I'm a FTM transgender and I have a friend that I have a big crush on. He doesn't know I'm trans but I have told him that if I were a boy I would date him. He seemed to take this well, but he probably thought it was a joke. I met him because he had a crush on my ex boyfriend and we hung out in a group a few times. I've kept in contact with him ever since. He's gay, but I'm not sure how he would take the news that I'm trans and gay and have a crush on him. I really want to tell him even though we haven't known each other for long, I feel like I can trust him. What should I do?
I was thinking about making him cookies for Christmas and spelling out a word on each one and telling him that way. Maybe it would be best to tell him one thing at a time. All of that could be a lot to take in. I don't know, I've never done this before.
If that trust isn't just a feeling, but backed up by real emotional disclosure between you two (as in, you've talked about things that are usually secrets/very personal), then I'd say go for it. Obviously tell him at the right time, when you're alone together and relaxed. As for his answer, as a guy too (born male), I think he may give you a chance, at least I think I would at least. It's definitely something he'd have to think about, since dating a trans person is just something that doesn't usually occur to non-trans people. I'm sure that he'd be fine with you being trans, since being openly gay usually comes hand in hand with open-mindedness. As for whether he'd be sexually interested in you, it depends on him. I'm bisexual, but if I were to look at the "gay part of myself" and identify why I like guys, it's really independent of their physical gender, I'm more attracted to the conceptual gender. I just feel more comfortable sexually and emotionally around guys, and I like the balance of being in a relationship with one (I've never been into the idea of dominant/submissive roles, which tend to be a natural part of female-male relationships). So I'd say there's a good chance he'd be interested once he's wrapped his mind around the idea.
I did it! I told him everything. He was very sweet and understanding about everything. Unfortunately, the feelings were not mutual, but I was prepared to hear that. I'm glad I told him. Now that he knows, maybe I'll have a chance in the future.
