okay well here's the thing...i can't stand up for myself...BUT i can stand up for other people....for some reason..it's always been this way with me. like in 8th grade , this friend of mine, Charles ...well he's gay right? so one time , we were in class...and he was sorta hanging out in the classroom because he had nowhere else to go so then all the sudden , a bunch of people were like "get your gay ass out of here" and "stupid faggot" and i got so pissed , i was like...beyond mad so i stood up and i was like "how about you just shut the fuck up and leave him alone? he's not doing anything to you" and they were just like "fuck you" blah blah and this girl was all like "shut up bitch , what are you going to do?" and i was like "i'll tell you what i'll do" and i was about to go over there but the substitute teacher called security on me and Charles got kicked out as well. I've always been the one to tell my friends to leave someone alone if there messing with them ..and making fun of them...and I've lost many friends because i would do it...although i was a bully at one time , i will admit...since i had anger problems since my mother died but after 7th grade ...i stopped my bullying ways...and started helping other people if i felt they were being discriminated against or picked on for no reason. i can't stand up for myself...it seems. when people make fun of me for being 'stupid' or 'slow' or when 2 guys in my class say , im ugly or point out something that's on my face but say it loud enough where everyone can hear it , i always keep quiet and feel embarrassed inside and i remember whenever i was in middle school , i got called "dog-face" and "anorexic" because i was skinny (still am) and i just barely stood up myself , i had anger problems so i would tell them to fuck off and leave me alone but it still got to me. can anyone relate?
Well, from a psychological view it probably sounds like you subconsciously, or maybe even consciously feel you deserve the teasing. I can't really think of any other reason why you wouldn't stand up for yourself, but are so adamant about standing up for others. You should probably work on esteem issues, as it sounds like you have a few. Just know, that you don't deserve anything but happiness. All the best.
I can completely understand your feelings. I am a non confrontational person and the thought of confronting anyone gives me anxiety. I may have strong feelings of annoyance and hatred but expressing those feelings to coworkers, friends, or family can be impossible. Sometimes it can be a good thing or bad thing though. Some people are just not worth your time confronting. I would suggest seeing a counselor or talking to a trusted friend about this and find a way to get over this anxiety or whatever it is causing you not being able to defend yourself. Its ok to be the way you are and there is nothing wrong with. From my perspective its means you have self control a quality a lot of people do not have no matter how much they deny it. I am not saying there is no need to defend your self it is just being non confrontational is not always bad thing.
i guess , i can see why...i'm not sure ---------- Post added 7th Dec 2012 at 07:27 PM ---------- yeah, if some says mean things to me ...i wont do anything but if someone does it somebody else....i will say something
I'd disagree. Of course, neither of us are in any position to give psychological analyses to anyone, but I'll give my two cents anyways. The first thing that came to mind was the intention beyond the act. When you stand up for someone else, you're doing something valorous, something heroic, something kind. People might get upset with you for standing up for the victim, but you can stand fast knowing that you're doing "the right thing". And most people can see the value in standing up for someone else. Now, when you stand up for yourself, it's trickier. First off, by doing that you associate within yourself that if you're being bullied for being gay (or whatever), that it is indeed a problem and something you need to defend yourself for. Additionally, standing up for yourself could be argued as much more of a selfish action than standing up for someone else. And when you stand up for yourself, you can't guarantee that anyone else is there to back you up. Standing up for someone else at least guarantees there's the other person who's on the same side as you - there's strength (confidence?) in numbers. And at the end of the day, when you stand up for yourself, there's a giant target on your back, and that's scary. When you stand up for someone else, you know that you're not necessarily taking the brunt of what's being thrown. I dunno, that's just speculation, but I'd argue it's more of a strictly social thing than a self-esteem thing, and rather normal for everyone. Like you, I'll stick up for other people no problem, but I don't often do it for myself. Perhaps it's because I prefer to be stoic.
yeah , when i stand up for other people , a lot of people thinking im being a "hot shot" like i want attention and thats why i lost a lot of friends but i know if someone is fucking with my friend like that , there's no way in hell ...im going to let them get away with but if they mess with me...let them do they please...im more of a person who makes sacrifices for some reason
I'm actually kind of the opposite. If someone else is in trouble I go into circles wondering if they'd rather I help or just get out of their business, but when someone picks on me, I will fight back. I don't fight back physically, though (I'm clumsy and weak), I fight back verbally and by talking to authority about it.
