I wrote a thread a while back asking for advice on how to stop girls making a move on me whilst still staying in the closet... And had some good advice. Yet there's still a girl who will not leave me alone! This 'girl' I mentioned is in fact better described as a woman. She is in her 30s and is divorced. I know her from work, where we became friends as I am quite a friendly guy who will speak to anyone. She has been texting me for a few months and will not leave me alone! I try to be nice to her without leading her on. The only time I may have led her on is when she asked why I wasn't attracted to her and I said she is beautiful, which I only said so I didn't hurt her feelings. I've used all the excuses I could think of, such as how I'm not looking for a relationship or how it wouldn't work due to the age difference. Yet she still keeps pursuing me. Lately the text messages have stopped and she has instead started calling me. She called me earlier tonight and told me how she really wants to be with a younger guy after her marriage failed and asked if I would be interested in coming to her place one night. I dismissed her as she was drunk and I said she would think differently when sober. But she said she has never thought so clearly... And asked me what the problem is? I managed to eventually end the phone call amicably. I feel like I am in a no win situation. I can't tell her the real reason why I am not interested in her as I'm not ready to come out yet. But I see her every day at work and feel awkward as I constantly have to avoid her. Why can't we live in a world where nobody judges people for their sexuality? A place where I could just tell a girl I am gay and she would be like "ok, no worries." I hate feeling this way as I can't help having feelings for guys. I just wish I could find a way to let this girl down gently without hurting her feelings. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Ouch bro that sucks, I would just tell her, or I would go to the boss and tell em how the female is making you uncomfortable at work.
Well I can't tell her I'm gay. I think I just need to stop trying to be nice and be firm with her. She usually just ignores me when I do this and keeps trying to make a move but I'm gonna be firm and tell her once and for all I'm not interested in her.
TBH, if it's making you uncomfortable at work then it's harassment. If you are unable to tell her the truth, and she won't leave you alone, I would suggest having a word with your manager. I can't see any way round it that wouldn't be awkward in some way. The only other thing to do is wait it out and hope she loses interest.
Just tell her that you aren't interested. It doesn't necessarily mean that you are gay if you don't want to go out with one specific individual, so telling her you aren't interested will not out you. If she asks for a more specific reason you could tell her that you aren't interested in older women, or that she isn't your type, or that you aren't looking for a relationship right now, none of which are lies or would give away your sexuality. If she continues after that tell your boss that she is harassing you, it might be a messy process, but at that point it would be necessary.
I can imagine that would make a straight person uncomfortable too. If you aren't interested in someone you aren't interested in someone. I would be firmer with her. If she can't take the hint then you probably shouldn't be friends with her.
