Yes Virginia, there is worse than rock bottom...and i've found it

I'm not sure i totally understand whats going on but i think what you are saying is you like someone or did something with someone that now is ignoring you and you feel like your friends aren't really there for you. If thats the case there is not much you can do about the guy if he doesn't want to talk to you. You will need to move on because as much as it sucks you can't make someone like you back. It's a hard thing if you re the one with the feelings though. And if he just used you or something he's a piece of crap anyway so learn the lesson from it and you won't be in that osition again. As far as your friends go they aren't mind readers and people get caught up in their own stuff so ask them for help don't expect them to just know on their own.

 

Have you talked with your friends about it? It's possible that they're not sure how to handle the news, so they're following your lead on it. Since you aren't bringing it up, they might feel they don't have to either. If your friends were supportive coming out, I'm sure that they'd be willing to talk with you about it - you might just need to initiate that conversation. You know, communication is key, even in friendships.

Talk to him about what? Is it that you've got feelings for him? If that is the case, you should note that just having the answers you need won't necessarily make the feelings go away.

Also, you don't need to be with a guy/girl to know whether you're gay/straight. It's about your attraction, your desire, and you don't need to sleep with someone to know that. If guys catch your eye, then maybe you're gay. If not, then maybe you're straight.

There's nothing wrong with you. Perhaps you're looking for people in the wrong places. Where have you been going/what have you been doing to find guys/girls?

Those stages are normal. They're called the stages of grief. What are you grieving? Well, the loss of your identity, of course. Sounds farfetched, but if you think about it, it makes a lot of sense. We've even got them posted here because everyone goes through them.

 

Ok well if he did it out of curiosty then there is a good chance he is just as confused as you are. Same if he likes you and that is all new for him. He will have to figure that out in his own and he may not anytime soon so all you can do is deal with you. It sounds like you have good friends and that is a blessing many people don't have that. Give yourself time to figure things out. Trying to force it and decide everything now won't work and will just take you further down the road you're on right now. Try to become ok with not being ok with it if that makes sense.

 

First of all: very deep breaths, here! Yes, this is a confusing situation. However, it is not one where jumping to conclusions will help you.

I mean: reread the following paragraph:

Essentially, you DON'T know the answer to your questions. Yes, I endorse coming up with ideas of what might be going on. It helps in preparing for all eventualities. In previous threads, I even came up with a few ideas of my own.

But that's all preparation. No matter how much you dread it... a plan needs a confrontation with reality. Might be that he's shy, might be that he's unsure, might be that he's not willing to take this further. But trust me on this: knowing from him will be better than coming here, 5 years down the line, and wondering "did I make a terrible mistake by never asking him?"


Also, we're talking about two things here:
- Not asking him what his position is, assuming the worst, and even changing jobs and moving based on an answer you never got
- Asking him what his position is, and then determining what to do.

...that's almost a no-brainer, no? There's no way to look at it and have answer 1 be the best option.


Yes, talking is hard. But to snap out of the overanalysing, maybe do the following: write out what you would want to tell. What questions you want to ask. Hell, see it as a coming-out letter. Post it here for us to offer some input. That could already be a valuable step on the way of working up the courage to move beyond overanalysing into dealing with this.

 

Hey if he has been out for almost 10 years i don't understand why he did something out of curiousity. That doesn't make sense unless he has been out but this was his first time doing something but i doubt it after 10 years of being out. It sounds like maybe he just wanted to mess around and the fact that you hadn't before was something he liked. You've got to talk to him and if there is no answer there or a hurtful one just again take the lesson and move on. If he is the kind of guy it sounds like he could be you will be better off without him trust me even if you don't see that right now. You will never be happy with a guy like that if you're looking for something real.