I always feel gross. When I come out to people and I see the disgust on their face I feel gross. When I think about girls it feels amazing but a little bit gross. I worry when I finally have sex with a girl I'll feel ashamed and gross. My therapist said I might struggle with internalized homophobia. I come from a christian background that told me you will always have shame if you have sex outside of marriage. Will I ever be with a girl and the act feel pure and right? Does this horrible feeling ever go away?
It takes time, but it does go away. Although my family was not religious, I went to church on my own. I had these ideas planted into my head as well. I thought that being gay was wrong. I thought that having sex outside of marriage was wrong. I thought that everybody would hate me because of it. Well, I had some people that decided that they wanted nothing to do with me anymore. Most people were totally cool with me being gay. I'm not sure of your current religious status, but you may want to think about how your beliefs have influenced these feelings (Of having sex outside of marriage). I found that for me, in order to be happy, I had to change some of my beliefs. This was not an easy process for me to realize, and I have just recently come to terms with it.
It will go away. Like you, I grew up in a Christian background. I also attended a Christian school. Between my upbringing, the cues I picked up from society, and my own self-denial I built up quite a dislike and disgust for myself. I am slowly starting to work through it. As thecat mentioned above, you may have to adjust some of your beliefs in order to be happy. In closing, it will go away. You have nothing to be ashamed of though. As for people who express disgust when you come out to them I'll quote Dr. Suess "those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." Some people may take time to become more comfortable and others may never come around, but you should try not to let their opinion of you dictate your own. You are being true to yourself and your sexual orientation does not change who you are. You are the same Asari (since I don't know you real name )as before.
I didn't grow up in a religious background at all but I also have the same issue! I get your feels girl!
Thanks for the advice. I have a more excepting view of my faith now but I still struggle with the wounds my past upbringing gave me. I feel this song is very appropriate for this thread. How come I didn't think of this! This is my new theme song: Spooky Hell Dream
