Hello, I'm new here and I think this is a very good website! I'd really like to ask for advice. So when I was about 9, I had feelings for another girl. In fact it was Mindy off Drake and Josh. Every time she came on the screen I got butterflies and I think I had a tiny crush on her. After a while I forgot about it. Until I was 11. I had another crush on another girl. This time I knew her in real life and I really really liked her. Unfortunately I made it obvious that I liked her and her friends told a few people and the girl completely avoided me. Then in the same year I had a crush on her best friend. I pretended to like guy celebrities to fit in and 'prove' that I wasn't gay. At that age I guess deep down I knew I liked girls but I ignored that fact until I was about 14 when I found out my friend was a lesbian and I came out to her. But then my feelings for girls began to go away a bit and I got totally confused. Right now I'm 16 and I came out as bi to my family early this year. Im not sure if I am bi but at the time it felt right to come out as bi. I am, yet again, confused about my sexuality. I feel like I don't have feelings for anybody and it does make me feel really lonely. When people talk about relationships and stuff, I wish that I could relate, but I can't. I hate how confused I am. I've gone from having massive crushes to not having any at all. Last year though, I'm pretty sure I loved my best friend. You know when everything about a person makes you like them, and you never stop thinking about them and enjoy every minute with them blah blah blah. I always think about my old crushes when I'm confused thinking it will make things clearer but it doesn't. Has anyone else ever been this confused? I'm just tired of it really. Thank you for reading!
I say, don't worry about it. Your what 17? You have plenty of time to figure other people and how you relate to them out. For the moment work on yourself and enjoy your crushes when they come and don't freak when they don't. At 17 a lot of people are going through hormonal things that will even out as they get older.
Before I came out, I went through a lot of questioning too. Like you, I've had crushes on celebrities of the same sex as a kid and even people I knew of the same sex. Questioning is definitely normal for everyone. I guess the question is, do you find women attractive in ways different than men? Is there something *more* you see in women that you don't seem to see in men? I know for me, I felt something different towards men than I ever found in women. But, I digress. The point is, questioning is completely normal, and I think it's very helpful if you step back from the complex emotions and just focus on how you feel towards both genders. Hope this helps!
Sounds a bit to me like you got burned, and it`s having an effect on you now. Like another poster said, you are 17. There is plenty of time to figure out which box you fit, or if you even fit one at all. It is completely okay to be your own box! Sometimes, when we get hurt early, it can complicate things when we grow up. Maybe you are bi, maybe you are a lesbian. It should not matter. Remember that you are so much more than your sexuality. You are a person, and still a young one. I am 25 and in some ways I still do not know myself perfectly. I think the most helpful thing for you right now, is to calm down, take a deep breath and try to let the past go. You were hurt, it is okay to feel bad about that. But back then, you were all children. Children rarely know the best way to handle a situation (this applies for most adults too), your friend did not know how to feel or what to do, so she found it uncomfortable and avoided you. This does not mean that you are bound to get hurt the same way in the future. It might happen, I think we all feel that dating and love is a bit of a hit and miss game as of a general. God knows I have felt that way. But this goes regardless if one is straight, bi, gay or lesbian. Dating can be tough. There are no guarantee that we will never be hurt again. But once we grow older, and more confident, we might learn to accept the losses and the misses, and rather celebrate the hits, the little victories. I didn`t manage to get myself into a serious relationship with a woman until recently. Before that I had 5 years of unsuccessful dating. It has been frustrating at times, but it was worth it in the end. So just try to chill, don`t feel like you have to have all the answers now, because that is completely unrealistic Just try to allow yourself to grow up naturally, get to know yourself and focus on other things in your life. What do you like to do, how do you want to live your life? What is important to you? Those are good questions. And be good to yourself! Enjoy life. Sure, it can be miserable at times, lol, but mostly, life is a bag of opportunities. They don`t all pin out, but every once in a while they do
