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gender/trans help

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Jim, Dec 3, 2012.

  1. Jim

    Jim
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    Hi so I've just joined here because I need some help/ advice.

    Basically, I was born female, and I've always dressed like a girl and things, but I was always much more of a tomboy than my friends. I've had a pixie cut/ boy short hair since I was like 13. I recently-ish found out about androgyny, and at first I was like "yep, that's me" and I made an effort to dress in a more ambiguous way. I wear guys' boxers and I hardly EVER wear a skirt. I'm just confused because I've been doing a lot of research on transgender girls to boys, and it got me thinking. At the moment I identify as genderqueer (though only to myself and a couple of internet friends) because I feel uncomfortable with being a girl. I've always preffered being boys in games, I roleplay ('cause I'm nerdy :grin:) as men and I've always preffered male titles, such as king over queen and duke over duchess etc. I also hate my boobs, even though I'm like size AA and I used to want them to be bigger so I felt more womanly, but now I wish they didn't exist at all.

    So basically this has been really rambly, but I can't really sort my head out at the moment because it's not that I'm trans because I'd have known than from birth right? I just don't like being a girl, and I'm not sure if I want to be a guy or not, but I DO know I want a male name (my screen name here is Jim but that's not my real name). I've been mentally labelling myself trans just because that's an easier label than "I don't know what the heck I am"

    For a period of time though I felt like a gay guy trapped in a girls body (even though I'm pansexual idk).

    So I don't know whether I'm hating my body and wanting it to be different (in which case I just have poor self confidence), or hating my gender and wanting it to change (in which case I should maybe talk to my therapist even though that terrifies me)

    Thanks for reading c:
     
  2. im not trans so im not really the biggest of help but many trans people find out later in life, most just knew something is missing.

    no one really here can answer who/what you are, its all about self discovery. it might be frustrating while you figure things out though. if you havent got anyone prof to talk to it might be a good idea to talk to a counciler (sp?) or someone like that.
     
  3. Ettina

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    Not trans either, but from what I've heard, you don't always know it from birth. I've heard of people who realized they were trans when they were middle-aged, even. You can push something down if you have no words for it or permission to acknowledge it, and you can be unaware of it yourself. Especially if it was always there, you don't know how it is to not feel that way.

    At least, that's how it was for discovering I'm autistic and asexual. Part of me always knew I was different, but if you'd asked me how I was different, when I was younger, I couldn't have given you a clear answer. And I certainly had no idea I was asexual, because no one had ever told me what sexual feelings actually felt like and that it was possible to not feel them.
     
  4. Ashton

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    I am trans and I didn't know from birth. There were always signs throughout my life that I am male in a female shell but it wasn't obvious to me until I fit all the pices together. Many people saw the signs but it's down to you to decide what gender you are, if any. Don't rush into catagorising yourself; there's nothing wrong with being genderless :slight_smile: I have yet to talk to a gender therapist because I don't feel the need to right now; I hate my body yeah but I'd rather go on hating it and experiment before I make anything official. I'm sure you know in your heart what you are.

    ---------- Post added 3rd Dec 2012 at 11:02 PM ----------

    I went through the phase of wanting bigger boobs and bigger lips etc btw, but then I started reading up about being trans and realised that's me and now I laugh at the thought of having bigger boobs - I can't wait for them to be gone!
     
  5. Farouche

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    I had to hear about other people identifying as gender-neutral, and then think about it for a while before I realized I was one of them.

    If you have a therapist or councellor who's familiar with non-binary genders (not just trans, other kinds of genders as well) they can be very helpful. If they're not familiar with different gender identities, they may assume that you are either a young woman or a young transman, and make matters worse. In the latter case you could message one of the EC advisors if you want to talk one-on-one.
     
  6. confuzzled82

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    I have also always known I'm different. If I had been asked when I was a child, I might have said I'm a robot. When I finally learned AND accepted that I'm on the autism spectrum, I finally was able to start understanding things about myself. My realizations mostly started with discovering I am attracted to. males, and females, and those inbetween. Later I realizede that still wasn't quite all. Coming to these realizations and accepting them actually made it easier to approach people that I am intereste3d in. The most important point of this is just be yourself. To hell with what society thinks. Hiding yourself from everyone (including yourself) isn't healthy.