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Am I gay? Weighing up the arguments for and against

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by BrixtonAcademy, Dec 10, 2012.

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  1. BrixtonAcademy

    BrixtonAcademy
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    Ok so I've been battling with this for the last 6 months now. My sexuality is just a complete mystery. One thing I do know is that I'm definitely not fixed at either end of the spectrum... not even close. Could I be bisexual? Please no one take offence to this following question, I'm not echoing my beliefs, I'm just raising a common question that I just don't know the answer to; How legitimate is male bisexuality?

    What I'm gonna do, and please feel free to chip in with your own opinions or further questions, is make a list of the things in favor of me being straight and in favor of me being gay. Might sound a bit ridiculous, but I just think if I write it down it might make things a bit clearer. I might even be of help to some other people questioning, which would be great.

    So here goes (please be warned some of these may be stereotypes, I'm just throwing out any old thing and seeing what people think. I am not here to offend):

    Straight

    > I'm 20 and never doubted I was straight until 6 months ago
    > Have had several successful heterosexual relationships
    > In said relationships, I have always enjoyed and wanted sex, often initiating
    > Have had successful and enjoyable sex with lots of women (I think around 15)
    > I grew up having crushes on girls right through my childhood
    > I have been in love with a girl, and I can be absolutely certain of that
    > Always masturbated to straight, mostly lesbian porn until questioning, and still do but not always
    > Always fantasize about women when masturbating, and always did before I lost my virginity
    > Never had emotional feelings for or a crush on another man


    Gay

    > I seem to climax faster when watching gay porn
    > I am questioning my sexuality (pretty sure straight people aren't THIS obsessed)
    > I can tell pretty quickly when another man is attractive
    > I don't consider myself THAT masculine (might just be a self-conscious thing though) and am not at all aggressive (sorry if stereotyping)
    > Very clothing savvy
    > Am quite passive/submissive to heterosexual men (though I'm sure I wasn't til I started questioning)
    > Most of my core friendship group is male, but I feel slightly more socially comfortable around females
    > Quite shy and afraid to make a move around attractive girls even though I am pretty good-looking (apparently) and have been successful with women in the past

    And here's a bonus (silly) one that is in favor of both sides: When I was younger I wanted to either be an actor or a professional footballer! :eusa_danc

    Probably missed some out but I think those are the key ones. Thoughts?
     
    #1 BrixtonAcademy, Dec 10, 2012
  2. Cap’nSerious

    Cap’nSerious
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    Location:
    Washington D.C.
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Mhh, I would say you are Bi-Sexual. You like Both. or could be that you like men sexuality, but you like women romantically.

    ~Josie
     
    #2 Cap’nSerious, Dec 10, 2012
  3. BudderMC

    BudderMC
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    The first piece of advice is to stop thinking about "what you have done" or "what you think fits being gay". The former is stuff you can't change and doesn't indicate what you are now, and the latter leads into stereotypes which aren't necessarily true.

    Bottom line, to be gay/bi means to have physical and/or emotional attraction to men. At this present moment, do you have that?

    Then, ask yourself the same question regarding women. Any physical/emotional attraction?

    This is not to mitigate all the thinking you've done, but I feel like you just need to dumb it down a bit. It really is just about who you're attracted to, you know. :slight_smile:
     
    #3 BudderMC, Dec 10, 2012
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