My backstory: After being together with my ex for over 7 years, she ended things with me early this summer. I moved away and stayed with family for a while. I've now settled in yet another city where I've found an amazing job and a cute apartment I'm fixing up to be my own. I have a few old friends who live here who are always too busy in the family role now to hang out, and 2 dogs whom I adore. The thing is, every night when I get home from work, I feel pretty lonely. I went from loving relationship where we talked about our day, and cooked dinner and watched movies, to me sitting on the couch with adorable puppy eyes staring at me. I've tried to focus on the renos, and just enjoying being single, but I'm not. I keep thinking of this woman I dated after my ex who I just loved being with. It's not even really her, it's the feeling I had when I was with her. The butterflies, the cuddling, the togetherness that I miss. I've given up on internet dating (the lesbian dating scene here is scarce), and I've tried to think of a hobby I would enjoy picking up to keep me busy. I can't think of a thing I would enjoy doing. Ladies and gentlemen of empty closets, how do you deal with feeling alone? I would love to steal all of your ideas!!
When I broke up after a long time, it seemed that all I saw when I was walking to and from work in the city was couples together - going someplace, holding hands, laughing, kissing, touching. It was hard seeing what seemed like everyone in the world being happy and having someone except me! I do have kids, so every morning and night they kept/keep me completely busy. The hardest time is when my youngest goes to bed and the house gets quiet. Then its me and the cat, that's it. Some nights I get into bed and it seems awful cold until the cat jumps up and starts purring... and she's never judgemental! I will say, it does get better, being alone. I realized I was dealing better when I was good going to movies alone and didn't feel like everyone was looking at me for being alone without a friend or date! I've gotten more involved in a couple of community service organizations, as a volunteer and leader, so there are more adults in the world to talk to (and I've made good friends). You might see what interests you. And, like you, there is *always* a project to do around the house. I've gotten pretty good at DIY. Hey, what's the worst that can happen, I do it, hate it, tear it down, then ferociously research other ideas on the net and redo it! I never owned a dog, but when I took care of a friend's pet - it was a blast going to the nearby dog park -- not only a fun place for the dogs, but a very social place to chat, talk be friendly -- is there anything like that near you? Pete
I think Pete is right .. I never was in a real relationship so I might not get it exactly .. but when it comes to loneliness .. the best way to beat it is to find something to fill your life .. a higher goal .. and its even better if that goal was combined with social interaction .. go out and join some group activity you may like .. something that you may get better at is even better .. you will meet a lot of people while you are at it too .. and the social part of it will make you forget the loneliness until you hopefully end up with someone that truly appreciates you ...
I find the only way to ease the feeling of being alone is to busy yourself. Maybe check out if there are dog walking groups, or classes around? Volunteering or checking out that meetup.co website may also be options. Although, it is hard coming home and being alone, I think when you're making yourself busy the time spent at home feels less alone and more like valued 'me' time. It doesn't get rid of it entirely, of course, but breaking the routine can help.
