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Suicide...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Nemos, Dec 5, 2012.

  1. Nemos

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    Hello everyone, well il go from the start. 7 years ago I moved from my home country to UK when I was about 12, I lost all of my friends,majority of the family and the life I had. When I moved to UK I didn't know any English and from year 7 till year 11 I was bullied each day, people bullied me because they were thinking I'm gay which is right because I finally accepted it at college and the fact my life will never get better. I started college and it did, I didn't get bullied but I have no friends, no one I can talk to,nothing. I know is fine to be gay but I constantly feel like a bad human being and it comes t the stage where I cry every single day for few hours which is getting stronger each day, finally I'm at the point where I want to end it all, once and for good. I have no one to live for, I am useless, I have no friends and no BF because apparently at college is soo bad to be gay. The only thing that now holds me alive is the fact it would really hurt my mum if I did end it all but now I have enough, I'm sick of fighting with my mind, I'm sick of fighting with people and I'm sick of everything. This forum is the last support I can get and I don't know what to do.
     
  2. cemma

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    I know exactly where you are and how you feel- I know sometimes you think its only you who feels like that, but it's not. So many people struggle with the same thoughts.
    My first advice is go to a doctor and tell them exactly that. They can help you to be refered on/prescribe you drugs/help you! They dont judge, their job is to care and they do. This was the first place things started to take a turn for the better for me. When I accepted something was wrong and I needed to fix it.
    Someone once said to me- "Mental Illness is not a fault in chacter, it is a fault in chemicals." It really helped me accept that I wasn't what I thought I was.
    Once I reached out and after a lot of effort to mak an active change to my thoughts I started to feel happy, it was weird at first. Infact I still find it weird sometimes.. and then you start to be more out going, people approach you, they are drawn to your attitude. You get on better with people and eventually.. you make friends. You have this network of people who want to be with you.
    It takes time and alot of effort and strength on your part, but its worth it. I promise.

    Don't give up.
    Your fantastic as you are.

    I'm ALWAYS here if you want me, write on my wall etc that's fine. Im happy to chat.

    Much Love, Caitlin :slight_smile:
     
  3. Nemos

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    Wish I had enough power to fight :slight_smile: I'm in a very terrible state right now.
     
  4. i'm not good at making people feel better let alone myself but your're gay ...and you can't help it and its NOT bad to be gay , just because some people say it is and the college thinks it's so bad to be gay doesn't mean it is.
    don't end your life , be yourself , fuck those people ...i at one point wanted to end by life because people bullied me and i realized ...that their not worth ending my life...seriously....be proud of who you are ....i know it's easier said than done but realize you can't help being gay and that your're going to find someone that makes you happier than anything , it's just a waiting game.

    instead of being done with everything....be done with the people who put you down , i can't express this enough....they want you to feel weak so they can feel strong....so don't let them put you down like that , challenge their judgement ...and prove that your worth something because YOU ARE. i don't know you but everyone is worth something and as for friends , i know exactly where your coming from...but people on EC are my friends because they help me and the people who are always their for you are your friends....and your mom.....she's your best friend , i would assume if she's always their for you
    my mom died when i was 12 ..but she was my best friend...she had her problems but she was still my mother and if you end your life , i don't think ...it'd be fair...
    don't give up...please. it's NOT worth it
     
    #4 woundsneverheal, Dec 5, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 5, 2012
  5. Nemos

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    I'm sorry about your mother, and I know if I did end it then it would be so selfish, but I have enough of crying all the time, fighting with myself and being alone. I'm too emotional for that.
     
  6. Given To Fly

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    I was also bullied throughout school, although it wasn't homophobic in nature. It took me a long time to get over that, and other issues I had at the time (my story is around here somewhere if you want to take a look). But in the end (but not before a suicide attempt) I realised that with the support of my good friends, which I hadn't really appreciated that I had, I could get over my past, and move on from it.

    I started coming out about 5 months ago, and I really do feel like a new man. I have a new love of life, and I'm meeting lots of new and interesting people. Although as cemma says, it does feel weird sometimes.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is don't give up. Things can, and often do get better if you just hang in there. This forum is full of great support, and I'm sure there are other ways of getting support in your local area.

    If you need any help, just ask :slight_smile:

    (*hug*)
     
  7. Eleanor Rigby

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    Hi sweetie (*hug*),

    I am sorry you've been through so much bullying and that you're feeling lonely. It's ok to be gay, but it's ok to struggle to accept it too. Don't worry, most people have been there too and I'm sure there are plenty of people on EC who can relate to what you're feeling.
    You're not a bad human being at all, you're a wonderful human being who happens to be very unhappy.
    The first thing is that you're not alone anymore. Ec is a very friendly and supportive community and I'm sure you're going to make friends here :slight_smile:.
    The second thing is that you should try to find help and support in your area. Most college in the UK have support organization for gay students, try to find out if there is one in your college. I know it's not an easy step to take but meeting other gay students can be a tremendous help in your situation. That would help you to feel less isolated, to make friends and to accept your sexual orientation.
    Last but not least, I think you should try to make an appointment with a counselor. Most college in the UK provide free counseling to their students. You seem to be very depressed and to have a poor self-esteem, I think counseling can help you a lot with this.

    Take good care of yourself (*hug*) Cécile
     

  8. i've been fighting with myself for years and i've been question my sexuality for a year now....so its not helping but ...i know you've had enough. i've had enough and i almost overdosed one time and started cutting again.
    your're not alone , you can talk to me if you'd like
    i know what it means to cry all the time....i was bullied in middle school...and it was a rough year since my mom died....imagine being bullied after my mom died. not fun...

    and another thing...im not in your shoes but i know that being bullied sucked ass.....and it left scars on my wrists but ...i had to realize that i can't just let them fuck with me like that....it took me 6 years to stand up for myself....but i learned a lot from it ...and if i ended my life ...then i wouldn't know what it would felt like to feel happy again , took me 4 years to be myself again....4 years but it wouldn't haven't had happened if i didn't meet a certain someone..
     
    #8 woundsneverheal, Dec 5, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 5, 2012
  9. Nemos

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    Thanks for all the posts, I guess I need to try harder, at least for my mum.
     
  10. your welcome and that's good. just keep trying. i knows it's not easy
     
  11. scouse

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    I'm sorry to hear how you are battling every day. That must be incredibly exhausting and it is no wonder you feel so low. I would definitely recommend counselling. It may be a gradual process and it may be difficult to believe but you CAN come out of this and be happy. We are all behind you.
     
  12. jimL

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    Nemos, hang in there.....it will get better!!!! I agree with Eleanor, see if there is some support at your uni. I spent a lot of time in tears before it got much better. It will for you too. I'm sure your mum loves you and would be devastated if you left her.

    Lots of good supportive people here to talk to. So stick around.
     
  13. HP7465213

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    Two years ago in my high school, we had a terribly sad wave of suicides. Three kids killed themselves. They were only kids! The oldest was 15. How can someone know that their life is over at that young? Our community was shaken by the impact that these three had on all of us.
    it's not worth it. Even in the saddest of times, there's always a tomorrow. Your life isn't over yet. This community is so supportive, ready and willing to listen patiently to your feelings. Please don't do something that you would regret! We're all here to listen and support!
     
  14. an0nchick

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    Like I'd tell you here. ;)
    I want to help you. I know that feeling of swirling thoughts. In the UK, is there a suicide prevention hotline to call? In college, do you have counselors? I hope these suggestions help. If not, please let me know.
     
  15. Nemos

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    For some reason I wouldn't wish to share my feelings with anyone within the college, I dislike the college much enough and recently I even skip it all the time because I would most likely start crying in the middle of a lesson. About some help lines.. don't know, I never trusted anyone who I do not see face to face.
     
  16. Eleanor Rigby

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    Well, you're trusting us with you're feelings :slight_smile: Calling a helpline is pretty much the same, except that you got to talk to one person who usually has some training to help you deal with what you're going through. I think you should really give it a try because it's very obvious you're not doing good at all.
    And honestly, I really think you should talk to a doctor too about this. You're really very depressed and I think you need professional help with this.

    (*hug*)(*hug*) Cécile
     
  17. darkcheesse

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    i concur with Eleanor seek professional help, i was were you are two years ago crying all the time and constantly battling with myself and skipping college. two years on I'm in the same place except i don't cry anymore I'm just numb. and it has completely ruined my life because of all the college i skipped, I've failed college three times because of it and I've screwed up my future job prospects, even McDonalds won't employ me. i know now if I'd seeked help back then I'd probably be in uni and have a lot brighter future to look forward to. The only way out is professional help. trust me you don't want end up as far down line as i have got, the sooner you seek help the better.

    Sorry if i seem a bit blunt but i wouldn't wish anybody to repeat what i went through and you seem to be following the same path, hope this helps in some way
     
  18. Nemos

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    Hello, well it's never too late to redo your education. If you truly want to then you will, today I did something that I'm not super proud of but I didn't think about ending everything for the entire day. I woke up and left the house but instead of going to college I went swimming, then I went to a huge shopping center, had my favorite food, watched a movie, and now I'm going gym. I'm trying to do everything I can do feel better and from what its worth I feel like screaming out to my mum how I feel.

    ---------- Post added 6th Dec 2012 at 08:54 AM ----------

    I suppose I do, just too scared to come out.