Being Demigendered

I just looked up what 'demigirl' means. You're a female (chromosomes XX) who feels only the bare minimum association with the gender roles of that sex. Is that correct? I have to say, I don't understand why that warrants its own word. You're just a female who doesn't feel comfortable conforming to every female gender role. Then again, I think gender roles are bullshit and that people should behave with utter disregard toward anything anyone tells them is and is not appropriate for their sex.

 

It warrants its own word because that's how each demigendered person knows they're not the only one, which is clearly sufficient reason for having a word because it's exactly what Raven is asking for.

Raven, it may not be common to be demigendered, but it's still normal and okay. I've met a few people who could be considered demigendered, at a queer youth support group that I go to sometimes.

As for what you should do, I'm an advocate of doing what you feel like doing.

 

Normal in the sense of "commonplace"? Probably not. But as Farouche said, it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, and you're certainly not alone in feeling the way you do; gender is too wide of a spectrum for that to be the case. I, unfortunately, don't know anyone who feels the same way you do, but I'm sure they're out there.

I agree with you that gender roles are bullshit and people should have utter disregard toward them. In an ideal world, gender wouldn't be based on clothes, or mannerisms, or anything like that, and it wouldn't dictate how people treat you. And in this idea world, we wouldn't need labels like agender and bigender and demigender and others like them, since gender would only define what body you feel you should be in (so the scale would just be between cis-gender, neutrois, transsexual).

But we don't live in an ideal world. We live in a world where I'm thought to be less of a man because I wear a kilt (which many mistake for a skirt) rather than pants and because I grow my hair out long, because I don't take the initiative in things and I'm not a natural-born leader, because I'm in touch with my emotional side and would rather talk things out than argue or fight. We live in a world where being a man or being a woman both come with all sorts of unrelated baggage. And while that baggage is definitely bullshit, it cannot be disregarded for that reason. Gender roles are just a social construct, yes. So is money; it only has value because we all agree it does. But you can't go into the bank tomorrow and tell the teller, "Hey, could you just give me a bunch of those pieces of green paper with 100's on them? After all, money is just a social construct, and the paper they're printed on and the ink they're printed with isn't worth that much." Social constructs can't just be thrown away that easily, and gender is no exception.

So until we reach that ideal world where gender means about as much as handedness (i.e. whether you're a righty or a lefty) means in our world, we must acknowledge that gender means more to people than just whether they feel most comfortable in a male, female, or neutral body. And part of that is not erasing other people's relationships with gender (i.e. the labels they use to identify their gender) by saying things like, "I don't understand why that warrants its own word. You're just a female who doesn't feel comfortable conforming to every female gender role."

 

I imagine in an ideal word, the concept of gender would be abolished and we would only have sex with the only traits associated with, not expected from, each being ones exclusive to that sex. Such as child birth, menstruation, sperm production, menopause, etc. Maybe humans could be engineered to reproduce asexually. I think that would help to end a lot of this.

While this may be true, I still think that people should not care so much about the roles expected of their sex. I hardly fit any male gender roles but do not feel like less of a male. Not to say that you and others should feel the same way, but it doesn't make sense to me.

I was merely stating that I do not understand why this warrants its own word and sought explanation. Thank you, Farouche, for supplying one. If I wanted to belittle her, I would tell her that her designated gender is an idiotic ploy to appear different from others and gain attention or that she is only confused and is really a female by gender or hell, I'd exclude the sentence "I do not understand why this warrants its own word" and proceed to tell her that she is just wrong. I am not the authority on what gender she is. She is that authority. Anything I say about her gender can only describe how her situation appears to me based on the information she supplies.

 

To the OP, I didnt know what demigender was and looked it up, but I assume its similar to being an androgyne? Or something? Sorry if Im way off.

And I totally see how it would be super stressful, I identify as female but feel extremely constricted by gender roles and expectations and not a day goes by that I am not painfully aware of the stereotypes I am supposed to be living up to. So I can't imagine the stress of being more in the middle of the gender spectrum.

@Owen the argument about money being a social construct is one of the best counters Ive ever heard to the "gender is just a social construct so it doesnt mean anything" claim.

I agree, gender stereotypes are a MASSIVE force shaping society whether we like it or not. We can act any way we want, but unfortunately conformity comes with privilege.