Am I Going Insane?!

For me, it does not occupy my life, but I do think about it alto when meeting other people... or when I'm in a social setting. I'm thinking "who's gay" and "do they know I'm gay"?

 

i think about it too, a lot! I guess it's because there's no-one i can talk to about ''gay'' stuff

 

I think about being trans way too much also. It is like an obsession, and it only gets worse when something triggers in my head. Though I don't really talk to anyone about this problem and I just keep it myself; which just drives me nuts at times.

 

Ot's especially common in your teen years and/or when you first start the process. As time goes on, it seems to become just another thing.

Lex

 

Being gay no. But being transgender, I think about that all the time, too much time; especially, when someone stares at me for wearing a dress.

~Josie

 

I find myself doing this sometimes. It come is cycles for me. As I have accepted myself, this has happened a lot less.

 

I constantly think about it as well. Although I didn't really realize until reading this thread. Lol

 

This. Word for word.

 

In short YES. I'm middle aged and have known I am female all my life (well from about the age of four) This has dominated my entire life and influenced every decision I've ever made. Most of them bad as I've always been absolutely terrified of people seeing the real me. I had Gynocomastia in my teens which caused a lot of bullying and confirmed to me what people could do to me because I was different. My mother decided this wasn't normal and I had surgery at the age of 17. I still look at at the scars and cry at what could have been. (why did I say yes, I'll do it?) I did the usual sort of stuff to hide and got married and had children. I lost my job about two years ago, but since then have lost all confidence. I used to work in an office which was okay as most of the staff were female and I always got along quite comfortably with them. I have since been forced to do agency work and I am surrounded by mostly very masculine guys with whom I have absolutely nothing in common with and I hate it. I have always been very close close to my youngest daughter and a few months ago when we were alone she kept asking me what was wrong as I wasn't myself and had been depressed for some time. I eventually broke down and told her everything. She has been unbelievably understanding, but agrees it would be best not to just tell everyone because of the likely repercussions from the rest of the family. The thing is now I really want to do something about it, but feel I can't and more trapped than ever. I think about it every waking moment.

 

It occupies a lot of my mind lately, I think probably because I have only just sort of accepted it myself. I am constantly watching people even on the telly and thinking I wonder if they are gay and if they are not why is it so easy for them to just be attracted to the opposite sex and then I envy them!

 

Oh yeah. I hate how much time I spend thinking about it. And I hate how much time I spend thinking about others peoples' lack of knowledge about me.

 

Yes, I find myself thinking about it all the time. When watching a movie or TV show I'm constantly looking at the characters and asking myself which ones I find attractive. If I'm out in public somewhere I'm constantly staring at couples, especially those with children. I find that I'm incredibly jealous of straight couples, but I find gay couples attractive. lol.

 

You're not crazy. Well, I don't know for sure, but not because of this. Someone's gender, even if they don't know it, will influence all their interactions with the rest of the world. Social pressure and traditions separate men and women, and so when someone doesn't know what they are, or is in the wrong body, interacting with others becomes much more complicated. Its understandable that they find it occupies a lot of their time. You'll probably find it easier after you transition.

 

You are NOT crazy!

Its on my mind SO much.... I need to be at peace with this in my life, and I'm no where near that.

Right now, other than my therapist, the only people I have to communicate about this is all of you on EC, which helps much.

I would like to go to an lgbt support group, since its the holidays nothing is going on.

Each of us is lots more than who we're attracted to and want to have sex with -- but when that isn't working -- its a lot to think about!

 

wow. gee sorry u been thru all that. welcome to EC.

---------- Post added 26th Dec 2012 at 07:56 PM ----------

^ This is me too. :/ I don't want to be my friends' teacher abt all things Queer! I don't want them introducing me as transman, i want them to say I'm a man.