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Is he gay?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by EMF49, Dec 7, 2012.

  1. EMF49

    EMF49 Guest

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    Hey all. There is this guy at work who I pretty much see every day, and we have developed a really strong work relationship. However I'm finding that the more time I spend with him, the more I am attracted to him. The only problem is, I'm not sure if he's gay or not. For the record, I am bisexual but am out to very few people - this guy I'm referring to does not know either.

    To me, and many other people that know him, this guy does come across as gay. These are all the "gay stereotypes" that he has:

    - Pretty feminine voice
    - Uses his hands alot when he talks, has the "limp wrists"
    - Very skinny
    - Hates sports
    - Likes shopping
    - Likes a lot of music/shows that mostly gay people like (Glee, Ellen, Chelsea Lately, etc)
    - Likes musicals
    - Very "festive" when it comes to celebrating holidays
    - Mostly all of his closest friends are females

    And I hate to list stereotypes because I know just as well as anyone that stereotypes don't always mean anything, but I feel like in this case, the guy just has a lot of those "gay stereotypes". Only thing is, as far as I know, nobody knows for sure if he is gay or not so I don't think he is out to anyone, if he is actually gay. There have been a few times where he's mentioned a hot girl but these comments always come across as forced. When describing a girl he finds attractive he will use words like "gorgeous" rather than "hot" or "sexy" or other words most straight guys would use to describe a hot girl.

    So basically, here's where it stands right now:

    - I'm bi, but haven't told anyone from work other than one mutual friend of ours (she has known him a lot longer than me, and she suspects he's gay too but says she isn't 100% sure)
    - He displays a lot of common gay stereotypes but if he's gay, he's not out

    So like I said, I have a thing for this guy but before I can go anywhere with this I have to first figure out if he's truly gay or not, and also reveal to him that I'm bi and am interested in him.

    Do you guys think that he is gay based on what I described, or could he just be a really feminine straight guy? And I would love to maybe start something with this guy because he and I get along so well, but I don't exactly want to pressure him into coming out if he's not ready to yet. Ugh, it's all so confusing, someone please help!
     
    #1 EMF49, Dec 7, 2012
    Last edited: Dec 7, 2012
  2. BudderMC

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    Well, you already know the "stereotypes doesn't mean much" bit, so I'll spare you that. Just keep it in the back of your mind that there's nothing conclusively proving him being gay. :slight_smile:

    If you're interested in him, a good first step would be to come out to him. In doing so, you:

    1) Indicate to him you trust him enough to share a secret
    2) Let him know you play for the other team
    3) Let him know you're available (if he's into guys)
    4) Open up the pathway for him to come out to you at some point (maybe in the future) if he feels he wants to

    Basically, it's a good stepping stone for building a better relationship between the two of you, even if it only amounts to friendship. Being honest with someone tells them a lot. :slight_smile:
     
  3. ManInTheHat

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    Have you asked him how he feels about gay people?
     
  4. EMF49

    EMF49 Guest

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    It's never really come up in conversation with him but I do know he's strongly liberal which most likely means he supports gay rights and such.
     
  5. TheAMan

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    You said he's strongly liberal so yeah it is a high possibility he supports gay rights. If you really trust him, I don't see what you have to lose by telling him you're bisexual.