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Why Can't I Just Tell My Parents? (Mom specifically)

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Gerit, Dec 3, 2012.

  1. Gerit

    Full Member

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    I've been wanting to tell my parents so badly as of late. Once I tell them, then I'm ready to be completely open. And I'm ready for that. But whenever I try to even think about an actual way of telling them, or even just my mom, I start panicking. I get nervous and I can't think. Some part of me is telling me that she'll reject me and just be disappointed, but the other part of me is saying that she'll be totally fine with it. Maybe she would have even expected it. She's not homophobic (as far as I know. But hey, it's Kansas and she did grow up on a farm).

    I don't know. I can't pluck up the courage just to tell her. I'm so afraid of her being disappointed. She's my mom - I can't stand it when I hurt her, and I don't want to be a disappointment.

    I want to do it so bad. I really do. But no matter how I play it out in my head, I can't come up with a good, surefire way of telling her. AUGH. Any suggestions? :bang:
     
  2. Mirko

    Admin Team Advisor Full Member

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    Sexual Orientation:
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    Hi there! In some ways you have answered your question, as to why you have a hard time coming out to your mom:

    If you think about everything you know about your mom, what is your gut/instinct telling you?

    You know you are ready to let you mom know. So maybe think a little about how you could talk to her about it, how you could approach it. As you have mentioned, there is a possibility that you mom might already have an idea or suspect. If you want to make sure that things are going to be alright, maybe try watching a gay-themed movie, such Prayers for Bobby, and see what her reaction is.

    Maybe you can start the conversation with "mom, there is something I would like to talk with you about, and maybe you have even noticed something already...."


    If you find it too hard to talk to her in person, writing a letter might be something to consider. Have a look at the Resource Section - Coming Out Letters, and you might a couple of ideas as to how you could approach a letter or even coming out in person.

    Before you talk to her, make sure your mom has a bit of time to listen to you, and also take a deep breath and remind yourself as to why you want your mom to know. (*hug*)
     
  3. HalfInsane

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    The more you sit and dwell on it, and play the scenario over in your head, and play the what-if game (I'm not trying to be harsh on you! I've just done this many a times so I'm speaking for myself) the more anxious you will become. Ultimately, there's only three words you need to say, "Mom, I'm gay". GUARANTEED this will spur a discussion, and anything more you want/need to say can follow from there.

    If that's a little too direct, which is totally fair, perhaps just ask her what her feelings are about someone being gay and see what she says. Then you'll have a better idea how to approach the subject when you do tell her.

    And remember, even if she doesn't react well... she's your mom, and will still love you. For some parents it seems to be very easy to accept, for others like mine its more difficult. To indirectly quote my own mother, its not that a parent loves you any less for being gay/bi/trans/etc, but rather that its not what a parent EXPECTS, and its not what society tells us to expect of our children. It's difficult to learn to SEE your children as gay, when you've built up a notion of them going through life as a heterosexual, and envisioned them marrying, having kids, etc, with this idea in mind. That's hard to change! Especially since its what we are ALL raised seeing as 'normal'. So it may take some time (or it may not), but just be patient, and let her know you're still you.

    And best of luck! (*hug*)