so this is my first post on this site. I am just looking to get some opinions on how i should move forward with my friendship with my best friend. This gentleman and I have been best friends coming up on just over a year now. We are grown adults (24 &25) living in an urban enviorment. I am an openly gay male with tons of support and love from my family and friends. My best friend who indentifies as straight has been really throwing a wrench into my life. A little back story on him: Hes a good looking popular guy with a great family and friends. The strange thing that all of his really close friends are lesbians. His roommate is even a lesbian. Hes extrmely accepting of the homesxual community and always extrmely supportive. Every weekend hes always going out to the gay bars and always attends every pride event he can. He does frequently have sex with girls (some who are actually lesbians) and stands 100% by the fact that he is straight. So about 3 months ago i had realzied that i had fallen pretty hard for him. We went out as normal on a saturday night and we got pretty messed up. I eneded up confessing my love for him and things took an interesting turn. When i told him i loved him he said he was sorry but that he was not gay. That night we ended up cuddling on the couch which was nice. Next thing i know we are kissing and after about 3 of 4 times of hestitation we finally took it to the next level. He had wanted to have anal sex with me but i wouldnt let him do that. He did however go down on me and i went down on him. It was an amazing moment for me. I edventually got off and he did not. He then made the comment "well atleast i know im not gay now". So over the past month things got really complicated for me. I was in a dark place becuase i knew i wanted to be with him. When we did talk about it tho he told me it was a mistake and never should have happend. Over time i relazied that i needed to cut him from my life for sometime so that i could heal and get over him. But when i told him i didnt want to be his friend any more he told me that that wasnt an option becusae he loved me to much (as a friend) to let me go. So i tried to remain his friend but i just couldnt do it. edventually i started to ignore his texts and calls so i wouldnt have to see him. After i decdied i was able to move on i reached out for him becuase i did really miss him in my life. Things have been good for a couple of weeks but my feelings keep creeping back up on me. Ever since i started stalking to him about me moving on and the boys i was going on dates with he has seemed kinda blue. Hes being quiet around me now and not going out as much. He has made out with his ex girl friend in front of me which made me pretty upset but i decided to just go and find a guy i could make out with. Basically i am just trying to get a feeling on what people think... I respect him a lot and i want to believe that he is straight. But at the same time i find it hard to believe that a truly straight man would go down on a gay man and want to have anal sex with him. I know its silly for me to think that we would ever be together but something about everything that has gone down just makes me struggle intenrally. I promised i wouldnt tell anyone about what happend so i am hoping that some annyomous comments could help me get thru this tough time. Sorry for the rambles and im sure many of you have been in the same situation before. Thanks for the help.
My heart aches for you. I have not gone through anything like this, and i am sorry that i cannot help you, but i sincerely hope that things get sorted out, and that you both are able to find what makes you happy. i sincerely wish i could help, but all i can offer is my best wishes, and the thought that there are people out there, who you may not know, but do care.
I wish I had some advice but that sounds like a lose-lose situation. If it makes you feel any better I've been through something similar, and establishing boundaries in a friendship can be veerrry difficult. My bestie and I never did anything sexual, but we would flirt and cuddle and tell each other everything, but now that she knows I love her we havent been as close. Sorry I'm in no position to give advice, but I definately commiserate with you. </3
I think it is possible to be straight and fool around with another guy when under the influence, so to speak... As Dan Savage said, there's a reptilian part of everyone's brain that can compel a person to act on sexual urges which otherwise they normally don't have, or in any other situation might find repulsive. I would try to be less judgmental perhaps, and take his word for it. You were friends before this happened, so why can't you be platonic friends still? Love is a two-way street. The odds are he might in fact be straight. Straight guys CAN be curious on very very very rare occasions, especially where alcohol is involved.
I think the lines around sexuality are blurry. As people we are innately curious. Sexuality isnt written in stone. I mean I identify as a lesbian but if the mood so took me, I would kiss a boy. I would probably have to be incredibly drunk to do so but thats beside the point. I think your friend was curious. If he knew that you liked him, his ego would've been boosted and he would've felt very curious about getting with you, which he did. I think we just sometimes do what we feel like doing when we feel like doing it! But I get that its hard not to take it personally.
