i'm 22 male pretty masculine and I think im gay, but don't know for sure. I had a "moment of realization i was gay about a year ago" before that i knew i was straight. A lot of people tell me i'm gay, it's the way i act i'm pretty homophobic and scared right now. I don't want to be gay, all i want is a women but none of them seem good enough for me and i don't think im good enough for them. I know i'm really depressed, most days i just lay around my room and cry or try and sleep. I've watched so much porn(mostly straight) but i've gotten off to lesbian tranny, incest and gay porn before. the gay porn was really intense. i can't really seem to focus on anything anymore, Some times when i just talk to women i get an erection. but occasionaly i write gay sex stories. they have been the same thing for awile now. me running on a trail and getting fucked by two random guys. i don't like to write these stories. they scare me(give me an erection) but give me confidence to talk to people . i just don't know what to do. i'm pretty confused. i don't want to lie anymore, i had a girlfriend we had sex but it wasn't really what i thought it would be. i've also gotten erections to my own mother i have fantasies of her and me as well as gay fantasies both occasionaly now. both of those started after my mother and step-father finally got divorced. a lot of abuse and neglect in my life. i've only told a few people this they tell me to experiment, which i don't want to do. i don't know what to do
I've finally given up the whole "why won't I change" thing. I never wanted to be gay, I tried for years to change myself, but that only brought on a lot more insecurity. So now, I've accepted myself for who I am. I'm gay. But maybe you're not gay. I feel like it's different for every person, but I've never been attracted to girls, even when I tried to force myself. What I'm saying is, I think only you can know who you are, and only you can decide who you want to be on the outside. These can be one in the same, or they can be complete opposites. But I don't think anyone can help you until you help yourself. I think it would be a good idea to experiment. You could be bi, and that's just fine too. But if you're gay, it's not the end of the world. It's the 21st century, and people are now more accepting than ever. Plus, this whole community is extremely supportive. Do what you think is right, and good luck!
Sounds like you may be trying to force this out instead of just going with the thoughts and seeing what makes you happy. If you have attraction to both sexes you may be bi. Took me a long time to figure it out. You don't need to find a label for yourself at this point. You said that you are feeling depressed and fighting emotions. Sounds like if you could talk to a professional about this that it might be helpful. Abuse and neglect can definitely affect how you feel about yourself and talking to someone might help you work through what you are feeling. The homophobia is likely the fear of being someone you hadn't planned on being. Self acceptance takes time. Give yourself the time you need. Ask yourself why you are so homophobic? Why do the same sex attractions scare you? How does the past abuse and neglect enter in to all this? If you wee gay what is so terrible about that? I'm not suggesting you answer these questions here but give them some thought. Try to figure out why you are feeling the way you do and whether there are any triggers.
i know i should experiment and am planning on it. it's been about two years sinse i had sex. i've had multiple chances i've just haven't been able to find the will to do anything i don't know if it's anxiety or what. but i know one of the girls was just so perfect. i remember kissing her and something in my head told me i was gay, i was under the influense of alcohol at the time. i've only had crushes on girls but i've been telling myself these crushes have been lies even after i realized i was gay i developed a crush on a girl. all i seem to do anymore is fantasize. i'm pretty scared i'm going to start fantasizing about peadophilea bestiality or rape.all three of which i find disgusting i've stopped porn so i don't get into that stuff. i think i've just suppresed the gay feelings if i have them i don't know i'm not sure. Everything seems to set these thoughts off and then from the thoughts starts sex fantasies. i think it should be noted that alot of these "gay fantasies" are me as a girl and a penis. i've had fantasies before i was a girl but doing stuff with other girls. that was when i was a lot younger. i would wear my mother underwear and clothes and tell my self i was a lesbian. i'm pretty sure that was after i discovered lesbian porn. i'm pretty sure porn has a lot to do with this.
