Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love the holidays. The music, the decorations, the festivities. But, at the same time I also dread them. All the extra family time (I am not out to my family). All the questions, "So, do you have a girlfriend?" Ah, no. "Are you seeing anyone?" Yeah, sort of, but not who you'd think, it's more of just a crush right now. "I should set you up with my friend" Thanks, but no. How is is possible that my favourite time of the year also brings about so much dread and apprehension?
I feel ya about the awkward family questions. The little contact I have with my extended family, and believe me I've kept it to a minimum, is always questions about my dating life. It's none of their business, and furthermore, if they wanted to be a part of my life and know what goes on in it, they shouldn't have tortured me when I was a little kid and constantly called me derogatory names.
I suspect it's the same for many people in similar situations, probably in part because of the traditional aspect of the holidays, and anything that doesn't fit "tradition" seems to stick out or feel out of place. I also feel the same way about some weddings (especially the ones where they make a big deal about the single people there). In both cases it's also an occasion to catch up with people you don't see very often, and it feels kinda depressing to answer their questions with vague or evasive answers.
Thanks for the replays. I knew that I was not alone in my feelings about the holidays, but it is nice to hear from others that they have similar reactions. It is a struggle wanting to just tell the family "look I'm gay" and knowing that they all won't react well at all to that information. Someday... In the mean time all you can do is make the most of the time with them as best you can.
thats probably what i dislike the most about the holidays. Every time theres a holiday and im going with my family i have to get prepared to answer the same questions every freaken year. do i have a girlfriend? no. what about that one girl? oh you mean my friend?just my friend. shit, every time they see me i get those questions asked. and quite frankly im sick of it. but yet im not ready to tell them im gay. Maybe those questions will stop, but then there will be more annoying ones. I guess thats what we have to deal with sometimes.
Things just got a little bit brighter. I got invited to spend Christmas afternoon and evening with one of my best friends family and have Christmas dinner with them. I will still have dinner with my family on Christmas eve. This greatly relieves the pressure from family members. I am not out to my friend or his family, but they won't ask the probing questions my family is likely to. On a side note, on January 7th I am scheduled to start with a queer support group at university. I am tremendously excited to meet some new people and really begin working on coming out. I am counting the days and can hardly wait for the new year.
I just thought I would update everyone on my Christmas. I just got back from my friends house. I had a wonderful time with his family. I had a quiet Christmas at home this morning with my parents. None of my siblings could make it this year. So, all in all it was a pretty good holiday. I still haven't come out to anyone in the real world yet. But I think there is hope for me. I am feeling stronger and more confident in who I am every day. Being a part of the Empty Closets community has been a big part of my recent growth. Reading what other people have experienced and are going thru has been a huge help to me. So, Happy Holidays to everyone, and thanks for listening.
JohnJ Glad to hear that your confidence is growing. If my family did not know, questions like that would irritate the crap out of me as well. I have gotten to the point where I auto-correct when I meet relatives that I haven`t seen in a while, if they ask me if I met a nice guy lately. I`ll go "Nope, but I did get a girl-friend, så my love life is going great, thank you!" They have been reacting with a bit of shock, but it`s a little fun for me, actually. I love pushing buttons when it comes to people who pretend to care about your life. My closest family has known since I was around 19-20. Så, all I have left is all relatives, but after this Christmas, most know You can get there too, one day, if you want it. Is getting their questions to stop the most important part of why you want to tell them? Or do you actually want them to know? Because you can technically tell them stuff that might make them stop asking, if you are not ready to come out yet, but can`t deal with the constant nagging. By stuff I mean like: "I am considering becoming a monk, so relationships are a no-no." Some silly completely unserious stuff that will make them feel silly for asking. Rolling your eyes during delivery would make it sting a little, lol. "My love life is private." "I am planning a moon trip and I really can`t make some poor person wait for me until I come back, have you ever seen aliens?" I had some fun with an uncle once, who kept nagging about my love life. I told him he was showing an unhealthy interest, and then I stared at him with a raised eyebrow until he got the meaning and became very embarrased and uncomfortable. He didn`t ask me again. But I can be somewhat evil in how I deal with relatives, lol, so you probably shouldn`t follow my advice
