So my mum found some photos of me and my partner... Her first initial response was just sadness and tears. She was mostly concerned about the future whether my partner is my future and also who else knew about it. She was saying she wants me to break it off with her or the family will suffer. I took this quite well and let her do most of the talking whilst sobbing to myself. I went through a roller coaster of emotions from anxiety to fear but in the end relief came through. It was the strongest emotion. Not having to live a double life. I also think I put up a big wall too which helped me cope for a week. During this week I have kept myself busy working and seeing friends and coming home late to avoid my mum. Once I had her on the phone crying to me about how much it is killing her. Tonight I came home knowing I must face her again. Tonight she took a different approach, the attack mode. Attack everything and laugh at me, at me being a lesbian and sayig it's dirty and the sex is like a prostitute. She said our love is an illusion. She said I should talk to a psych or a priest or take hormone tablets because apparently if I'm loving women there Is something wrong with me. I understand her hurt but I am hurt too. She is close minded but it still hurts. She is saying that I am selfish for wanting to pick my happiness and not thinking how this will effect the family. Everyone at EC will be proud of me because I defended myself a few times saying it wasn't a choice so I can't switch back to straight just Like that. I mentioned that there are lots of gay animals and various other wonderful defensive arguments which she had nothing to say to. She keeps wanting me to choose. She keeps saying I will thank her later if I break up with my girl. Think I just need some support and advice please. I might see a counsellor also. About how to be there for my mum and also see if I can do something to help my partner as well. She's doing ok but I'm sure it's hard for her too so if anyone has advice please share with me Thankyou. Lots of love.
Judging by the wall of Cyrillic text on your wall, you're apparently in Russia or thereabouts. Just trying to get a handle on what your situation is. You do have a problem. Your problem isn't being gay per se. It's being gay and having a parent who feels you should be straight. One who is going through all the techniques to get you to "change". Tears? Check. Mocking? Check. Name-calling? Check. You need to make it clear that you've already been down this path on your own. The hatred, the tears, the wishing it wasn't like this. And you're still gay. You've accepted it. Yes, life would possibly be easier and smoother if you were straight, but you're not. This is the hand you were dealt, and you're making the most of it. Tell her you have faith that eventually she will accept it, too. She may never be happy about it, but hopefully she'll accept it. I know little about your situation - is there a chance you could move somewhere else? Lex
I'm sorry to hear that. Unfortunately, you have a mother who wants to change who you are. If it true that you live in the Russia-area, I know most Russians are Greek-Orthodox. The religion follows the bible really closely and thinks being LGBT is morally wrong, a view that is similar to Catholic Church. I had a similar problem as you. Where my boyfriend lives, has a lot of Russian People. His Neighbor, a Russian girl, always hit on him and even asked him to sleep with her and don't tell me. And the people who live above him, hates him just because he is gay. You need to make it clear to your mother that this is who you are, and you can't change it. ~Josie
Thank you both. I love in Australia but have parents from a Russian background. I don't know if ican move anywhere at the moment because this all came unexpected. My dad hasn't said anything to me since ( he doesn't live with us) should I contact him? His silence scares me more now ---------- Post added 8th Dec 2012 at 10:09 AM ---------- Live* in Australia Oh and my parents are divorced but mum told him straight away on the phone. They've both been asking the typical questions like grandchildren, this isn't normal or natural and that nature made man and woman.
I just want you to know I'm really sorry for you. I hope you know that she is just projecting her own confusion and frustration on you. You said your mom is religious? I know the friends i have come out to have a hard time accepting me because they have to confront an issue that most christians try to avoid. Most of my christian friends will admit they are really torn over the issue of being gay but they can't decide to support gay people because the church pressures them. When I come out to them they have to battle their own faith when accepting me and that can be really difficult. Stay strong, try to find friends that accept you. If you can distance yourself from her while she cools down that would be best. She's probably still in shock right now.
Hugs -- standing up for yourself is fantastic! Your Mom is going now on her journey about this, too. As long as she's not being destructive to you (but processing herself), I'd say you can let her be. You're going to have to do some accepting, too, that this isn't easy at all for her. Now your Dad? If he's regularly a part of your life, I'd say at least a call is in order (or email?). If not, then I'd say take one thing at a time. Handle Mom now. And great job, really!
I understand where you're coming from. I do hope that your family begins to understand that being lesbian isn't something you can just turn off. The mocking and names hurt, but remember that that's just what they are- names. Words hurt, but you can overcome them. Be strong, if not for you, then for your girlfriend and your family. Sometimes, even though they don't deserve our patience, it's worth giving in the end. Things'll look up, you'll see. Beat of luck to you. My prayers go out to you and your mother.
Thank you both, I appreciate the words of kindness and support. At the moment, I avoid seeing my mum as much as I can but when I do see her she always asks me if I've still made up my mind on this (as in staying together with my partner) Everyday I hear this. She is expecting me to change my mind on this just like that. I told her I haven't and that I did not choose this and it just happened but still she doesn't seem to get it. Makes me very frustrated. Urgh.
