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Losing someone to breast cancer

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by ClassicRock, Dec 9, 2012.

  1. ClassicRock

    Regular Member

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    This morning my dad called me at boarding school. He was in the car with my mother and they were driving up to my grandmothers house. He told me that she had gone to the doctors with my uncle and was diagnosed with severe breast cancer. Apparently my grandma already knew because she was told FIVE GOD DAMN YEARS ago and just didnt tell anyone.
    I know that breast cancer is a common thing, but I never thought it would hit someone this close to me. My grandma took me in me after my parents figured out I was gay, because her son, my dads step brother, is also gay. She slapped some sence into my parent, told them it was their job to love me always, no matter what sex I was bringing home. That I was still there little baby girl.

    And now I'm losing her. The one person who keeps my family in check and accepting:icon_sad:
     
  2. ClassicRock

    Regular Member

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    I just have NO idea how to lose someone slowly. I was hoping someone else has had this experience and maybe they could just tell me what it's going to be like
     
  3. Yuliya

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    it's so difficult... you live every day like last one, you try to be optimistic but your heart is splits apart... but you have chanse to say all important words to your grandmam and be near her because she needs you so much...
    You have to be strong for her, for your parents and for yourself

    if You want to talk feel free to write anytime
     
  4. Kidd

    Kidd Guest

    My mom was actually just diagnosed with breast cancer a few months ago, at the beginning of this fall semester. She's still in the middle of chemotherapy right now. At first I was in total denial. I always told her "You'll be fine" any time she mentioned how worried she was about anything because I couldn't even begin to think about the alternative. And then she had both of her breasts removed. And I said, "You'll be fine." And then she lost all of her hair and I said..."You'll be fine." The first time I saw her without hair I was totally speechless. I had a full day of classes, 12 hours, and I wouldn't want to come home at night because I couldn't even look at her without feeling this horrible sense of dread and anxiety and depression. I drank a lot of wine this semester because of it. And now...she's slowly getting back to work. Her bald head doesn't even register to me anymore, and she seems happy enough. She likes to experiment with funky hats now.

    I did cry about it a lot. I had a really bad breakdown in my car once I made it to my campus' parking lot one morning right before her double-mastectomy. It just wasn't FAIR. That's what I was so upset about. My mom is a good person who puts her soul into everything she does for the public and her family. She's beautiful. Happy. Kind. Why her? I had a Spanish test to take though so I had to pull myself together and get out of the car which was way harder than it actually sounds. You will cry about it. And that's ok. Take all the time in the world to cry if you need it. But don't cry in front of her.

    Ultimately...I think we've all healed a bit as a family by talking about it, and joking about it. When my mom had her mastectomy I told her a Joan River's joke I heard; "You're not losing a breast, you're losing 10 pounds. You're down a dress size bitch!" My mom was like, "Gage, that's not funny." But she smiled and laughed anyway. Just...don't sweep it under the rug. Drag it into the light so you all know what's going on and you're all informed and just be there for each other. I can't even imagine how your Grandma must have felt keeping it a secret from her family for years. I'm sure she's probably tired and could use a shoulder right now.
     
    #4 Kidd, Dec 9, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 9, 2012