Hi all, first off sorry if this is the wrong subforum to be in. First time here and in fact first time discussing anything like this to anyone, short of a few days ago with a friend of mine. In the last three or four years I have been questioning my sexual/romantic orientation and am still confused. I don't believe in labels, but I feel I can understand myself more if I figure out exactly what I identify with. Here's the deal: First off, I am a male. I am sexually attracted to strictly females. That I am sure of and thus know I am heterosexual. It is my romantic orientation I call into question. I am physically attracted to both males and females, albeit more often towards females. I enjoy being in close contact with both sexes such as cuddling, hugging, holding hands, etc. But when it becomes intimate such as kissing or anything remotely sexual in nature (even intimate cuddling) I am only interested in doing so with females. I have only dated females in the past, and do not know whether or not I could date a male, whether it would work for me. Thus far, I believe I am an affectionate heteroromantic that can see attraction in all people, but am not romantically attracted to both genders, as would I be if I was biromantic. I have always been an affectionate person, ever since I was a little kid always hugging everyone. Make sense? I want your opinion on this however, hence why I post here. However, there is one case where I believe I have exhibited romantic attraction towards a fellow male. A few years ago my best friend, lets call him Matt, went through a series of relationships (during highschool) and I was with him by his side through all of them. Through his happiness and his heartache. Some times I felt some jealousy towards him for always being in a relationship and attracting all these girls, as I had little luck in that department. Some, but little. Yet during a two month period I found I was starting to become jealous of the girls, for getting to date him. For getting his love and affection; and I wanted that. We have a very strong emotional bond with each other, but it has always been one of brotherly love, with no romantic interest existing. It was just during this short period that I exhibited these feelings of jealousy for him. So...I'm hoping you can help me figure out exactly "what I am", though I hate saying those words. Sorry for the lengthy message, and thanks
Man..I read your post a couple of times trying to figure it out myself and I still don't know. The only thing I can say is I'm pretty sure you're straight. Biromantic ..maaaybe but you said you only got this for your friend? Which I think is probably natural thing. I know I got that way when I saw two of my girl friends in a relationship and I felt lonely; but I don't like girls what so ever. The thing is, do you still feel that way for him? Or was it just a thing and it faded out within time? Cause if it was just a phase I wouldn't worry about it too much.
I actually know where you're coming from, before I knew I was 100% bisexual (I've always been sexually attracted to guys, but never romantically until recently), I had similar feelings for my best friend. He started dating last year, and when I learned that he had asked a girl out, I was very confused about what I felt. Jealous of him AND jealous of her. Despite the fact I did turn out to be bisexual, I resolved my feelings for my friend to be just that, a very close friend. It just threw me that he started dating first, since I always thought of him as the wingman type friend, and I was also jealous of the time he spent with his girlfriend. I'd say that's a natural response. So, if your answer to the following questions are no, then I'd say you're straight (at least for now, these things do change): A) Are you sexually attracted to males (not necessarily in terms of having sex, perhaps just being aroused by a male)? B) Are you romantically attracted to males/have you ever loved a guy (in terms of wanting to be physically close to him, holding him, etc. If you answered yes to either of the questions, I'd say you might be in a sort of transitional phase, that you're perhaps just waiting for the right guy to pop up and just jolt your sexuality into the open, that's what happened to me lol.
Everything in your post seems pretty straight to me. The fact that you had these feelings for your friend is entirely "normal". As males we are socially taught to feel nothing but mild admiration for our friends, which is a bit crazy. Men have to be emotionally bonded to other men in order to become friends. I think 20th/21th century male friendships look much different than they would have throughout history. So what's the difference between a loving friendship, and a romantic relationship? Well, you've got to answer that for yourself, but I'd say not much. For me it's about sharing intimacy (both physical and emotional) on a day to day basis that my male friendships can't really match. I have plenty of male friends who I love dearly, and certainly more than in a platonic sense, but I couldn't really see doing ordinary romantic relationship type things with them, i.e. dates, commitment, cohabitation. If you can see doing these things with your friend, maybe it's time to reevaluate your feelings. Hope this was of some help.
Thanks everyone, your replies helped . Based on what you said I am heteroromantic and indeed what I went through with my friend was a short phase. I think Im just affectionate in general, lol. Thanks for the replies, and equality for all!
telling from what you posted, you sound pretty heterosexual to me. but, im not you and therefore dont know all your feelings. your really the only one who can know who you like, and in my opinion it never hurts to experiment/date around. im not sure if that helped at all, but good luck!
You don't really sound as bisexual as you do a very "touchy-feely' person, and there's nothing wrong with that. Society seems to looks down on men who don't hate any sort of contact with anyone else.
If you don't like labels, why are you trying to find out 'who i am'. Its possible for you to be attracted to A male, or a hand few of males, but be completely heterosexual. Heterosexual for me deals with "I mainly date females (if your a male) and feel attracted to females". I myself cannot imagine myself being with a females, however I do i girls, i'm attracted to them, I like to hold cuddle. Just like sexually. I consider myself Gay Homosexual. There are homosexuals who have had sex with females in their past.
Not sure... Sometimes it gets one person to wake those feelings. That said, you do sound like bi-romantic-ISH. You definitely sounds towards girls... and not boys.
