I've been seeing a therapist for about 5 months now. I find it really hard to open up to her about most things. Maybe because I have trust issues? I have been battling telling her I'm gay for months. I've hinted several times and last visit she tried to coax me into admitting it. The dialogue went something like this: Me: I feel like i can't go to church because when they find out some things about me they won't accept me, but I really want to go. Therapist: what things are you afraid to tell them? Me: Things i do that go against the bible Therapist: like what? Me: I... (long pause.. I try not to cry) I can't say. I'm not comfortable. I know she would accept me but I can't tell her for some reason. I know without a doubt she would be very supportive of me (the only friends I've come out to don't support me) but I just can't tell her. I have no idea why.
I was seeing a therapist for a while (about 4 months) but we never got that connection that I needed to tell her about me. I kept the walls up and kept showing her the person I wanted to be and then was really upset that she didn't see through it. It just didn't work between us because she didn't see what I wasn't showing her. I found another therapist and no longer need to see anyone. Could it be that you are afraid that the person who is supposed to be in your corner, no matter what, will disapprove of you? I kept some things from my first therapist because I didn't think she really liked me and was more interested in the money I was paying her. I didn't think that my secrets would be respected for how important they were to me. Pearls before swine and all that.
She's your therapist so there is zero chance she will judge you for it, she'll have counselled gay people before and she'll be able to help you. I think it's important you tell her especially if other people haven't been so supportive it would be nice for you to talk to someone friendly about it who understands. The fact that you've hinted at it means you clearly want her to know you just don't have the guts to do it. Ignore the fear and just go for it. Good luck. ---------- Post added 8th Dec 2012 at 02:59 AM ---------- ^^ Says the hypocrite who's only told one person :icon_bigg
I'm going through the same thing, only i mentioned it to my psychiatrist, and she is urging me to talk to my counselor about it. Just go for it. That's atleast one person you know for a fact won't judge you on it.
If it's something you have the desire to tell her, perhaps you could start your next session by giving her a short note to read explaining that you're gay and that you weren't comfortable enough to tell her. If she's a decent therapist, she'll most certainly have been trained and have experience in handling this situation with the utmost care and ability to make you feel more comfortable. Oftentimes dropping those words is the hardest step. And usually, after the initial bomb is gone, it becomes much easier to talk about it, because there's no more internal speculation on whether or not they'll accept you for it. If they're talking to you about it, you're already past that stage.
I just had my second session with a counselor at my university. It has mostly been for school-related stress, but I was able to admit that I was gay and currently stuck in a heterosexual relationship. To them, it's just a part of understanding who you are. You're having these sessions because you think you need help. This is how my counselor explained it to me: the process will be a team effort. She has studied psychology and knows how the brain works, but she doesn't know me. The more I disclose, the more she will be able to help me. Like everyone else said, your therapist isn't going to judge you. Chances are, they've heard it all before. If you can trust anyone, it's someone whose job depends on keeping a certain degree of confidentiality with you. Hope this helps! Good luck!
Yeah I still haven't been able to tell my therapist yet either. Today she asked me if I had ever been in a relationship with someone, emphasis on the someone. When I told her that I really didn't want to talk about it she just nodded. Now I'm kicking myself for not telling her. I mean she obviously knows and I think I would feel better once I told her. My problem is that I have only been able to say the word bisexual out loud once. If you are constantly finding it hard to tell your therapist things, then maybe you don't feel a connection to her. She might just not be the right fit for you. If so, you can always find another therapist. I went to several appointments with different therapists before I found one that I felt I really connected to.
I think I want to tell her today. I'm really scared though. I think the thing I'm mostscared of is awkward silence and her asking weird questions.
Good luck! I think it would be nice to have her support. If you can't bring yourself to say it, giving her a not at the begining of the session seems like a good idea. Just try to give t to her first thing, maybe, so that you can do it before you get too nervous or start changing your mind.
I don't think you have to worry about that. As others have said, she's probably heard it all before and will know how to respond. Good luck.
It took me MONTHS to tell my therapist. It was the first time I'd ever told anyone- ever. So, it was a lot to tell him. We haven't gone beyond me admitting it really. I find all discussions about relationships, and all the things that go with them, unbearably uncomfortable...I'm still working on that. Good luck today. (*hug*)
Hmmm, could it be that she's of the opposite sex? I know for me to tell a woman that's pretty I'm gay is like...surrendering my masculinity. That somehow I'm not going to be deemed as masculine as when she thought I was straight. I have this weird thing where I think it's gay to say, well.. I'm gay. lol. For me, telling a woman I'm gay is a little different from telling other guys.
I'm experiencing something similar, only I have a good relationship with my counselor. I've been with her since August, and she's never shown me anything but complete support and whatnot-- I think, for me anyway, I struggle with what Klutz said, that she's always been in my corner, and the idea that on this one issue she will disapprove or whatever is just plain scary. I think tho, if you struggle talking to yours, maybe you ought to look into seeing someone else? Just because if you struggle with telling most things to your counselor she's not really as effective as she needs to be, imo anyway.
For what it's worth, it probably took me a year or longer to tell my therapist. It wasn't central at that moment to the issues I was discussing which is probably part of why it took as long as it did, and I knew she'd be accepting... but it was still hard. But once I did, it was a huge load off of my chest and it really made therapy much more beneficial. I concur with the idea of putting it out there sooner rather than later, and the idea of giving her a note, or even sending an email in between sessions, would be good.
BudderMC put it perfectly. I told my psychiatrist at the tale end of our second session after a very long and about way. As a psychiatrist I figured he had heard just about everything, but it still was extremely difficult for me to approach the subject, let alone say it. As others have said, once you put it out there a huge weight seems to be lifted off of your shoulders. After that we were able to really get to the heart of the matter which was bothering me (accepting myself) and begin to work through it. Metaphorically speaking, it is kind of like taking a band-aid off. We have two choices. It can either be taken off very slowly or ripped off in one motion. The first option is to take our time removing the bandage. Our other option is to rip it straight off. The pain will be great, but it is only temporary, and the feeling afterward is one of great relief for the bandage has been completely removed. Sometimes our greatest obstacle to doing this option is the mental tug of war we play within our mind. Both options end up at the same result and some people prefer one over the other. If you do trust and our comfortable with the person you are currently seeing then it would be beneficial to tell her soon rather than later as others have mentioned. If you do not feel that comfortable then it is perfectly alright to seek another individual. As a therapist, she should want what is best for the patient even if that means sending them to someone else who they feel more comfortable with. Therapists, psychiatrists, and other are great but they require the individual to be completely honest in order to receive the max benefit. It is like a team effort as prism stated. I wish you the best of luck at your sessions
I did it!!! I came out to her and she was very accepting. I never thought I'd ever reach the point where I would be comfortable enough with my sexuality to share it with someone and i just came out to my therapist. At least I have one person in my life that completely excepts me.
I remember when I told my therapist, that I was transgender, it was one of the more uncomfortable times in my life. At the time, I just taught he would judge me. I would've gave you advice, but you did it already. Yay, I'm so Happy for you! ~Josie
