sunday i fly home. mom knows i was dressing male when i left to school my haircut was boyish, now it is even shorter i had to come out at school cuz the system tells all my classmates and teachers my full birth name and i must correct them that i am no girl. i got an photo id card with my shortened name i go by, and look male (pix is on EC photo wall) mom does not know i am transgender, but she knows ME. i never dated, never talked of men, except when i defended their rights and stuff i have a girl who i am out to wanting to date me so much, not want me to get away, and even okay with us having sex, and i have secretly always liked girls as a boy, not as a girl we are Christians and we go to church, and yes i will go in binder, and want to wear my packer too i am seriously thinking i can't stay female forever, i think i may need to change i got a therapy appt in 2 days, if they think i am trans too... i bet that this Christmas mom will be getting a gift she was not expecting... a son coming home. how do i tell her? i said before besides religion she is bi polar, mild schizophrenic, and has bad kidneys with dialysis, and i am her only son, she has no close family but me, and she is scared of men...thinks we all are rapists. somehow with all i see others doing coming out, and where i am now with being out at school, and knowing what i feel inside it can't be fake can it? I am not making up all these thoughts and feelings and decades of dreaming of being with a girl as a guy, right? Since there is a way to make me right, is it okay now? Can I come out at home and be safe? How? If it is fake, I must not! If this is really real...how do i do this? Is it wise? So many many gays on here have done it. Good golly! It is so sad! Why do we even need to! Why can't they just see us dating who we date and smile? Good golly truth is scary!! Reading what I think and feel and what others do to come out to everybody...secrets are not godly. What do i do??
(*hug*) Your feelings are real. If you've been feeling like a man your entire life, then it is real. It's normal to have feelings of doubt especially when you're about to do something terrifying like coming out to your mom. Our mind has a way of instilling doubt in us when we're about to do something we're afraid of doing. I think if you're ready to move forward and if you feel like it's time to come out to your mom, then you should do it. I don't know if it will be safe for you to come out at home though. Are you financially dependent on your mom? Do you feel suffocated by being closeted and not telling your mom? These are important things to consider before telling her. I've heard people say on here that if the negative effects of being closeted outweigh the benefits from staying in then you should come out. And I think that's a good rule to live by and something you should think about before saying anything to her. As for coming out, do whatever feels comfortable to you. Coming out is about you and not about other people. Come out in a way that feels comfortable for you.
Thank you for your response. I always request ion myself. I read others LGBT doing exact same stuff! We don't want to come out as one thing...only later to discover we labeled wrong and are not. We think if we say we are Queer, and find out later it was just thoughts not reality we are not Queer, it is too late once we told everybody and we will be labeled as kooks! So, are we? Kooks or Queers? It is terrifying. I had no idea what coming out was like for my gay male friends. I thought it seemed stupid, and selfish, why you telling people for? I read a really early post here I made 5 days after joining and finding the definition of transgender online. I was happy to forever stay in closet I said. I think I asked for excuses to stay in, so I could read the stupidity of it, and be capable of coming out. I am scared. I have since for various reasons been coming out openly so much it is like water spilling. I talked about it in class openly today! I am so out! I even feel proud to be a man on campus. Now in 6 days I fly home to be created by my birth name, be called her/she/girl/lady/miss/maam... female? woman?? ew! Closeted up again? Can I even remmy how to act like a girl full time? Do I WANT to go back in? I am financially safe. But mom moved into my place before I left. So I will be living same place, and until I clean my room sleep same room. I got a bunk bed! I will be surrounded by all the girl things I collected to make me feel happy before. Some guys hated all girly stuff at young age, some are like me in denial and confused, and didn't see any hope so tried to find ways to adjust/cope/survive. I shopped for pretty and top quality fashion: cross-dressers, translates, and anybody adores Nordstroms/Saks/and ModCloth clothing should buy my lightly worn stuff! My closet I came out of? It is FILLED with really good looking timeless stuff! And...straight men who don't cross dress are not comfy in it, and I can't put them on anymore. But I will be reminded of my past. I will see it. Loss: can't wear it. Do I want to? not really...everytime I did I saw a man in drag, and others saw a pretty but weird woman, so they are not really for me. But if i had a wife she would look so fine! I will do a list: -/+. See what is most important to me. I hope I do decide to come out to her. If I do and she can accept me as her boy, I will be so happy! I never allowed myself to imagine what if everybody is okay with the news. If she was sad I decided to not remain female, as she had wanted a daughter, but was okay with me transitioning, it would give me more reason to consider that option, and maybe discuss it with her. if she could love me as a man, i could continue to be same as i always have acted with her, but feel more normal when i said in frustration : "woman! what you thinking?" if she accepts me, i can stop hearing my birth name uttered from her lips forever! she's always known i hated it, and was willing to change it, so what if she could call me david? to go home in summers and Christmas and be told "you are my precious darling son" would feel good! To have her say she's proud of me growing up to be such a fine young gentleman would mean a lot! oh i wish this to happen someday! i cringe at female pronouns, to hear her say male ones would fell better. i will think bout it more.
I get that you're afraid of thinking that you're wrong but think of it this way. You've come out to a lot of people at your new university and you feel happier that people see you as male. You even said it yourself that when you tried to fit in and dress like a girl, you saw a man in drag. I think you're pretty certain on who you are. The chances of you being wrong about being male are very slim. Like I said, doubt is normal when you're about to do something scary. It's your mind's way of dealing with fear. I personally believe that if somebody came out as something else and then realized they were wrong, then there's nothing wrong with that. for example, I'm coming out as gay to people I know. But let's say somewhere down the line I happen to meet a man I love and then identify as bisexual. Does that make me crazy? No of course not. It just means I discovered something new about myself that I hadn't before. People aren't static. We're constantly changing our opinions, labels, and growing as individuals. You'll find that if you compare people from 10 years ago to today, you'll see just how much they have changed. So it's not crazy if you thought you were lgbt and then realized you were actually straight. But if anyone has been thinking for so long that they may be lgbt and have had the feelings to go along with it... then it's very likely that they're right about being queer. Anyways, Idk if that was helpful but good luck in coming out to your mom if that's what you decide to do.
I know I think every exam I will fail, and sometimes I do...but sometimes I ace it, and I wonder why I feared it. Fear is deadly, the Bible even says repeatedly not to fear, it maybe natural but it hinders progress badly! So, lets say I kill fear...she's dead. My mind is no linger allowed to doubt...Doubt was kicked out. Now what? Im pretty Queer. Im def not the "norm"... If I come out, don't mean I must begin of T the next hour. Some guys maybe even stop for a while. Do I need a GID specialist to confirm it before I come out more? I need to think about it. I got 6 days.
I'm in the sort-of same situation. I'm going home on the 14th. My mom is borderline, so her emotions are always sketchy too. Argh. I'm feeling you on this one.
Thanks for saying so. Are you coming out at school too? If you have, don't it feel strange knowing you want to go home, but same time, you have become different then the fake u who left? Mom won't see the old you again...unless you go back in and can fake some more. I feel nauseas.
I'm not out at school, yet, but I definitely dress the way I want. I wear nice shirts and ties and slacks to events and I dress like a guy regardless. Some of my friend know that I don't like being referred to as a girl/woman/etc. but they don't really understand. I don't really need them to understand because they are fine with me acting how I want. Yeah, I want to go home. Finals week is very stressful and I just want to relax.. but at the same time, it probably won't be very relaxing. Oi vey. I guess we'll see. What sort of stuff did you do as you were coming out, besides dressing differently?
I try to stop acting. I had 3/4 of the time watched carefully how others were acting and tried to fit in...miserably. I don't feel that is moral. So I guess I am like a toddler again, just being myself. i cut my hair twice now each time got shorter. and i noted I am able to openly flirt with girls. never purposefully flirted with them before, even though i did in daydreams. basically all i had daydreamed about for my lifetime i have allowed to become real. and so i have got girls to like me. that is different stuff.
