Yea, their still alive, and they are doing just fine. But the problem isn't in that they are still here, the problem is that they are my great grandparents, and I am gay. They are in their early ninety's and I am their only great grandson. They are extremely loving, and their love for me is almost unbelievable. But they are from a day and age when homosexuality was considered a sickness and I can still hear them both talking about "those poor misguided boys" they see on the tv. It also doesn't help that they are both Godzilla bible thumpers. My question for advice is this: My mom made the suggestion to keep my sexuality on the down loc so as to not change their perception of me to them. She thinks it would be in my best interest to keep them in the dark about it in order to let them go on to the next life with only the best on their minds, not worrieing about the salvation of their great grandson. I agree with her logic, however, I know that I want to live my life the way that I see fit, and I would like to be open about my sexual orientation. Hoping thelat others will see me for who I really am, and hereby bring up more opportunities to meet new people and get involved in the gay community. So long as I can come out with this and word doesn't so.ehow get back to them through social media or by word of mouth, all should be well... Right? What would be the best way of approaching this situation? Any little bit of advice is deeply appreciated.
Similar with my parents, who are close to 90. Seems to me that telling them I'm interested in men, wouldn't be particularly easy for them. I'm very close to them, but our lives don't intersect all that often anymore. We don't live that close by (they are living in a retirement community) and they're not highly mobile (so don't come to my house). Now I suppose if I met the love of my life and wanted to get married next year, then I would want and need to say something.... But for now, and I've thought about it an awful lot, they would be probably the last people I would come out to, if ever. OTOH -- I know they want nothing more than for me to be happy and not be alone. Interestingly enough, in their retirement community, there is at least one openly gay couple, both in their 70's I'd say!
I've decided that given my mother's age (mid-70's) her mental health (OCD/anxiety) and her personality (wooooo, Nellie!) I will not even try to ever come out to her. It simply wouldn't work out well for anyone. In other words, nothing positive would result from it. That being the case, I can more easily handle keeping things to myself until she passes, then re-evaluating where I stand with the rest of my family. I think when it comes to *some* older people (I am not saying all older people) the best way to sustain relationships with them at the end of their lives is to just leave them in blissful ignorance.
don't take this the wrong way, but good lord! do they really know what a TV is or computers 0_0 that is impressive. As far as your question, i'd rather my parents not know, but i'm out to a ton of ppl down here. I have to keep a close watch on instagram and facebook, but that's about it
I'm in a bit of a similar situation. My grandparents aren't in the best health and they look down on the LGBT community so I will not be coming out to them. I don't want them to constantly worry about my salvation for the rest of their lives. If they knew they wouldn't find any peace and they would make sure I won't have any peace either. It is incredibly difficult to get someone to change a view that they've had for over 70 years. I also don't want to make their health issues any worse with my news. I decided that not telling them is in the best interest of everyone involved. But that is my situation. I'm sure your situation is different. If you're sure you want to tell them, have you ever thought about sitting them down and talking gay people?
I am most likely gonna do the same thing with my grandparents. It is the best option right now. Its not gonna stop me from having a relationship or even living with a guy thought. Even if they suspect it they will be too scared to ask. They are already having enough drama with two of their children ending their marriages. So much for their perfect family as my grandpa always thinks his family is perfect. If your grandparents or great grandparents are accepting than great otherwise it probably wouldn't be worth it.
Honestly, I wouldn't tell them, especially if you already know that they are kind of homophobic. I have an 80 year old grandma that I don't plan on telling. Although, I guess it is an entirely different situation if you actually have a boyfriend. Then, you would probably have to tell them if you see them a lot and want to bring your boyfriend to a family event. However, if you don't see them a lot and you don't have a boyfriend I would recommend that you not tell them you're gay.
Even if you do have a partner, that still doesn't mean necessarily telling them anything. My mom never asks about my "friendship" with my actual girlfriend. She acts as though we are only friends with common interests, and shared housing for financial reasons, and I act the same, and everything goes smoothly. Our family version of don't ask, don't tell. I will never know 100% what my mom thinks is going on, I won't ask her, and she won't ask me. I don't really want to know what she thinks, the inside of her head is stabby.
I don't exactly agree that you need to come out if you have a boyfriend. I am gonna date a guy and possibly have a long term relationship with one regardless if I tell my grandparents. Some people who can't handle the truth don't deserve to know the truth. If a guy truly loves you he should understand your situation enough to accept it. I am not saying you should lie at all to your grandparents and say your dating a woman. When it comes to grandparents and not coming out to them I just keeping dating off limits from discussion. Maybe someday I'll change my mind and say hell with it I am telling them but that is my decision at the moment.
I have to agree with dano22. I've never told my grandparents about anyone I've ever dated. It had nothing to do with the fact that I was in a homosexual relationship since I didn't tell them about any of my heterosexual relationships either. As far as I'm concerned, it was none of their business. My grandparents do not need to know about my personal life. Then again, I'm a pretty private person
This may be a bit controversial, but I think it is very likely that the souls of people live on after they are gone. When they leave the body, it seems that people get way more understanding of things and get stuff they didn't get when alive. I actually would have thought this was a load of crap when I was younger, I believed when you died you died and that was it. But due to living through my own surviving death experience (died in a hospital but thankfully was able to come back to and live), and knowing others who have and having seen what can happen after loved ones die, I now believe this to be true from what I have seen. So having said that, it may be a comfort to many to know that if you really care about someone, you can have a relationship with them of sorts when they are gone which is a feeling of a lot of love and comfort when you think hard about them (though you may not obviously be doing things with them anymore). It would seem that these souls or spirits or whatever of the person you loved are still with you and want you to be happy. Maybe mentioning this, even though it sounds weird, will help people to be ok with not telling elderly people because they are just going to be upset and maybe mean to you in their last years, but they will know when they are gone and will likely be ok with it if you are really happy. For those who want to know more about this idea, I have to admit a guilty pleasure is watching Long Island Medium (you can get free episodes on YouTube) - and yeah, even though I would never have thought in a million years I would like a show like that or change my beliefs, I have found it extremely comforting and it really does seems to be true, at least in my own life. It doesn't fit with any religious belief I have, but it's kind of a great feeling to have everything resolved between people after death. From my own experiences with elderly people, I would say tolerate their shortcomings and try to enjoy them as best you can despite them (at least they sound like loving people), and then when they are gone they will know and they will get it. I focus my efforts more on coming out with young people who have a better chance of being around a long time and having many facets to our relationship.
