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Guilt from Lying

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by HelloMyNameIs, Dec 3, 2012.

  1. I know that my friends would be overwhelmingly supportive if I were to come out to them, but I can't bring myself to do it. My problem is that I have basically been lying to them for years by telling them that I'm asexual, when I'm actually gay. At first I just said this to a few people so that they would stop questioning me about my sexuality, but they started telling others, and I just went with it because it stopped the questions. Now all of my friends "know" that I am asexual. I feel guilty for lying to them for so long, and I don't know how to shift from the lie to the truth. I feel like many of my friends will look down on me for being such a coward about this. They have this image of me as a bad:***: who doesn't give a :***: what others think about her, and I don't want them to think less of me (oh, the irony).

    I need to know how I can explain to them why I've lied so long. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.
     
  2. plasticcrows

    plasticcrows Guest

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    You could tell them that you realized that you were wrong in your previous label 'asexual' because you didn't want to come to terms with your true sexuality. Or you could just, you know, tell them the truth. For another lie: It's not all that uncommon for people to adopt a new term to describe their sexuality after previously declaring a different one. You're 20, and I'm assuming that since you've known them for years, you declared your asexuality as a teenager. Lots of people are confused about their sexualities as teenagers. You could just tell them it was a bout of confusion and you hastily jumped to a conclusion. But since you have a guilty conscience, it's best to admit the truth.
     
  3. Epipleptic

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    The overall positive feeling of being unburdened by your lie and sharing yourself with your friends may outweigh the guilt of lying so much that you will not even feel it.
     
  4. Thanks, guys. My main concern is how to tell them without seeming pathetic. I don't want my friends to know I've struggled with it, because they all perceive me as a really strong person, and I don't want to lose their respect or disappoint them. Even though I don't really think that they will think less of me, I sometimes feel like they will, because my opinion of myself has certainly decreased.

    I would like to be able to be completely honest with them, but I have such a hard time talking about my feelings. I don't think I have it in me to admit that I flat out lied, so I like your suggestion to tell them I was unsure and just jumped to the wrong conclusion. Thank you once again for the advice.
     
  5. Farouche

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    If you're now sure you're gay, and you can say it confidently, you won't seem pathetic.