This is gonna be one of those vent/rants, so please excuse the lack of sense this will make. I'm tired of pretending to be a guy. I know plenty of people have put on the charade longer than I've been alive, but it's just too much. Sometimes, I just wanna let go of all the effort I put into hiding my true female self, and just wanna let it all out and be myself. I can't even bring myself to come out to my closest friends for fear of judgement. I know that they'll accept me, but I just get choked up and can't do it. But it's really killing me inside just bottling it all up and acting like a guy. I've already started to get a little careless, and people have asked if I'm gay, and some even asked if I was trans recently. I was glad to know it didn't bother then, but I still didn't tell them. Either way, I just really wish I could be myself for once :bang:
I know how you feel it sucks. I too can't come out to my closets friends for similar yet different reasons. If you don't mind me asking, how old are you? And are your parents open minded at all? Because if they're pretty open minded about things like this they can be a big support group for you. Yes granted, parents are probably on the most difficult level when it comes to this, but trust me it helps. And then once you get your support group, you can start becoming your female self.
I know you are feeling frustrated, but I really am happy that it seems you have friends who will accept you when you are ready to tell them. You will be able to when you're ready and be much happier with yourself (*hug*)
Niko: I'm 14. I know this is like the perfect time to start, and I really wish I could, but I really don't know how my parents would react. They've made a few transphobic comments so im scared that they won't accept it. I kinda feel like I would end up disappointing them, and I don't want to do that. J Snow: Thanks <3 Do you have any coming out advice?
I understand completely how you feel about coming out to people you know will accept you-- it still doesn't make it any easier. Dysphoria also sucks a lot, lol. I'm bigender so transitioning isn't something I can really do, so I have to find alternative means to deal with it. It's a real process to work up the courage to come out, but it doesn't have to happen all at once! Did you say that you're not out to anyone at all about this yet?
High school sounds like an extremely difficult place to be MtF, but one thing I've noticed: confidence is king. I like being sort of cute and feminine sometimes, but always find myself being careful, acting more gruff/manly when in the presence of people like that, such as where I work. However, we had a gay guy work there for a little while, and let me tell you-- this guy was a total queen. Skinny jeans, sassy walk and all, proud of every bit. He was a hit with the girls, and not a single person in there tried putting him down for it either, including the gangster-acting big guys in the kitchen. It doesn't matter if you're a macho man or a female in a man's body. If you accept yourself, others have no choice but to do the same.
