yayyy, it's christmas time!!! and everybody around me is totally freaking out about getting presents, decorating their homes, cookies, shopping and where, when, how to celebrate... except me. I'm just under a sh**load of work so I don't even get free weekends. Since I cancelled every social activity, save eating with my family on weekends, my parents made up with the ingenious idea of signing up for me to houseworming parties, apero and whatever they could find. On top of that, they plan on going with the whole family to our weekendhouse over christmas time. Not that I didn't like it there but I have to learn for my exams and there's no internet no quiet room for learning no room where I could draw back if I need to my grandpa and his gf Besides of all my work, I'm already going thorugh a pretty though time right now. No sports for over half a year now, no hunger for over 7 weeks now, regular insomnia for over 7 weeks now. Last monday my therapist didn't show up to the appointment and so far he didn't answer his phone. It's not that I didn't like to go away with my family but I need a place to "hide", I need my silence to learn and sometimes I even need internet to check for something... How am I supposed to put up with them being exposed to them practically 24 / 7? Even now I'm hard pressed to realx at all and even under self hypnosis I have no garantee that I can calm down to focus on the tasks at hand.
Hey, it sounds that you are under a lot of pressure at the moment. I know that and it really sucks, especially the insomnia part. Is it because you lie awake ruminating about your problems in bed? Working/studying long ours, giving yourself no time out before going to sleep? I did that for a while and it didn't bode too well on my health. Your parents probably only meant well by signing you up to all those social occasions to help you relax a bit. Unfortunately they don't realize that they create only more pressure by it. Been there, done that, but I can't give you any real good advice. When I found myself in a similar situation, I exploded, because I felt people where overstepping their boundaries interfering with my schedule unasked and unapproved and that is not really the best way to handle things. When are your exams? Between Christmas and New Year's Eve? I know you probably don't want to hear this, but can you allow yourself to go to your family holiday and throw the books in a corner and forget about them for a few days? I mean literally throw. That always helped me a bit Think about cancelling the other appointments that were made for you and go have a good time with your family. If they are bothering, pestering or annoying you 24/7 can you get out of the house for a couple of hours to get some alone time? Maybe on a tour to clear your head? Keep your chin up mate and don't be so hard on yourself!
Hey Bleak, thanks for your answer. Just that someone else already had been there and is still alife is some kind of support Insomnia comes due to lack of physical activities (injured since 03.3012) and constant worries about my studies, being single and therefore feeling very lonely, worries about ever finding a boyfriend and in such times struggling with my sexuality. I can accept it better by far when I don't have to worry about all the other things. Before exploding or blowing up sth I now decided talking to my parents again is far better. I reduced every social activity to the minimum, just to show up at places and introduce myself. I can get back to work in about 15 minutes, that should be acceptable. As for throwing my books, I'd rather not do that due to expensive books, due to heavy books (about 3.5 kg per book) and I set up a schedule they'll have to accept and respect as a precondition for me celebrating with them. It's a schedule for reduced learning but it should protect me against getting into trouble. I got my exams in January but "much to learn I have" or "I shall not pass"
Hey shy! Ah, the bittersweet poison that is loneliness tends to corrupt our thinking and perception. Why do you worry about ever finding a boyfriend? You'll have plenty of time and opportunities ahead of you. For the time being, what do you think you can do about the situation? Sounds reasonable to me. Maybe you have something cheaper and lighter in reach that can be thrown without causing (too much) damage I wish you all the best for your exams!
