being considered incest, but here I was in the middle of the garage crying my eyes out cause I was so afraid. I don't want to lose my sister.

    I don't know how long I was out there for, but when I came back in, A was yelling at M saying how M was so selfish and alot of other things I don't really want to repeat here. In the end M left. I don't know where. I was in shock at the things A said to M. They love each other so much, and for her to freak out like that, Id never seen anything like it before. A and my mom argued for a while and finally they broke down crying and A left shortly afterwards.

    I was going to come out to M today. I had everything planned out and then this shit happened. Now all Im worried about is wether or not Ill ever see her again. The only remotely positive thing was that she told me that out of all the people who sat with her today, I was the only one who made her feel better, but thats not really helping right now.

    I honestly dont know what to do. I cant believe something like this would happen to us. I don't want to lose my sister, but I don't know what to do. I feel so helpless right now. Im afraid to go to sleep because I don't want to wake up to someone telling me she's gone. I just can't bear the thought of losing her. I don't care what mistakes shes made or anything, I just want to know that shes gonna be ok. Thats what scares me most of all, the not knowing if shes ok or not.

    Again sorry for the wall of text. Its been a really long night.
     
  2. dano22

    dano22 Guest

    i am sorry for what is happening with your sisters. It is hard to find the right and the more you go on trying to find that right time you will realize there is no such thing but your situation at that moment there was no way you or even I would come out in that kind of situation. I have the some problem with my family there is never a good time to talk about and thats why it is so hard. However this is more serious than any situation I have ever been in.

    Before you come out let the situation cool down. Your sisters need a lot of help and support and they might need some therapist to help them do that. Coming out i am afraid needs to be put on the back burner it sucks i know but there is nothing you can do about it and its not your fault.