Hello, I still need to figure out this site more,I am a new member and just acknowledged that I'm gay not even a year ago. Any ways,I am in urgent need of advice from the wise people(everybody) on here. I came out to the guy friend I love(for 2 years).He said he does not care and he's my bro.And he said he will stand up for me in case someone bullies me for being gay.He even started asking me questions about gay sex and what porn I like and what turns me on but I quickly changed the subject.I am not comfortable with sharing my sexual tendencies to people in general.He also apologized and promised to stop using gay jokes and slurs and he hoped I was not offended (he used to say gay slurs EVERY DAY). I am leaving in 5-6 weeks because my dad found a job in a different city.It's not that far,only 2 hours away by bus but still,things won't be the same.He said he's going to be really sad that I will leave and it won't be the same without me making him laugh.He said if only he could do something to make me stay.I told him to just text me when he needs me but he said text and me being physically here is not the same and won't ever be the same.He has expressed to me many times how he will be really sad with me gone. But for me,I got the message.He's straight because If he was gay and liked me too,he could've told me already.To me I gave him enough info to digest and decide on.However,many of my friends insist that I still confess my feelings for him.They all bug me about it that this is starting to confuse me.Should I still tell him ? These past few days he seems really upset and he's so stressed out with school and exams.I don't want to add to the load he has.I want a closure but I am afraid that we'll get awkward with each other if I say something.I want things to remain the way they are and not become awkward.I was even very surprised that he took it well because his family is from Eastern Europe(although he was born here in Canada) and I know it's not very accepted there. I called him an "Awesome,irreplaceable friend" after coming out and some of my friends said that there is still a possibility that he likes me but when I said this he may have thought I "Friendzoned" him,My interpretation and their interpretation is now giving me conflicting messages.Should I still say something or leave things the way they are? 4 days before I came out to him he asked me TWICE if I liked him or if I was in love with him,I was so scared that I said no both times.We were quite touchy feely with each other before I even came out to him.
Hello legitawesome, Why do your friends think you should tell him? What reasons do they have to believe that would be a good thing to do? I think the important question to ask yourself is this: assuming that he is gay and likes you, would you be willing to date someone that you don't live by, could not see every day, and would need to take a 2-hour trip to see? You prize your relationship with him as it is now, so do you think it's worth the risk of telling him? Because there are risks involved, and it would be something of a long shot because: (1) It's definitely possible that he's not gay. As you said, between coming out and all those questions about sex and what not, he's had plenty of opportunity to say, "I also share an affection for male humans!" Even if he is gay, he might as well not be for all intents and purposes as long as he doesn't want to tell anyone. (2) It's possible that even if he is gay, he doesn't like you *that* way. I wouldn't read too much into him asking you if you like/love him since that was before you came out (unless you have a really good reason to believe he was being serious). (3) Even if he is gay AND likes you, he doesn't seem willing to do the long distance thing. He's said over and over that the absence of your physical presence will be tough for him. If you had no reason to believe this was a good idea before your friends told you otherwise, I think you should go with your initial instinct and not tell him. Your friend actually seems like he would be very compassionate and kind if you confessed your feelings to him, but it could still make things very awkward between you and give a different tone to your relationship as you move into the next phase of your lives. But there's another question to consider too: do you think that you would pine for him endlessly, invent some fantasy relationship in your end, and generally find it really, really difficult to let go? If you don't think you'd be able to move on easily, it might be best to tell him and get a definite response, one way or the other, so that you can proceed appropriately knowing the truth. So basically I think what you need to answer for yourself is which desire is stronger: your desire to keep him in your life as the friend he is now, or your attachment to the idea of him as a possible romantic partner (which, keep in mind, there are very many reasons to believe he would not be able to be for you).
