I'm gay I've known for a long time, I'm not out really, I've spoken about it with my uncle who is gay but I literally never see him and when I do it's at family gatherings so not really an appropriate place and even then we are just such totally different people I don't feel we can really relate. I told my mum around January this year and we haven't really spoken about it since I don't really know how she took it, she didn't show much emotion she just kept asking how I knew since I've never had a "proper" girlfriend. I still don't know where I stand and honestly feels like it never happened now. I would tell her again but I honestly can't do it, I'm not a feminine guy at all and I have never cried so much in my life as I did that night, I felt just so wrong I don't even know how to describe it honestly, I didn't want to I just couldn't help it. I've never tried to speak to my dad about it because we have such a good relationship the last few years I'm terrified of ruining it. I've been very good at hiding everything for a long time, I've never done anything that could suggest I was gay or give anyone any clue that I am. I rarely show emotion of any kind because it's just another thing someone might pick up on. I found a guy and I was actually really happy for 4 months while it lasted, and then he broke up with me (in august) for reasons which I thought and still think are stupid, I'm over him now but I miss having someone around like that. Now I'm in the position where I don't want to be like this anymore I see everyone around me, my sis, cousins etc with boyfriends/girlfriends all getting on with their lives I feel like I'm standing still. I've wasted so much time already, I'm 21 years old and I've had one 4 month relationship my whole life. I want to meet someone that I can look forward to seeing everyday I just feel like it's never going happen and I'll end up alone. It's just everything, the coming out, the want for a relationship, fear of not being accepted, it's stressing me out a lot lately and I just don't know how to fix it. I feel like life is rushing past and before I know it I will have missed the chance.
Hello, welcome to EC! ^^ I understand the feeling of standing still and everyone else is happy in their relationships. At least you have experienced a relationship, albeit 4 months, but it's still something That is something many of us dream for. Well, 21 is still very young and it's generally the age when people start to come out so you're not behind at all. You've just got to be brave man. The way I saw it was that I could pretend to be straight all my life feeling miserable or I could accept myself and embrace my sexuality. I reached this point only in September last year and have come out to several people since then. I've definately become a lot happier! It's a shame you don't see your uncle much because he would be valuable support. Is there anyone else that you trust, perhaps a close sibling or friend? Coming out doesn't mean announcing it to the world all at once, just take baby steps while you build up a support network. Having someone there to talk to is really important and it really does help with accepting oneself and being accepted. As more people accept you, it will give you more confidence to be fully out. (*hug*)
I guess it is about being brave, it's just really tough. I want to tell my sister I just don't know how really everytime I try I just sort of "chicken" out for lack of a better word.
Yes it is really tough I know. The first coming out is always the hardest but it gets easier with every person after (just a bit ). The first person I came out to was my sister. Thinking back, I had planned to come out to her so it wasn't a spur of the moment kind of thing. It was just us 2 in the house, and we were in the living room watching tv. She picked up a magazine and began reading it. I then thought to myself "this is the moment!" while my heart felt like it was going to burst out of my chest, I stalled for a few minutes but managed to broach the subject. I said along the lines of "you know how I've been depressed lately?" She goes "yeah why?". I then said "well... I'm gay" It was weird to say those words in front of her, but she reacted amazingly and was so accepting. I felt like a massive weight had lifted off my shoulders. If you have trouble saying it out aloud, I've heard that writing a letter and giving it in person is a good method to come out. It allows you to process your thoughts and say exactly what you want rather than stumbling along and forgetting what you had planned to say. Just say to her "read all of it before you say anything".
Yeah maybe writing it down is the way to go, that's thing I find hard is actually saying the words, I can barely say them to myself when no one else is around. They react to my Uncle fine really no-one mistreats him or treats him any differently but it's still a scary thought I know that sounds stupid. I don't know why it still scares me.
You really have nothing to worry about then, the way that they treat your uncle is the way they going to treat you.
