I'm sure this site is saturated with "is he gay/does he like me" threads so I'm hesitant to start another. In fact this is kind of a continuation of a thread i started some time ago. I probably couls have rehashed the old thread but a short synopsis should suffice as much has happened since then and i find myself sort of lost. Long story short, the guy in question is a coworker, actually my bosses son, and we had only seen each other at work until quite recently. It was, and still is, obvious that he really likes me on some level. He talks my ear off when we are together. He is more touchy feely than any straight guy I've ever known(I'm out to him). There's this sort of weird eye contact thing between us(hard to explain). And he never(I mean NEVER) talks about girls he likes/ thinks are attractive. I know none of this is really indicative one way or the other, and I guess that's why I didn't bother continuing the same thread. I received a lot of good advice and would like to think I took most of it to heart, except maybe one person who told me not to fall in love with this guy. I reciprocated the overly friendliness, I made sure he knew I was gay, and I told him that I had a crush on him(that last part I decided to do on my own). Here is where a new chapter begins and I find myself even more confused... So after reaffirming to him that I'm gay, and getting a response of "yeah I knew that" I decided to open up about my feelings. His response was at first an implication that he is straight(while he never actually said if he was or wasn't), and then defensiveness. Then there was a refusal to talk about it at all. (all this was via text message BTW, probably not the ideal method). Up to that point I had been making an effort to hang out with him outside of work and to get to know him better. My efforts were met with what felt like little interest from his end. After confessing my love for him, and a couple days of awkwardness, the strangest thing happened. He began to contact me outside of work(via text), and started to make an effort to hang out with me. Since then we have been playing halo 4 on xbox live quite frequently, he texts me almost every day, and I even asked him to see a movie with me, which he accepted. And here I am with what I can only describe as a rollercoater of emotions. It probably doesn't help me at all that I'm completely clueless on real life romance. I really have no clue what it's like to be in a real relationship with someone, but something about this friendship seems different to me. We are both somewhat socially awkward and he, too, has never been in a relationship. I can't help but feel kind of special because of all this, and honestly this is the closest thing to a relationship I've ever experienced. I still don't know whether he is gay or not, though I'm not the only person who suspects that he is. I feel like a terrible person thinking that my feelings on our friendship are different than his. I really don't know what to think or do at this point. In some ways I just want to leave my romantic feelings behind, but this is the closest I've ever been to what i would consider love. i'm afraid that I'm leading myself on, and will only serve to hurt myself more in the end. I know the best way to get over my feelings for him is to distance myself from him, though I don't see that as an option because I really am his only close friend. I would rather stay friends with him and torture myself, than to distance myself from him and leave him all alone. This is becoming a very strenuous endeavor and I guess I'm just lost. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
You can probably make this easy on yourself if you can take out the un-needed feelings. If you understand what I mean. Thus far, you two have not done anything physical, and on the out side it seems like it is just two friends going to see a movie. On a mental level, keep it that way, because that is what it is. No need to make it into something that it is not and end up scaring yourself. On a more personal note, it seems like he may like you. However, it is still just a movie between two friends. So don't scare yourself! Enjoy your movie! . See where it goes from there.
idk, I'd ask him where the two of you stand. Don't make it awkward though. "Hey, remember a few {insert time period} ago? when I told you about me being in to you. I don't wanna make it awkward and I wanna be friends either way, but just for my knowledge where do we stand on that?" from what it looks like this guy is pretty understanding. See where it goes, and then jump right off the topic or ask him on an actual date(depending on his answer no and yes respectively)
You are correct, Ryan, in that there has really been nothing physical between us. I like to think it's because of my respect for him, and not knowing his orientation for sure, but it's more likely because of my own insecurities and anxiety issues. It's probably the same for him as he is a rather socially awkward person, and has told me he has rather severe anxiety as well. I've been trying to maintain our friendship as being just friends but it is quite difficult. Like i said he texts me almost everyday and has even called me at random for really no reason. It's really unlike him to do that with anyone, as he has told me he has pushed most of his friends out of his life, essentially secluding himself. Somenights, I think you are correct as well, in that I need to just come out and ask him where we stand. again my own anxiety and insecurities have prevented me from doing so. I have quite a few reasons to question his orientation, and have received some positive reinforcement on the subject from a couple of people that know him. I just think that he needs time to come to terms with who and what he is and that I shouldn't push him at all. I just question how long I can co ntinue this without knowing one way or the other, as I said in the first post, the closer we become the more I know i really love him, and am afraid of hurting myself. As for the movie, I think it went well and we had a good time. He did, however, seem really nervous. He was really fidgety, was twitching his leg for most of the 2 and a half hours. I thought for sure he was going to eat his soda cup after it was empty as he couldn't put it down for more than about 45 seconds. When he wasn't gnawing on his soda cup, he was biting his finger nails. Maybe he is always that way outside of work, but it seemed strange to me because he has normally seemed very comfortable around me. Im probably reading to much into it all, but almost everything about this guy strikes me as odd(most of it in a good way). I know I need to just be open and ask him where we stand. It just sounds so much much easier than I think it is. I've spent much of my life living for other people, while putting my own interests on the back burner. I don't want to seem selfish, but for my own sake I need to have an idea, one way or the other. This whole experience is emotionally draining.
Since you guys have already went to a movie and are somewhat on a more established level now, would you consider seeing if he wants to maybe grab something to eat sometime? Maybe after work(if you have decent hours) and then it won't be as "date like" or even the following day?
I guess this is due for an update. Last weekend I had what I would call a complete emotional breakdown. This confusion with my friend (who from here on out I will call B) was a catalyst, but was in no way the entirety of the cause. Actually waking up to hear that my best friends puppy was hit by a car helped push me into the darkness I felt. Last Friday night, me and B spent the entire night texting each other. (something I dont think straight friends often do) I tried steering the conversation towards something indicative of his romantic interests (something he's never talked about) I didn't get much out of him except an unconvincing comment about boobs. As unconvincing as it was, I still felt crushed. The next day things continued as normal. Woke up to 5 texts from him, (which is quite common when he knows I dont work in the morning) We played video games on xbox before i had to work. That night was much like the previous one, with him texting me all night while he was at work (he works as a bouncer on the weekends at the bar we work at so he has lots of time to kill) Then comes sunday, the day of my meltdown. Like I said I woke up to questions about my best friend kenny's puppy. I hadn't heard anything but another friend had posted something on facebook saying R.I.P. about the dog. Normally I don't get too worked up over pets dying, as i've had many die in my life, but I really felt sad for my friend. This had put me into a dark mindset. Then I start getting texts from B. He was at work and told me he was minutes from an anxiety attack. In my already unstable state I said something I probably shouldn't have. Something along the lines of, "Id hold you in my arms and comfort you if I were there". Yea he didn't seem to like that comment much. from there I spiralled downwards into the darkest depression I've felt in several years. I locked myself in my bedroom and planned on not leaving the rest of the afternoon/ evening. That evening also happened to be the night of our work christmas party. When I didn't show up I started getting texts from B. I simply told him I was too depressed to have much fun and wasn't coming. He seemed somewhat concerned but didn't say much and left me alone. Then I start getting tevts from another friend who i work with saying B really wants you here, he keeps asking about you, he told me to persuade you to come. This kept up for awhile and made me feel terrible. This is when I started crying uncontrollably. I just wanted to not think about B. Well from here my other friend (the only person I've told about my feelings for B) went ahead and explained to B why I was unhappy, and why I wasn't at the party. She pretty much told B that I was depressed because I'm in love with him. From what she said, he immediately got defensive, said something about everyone thinking he's gay, and then seemed sad and quickly left altogether. then he started texting me again. I still didn't want to talk to anyone, but knowing that the cause of my sadness was known to him, I was at least hoping for some closure on the matter, though wouldn't bring it up myself. I played dumb, acting like I had no clue that he knew why i was upset. I just wanted him to say something like "I care about you as a friend, but I'm straight" or something like that. but no, it was like he just blocked out that bit of information and pretended it didn't exist. After an hour or so of him trying to cheer me up I told him I was going to bed, and cried myself to sleep. At this point I know I should just write this guyu off as straight and focus on friendship, but I just can't. I'm still not convinced that he's straight. I really believe that he's in denial and is afraid to face who he really is. I've come to the conclusion that he is in no way ready for a relationship, but I guess I still have this hope for the future. honestly, it's like this never happened. He still has been texting me at random times every day. We played video games and just talked about random stuff on xbox live until 6am friday morning. He seems just as close to me as ever. Now, knowing that I'm in love with him, wouldn't he want to clear things up? Wouldn't a normal straight guy want to be open about what is and isn't possible? It's like he's in denial that I love him. It just serves to confuse me more. I'm sorry if this is all poorly written, It's alot to go through in my mind, and difficult to put into words. I know what would be best for me, and that would be to give up, and look for someone else. It's just that thiere seems to still be a possibility. I care so much about this guy that I feel he is worth waiting for. I'm not really looking for a relatioship, and certainly wasn't when I fell in love with B. Honestly, as it is, this is the closest experience to a real relationship that I've had, In so many ways I feel like I have a boyfriend, just without the physical aspect. Im not a very sexual person at all, and that is not at all my drive with B. I do, however, long for physical closeness and intimacy. I want nothing more in the world, than to hold him in my arms and just feel content. On an emotional level there is certainly a connection between me and him. I just want to experience the physical closeness i crave. I guess i keep forgetting what it was like when I was younger. He is like 6 years younger than me. I didn't come out fully until i was like 22, and he is only 19 so in some ways i think he just needs time, but I just don;t want to keep stringing myself along for nothing. so for now, I will still be as confused as ever. I apologize again for this nonsense, and will be amazed if anyone actually reads this post in its entirety. It will be even more amazing if anyone has any comments besides "wow, you are crazy" lol. I guess i just needed to write this all sown for my own sake. I completely understand If noone has anything to say because well, this is a fairly nonsensical rant about a problem ive exclusively created myself. Thanks anyways though.
