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I think I might come out

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Greendalehumans, Dec 12, 2012.

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  1. Greendalehumans

    Greendalehumans
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    I've been thinking, and I really do want to come out. Even though I don't want to deal with all the drama and disapproval from my family (also I'm really lazy. I'm really really lazy.) I still want to just be able to be who I am. My family has never been very open and honest with each other. My parents hardly even tell me if someone is sick or something. And I'm always the last to I know.

    Anyways, sorry I got off topic, I want to come out sometime after Christmas. I'm thinking I'll pick a date sometime after Christmas but when I'm still on break (I have a really long break). I guess when I'm still home but my parents are back to work, too.

    Aaaaahhhhrrrgh.

    Ok. So how the heck do I do this? I'm not open with my feelings and neither is my family. I think I may come out to my older sister first. While she's home for the holidays. And then my little sister and my brother. Parents last, right? I don't want to do it all at once.

    How do I do this??
     
    #1 Greendalehumans, Dec 12, 2012
    Last edited: Dec 12, 2012
  2. Zero Zero

    Zero Zero
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    Well I had that problem at first so I came up with a plan to tell my close friends first then went from there. Now, at school I'm openly-open. All my friends know. Basically all the people I know from school know about me being bisexual. Now, in starting to tell family. My two cousins know (one is a guy my age & one is two years younger) and my aunt (there mom) knows as well. So, that's how I did it. I'm not saying its the best thing to do, but I'm not planning on telling my mom or grandparents anytime soon. Heck, in even thinking about just waiting until I move out then they won't bother me about it saying its a sin and everything. So, honestly, just tell people how you want to tell them. That's really all I've got.
    Hope I helped! :slight_smile:
     
    #2 Zero Zero, Dec 12, 2012
  3. Greendalehumans

    Greendalehumans
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    Thanks. I would tell friends and people at school, but... I go to school at my church. I won't next year (hopefully), but for now everyone I know is a Christian and most of them are against homosexuality :/

    But I still want to come out. Why? I have no clue. I'm stupid, I guess :slight_smile:
     
    #3 Greendalehumans, Dec 12, 2012
  4. SomeNights

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    HAHA... more like afraid of admitting what they are! I know for a fact that there are bunch of queer folk that go to one of the christian schools back home.

    personally if i were you, i wouldn't make a HUGE deal out of it. I don't even remember telling my sister...all I remember is all the guys that we've talked about lol!!
     
    #4 SomeNights, Dec 12, 2012
  5. Zero Zero

    Zero Zero
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    Haha :slight_smile: I wanted to tell people too & I actually like telling people (I have no idea why)but, as I said before, my family doesn't know because there homophobic and biphobic and very religious as well. So, just be who you are & don't let anyone try to change you. Who knows, you may tell someone & they could be like "Really? Me too!" Or "Cool! I'm gay/bi!" Haha so…yeah haha :slight_smile: have fun comeing out :slight_smile:
     
    #5 Zero Zero, Dec 12, 2012
  6. Greendalehumans

    Greendalehumans
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    The majority of people at my church ARE really fantastic people and none of the families or people I know actually hates gay people at all. They just think it's a sin. But they really are nice people. Most of them already know that I support gay rights, and no one's said anything rude to me about that. My youth pastor (also a good family friend) just said, "Really? I don't necessarily agree with you, but that's interesting." in a friendly way. So I'm not afraid that people will hate me, really. I actually love my church a lot :slight_smile:

    But still. It's scary to think of coming out to people. I probably won't come out to everyone at church, but just my family. Probably not my extended family so much either. Way less accepting. But I think that if anyone asks me I'll tell them the truth.

    Ack this is nerve wracking :slight_smile:
     
    #6 Greendalehumans, Dec 12, 2012
  7. pinklov3ly

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    You're not stupid at all, you're brave for wanting to come out because it's not an easy thing to do. I think you should do it on Christmas then again, do you really think they will text negatively towards you? If so, then wait until after the holiday. I think your family will be too into the holiday spirit to get upset, but there's always a chance.

    You should tell them like you planned on and it's the perfect timing considering everyone's home for the holiday. If you're asking for ways to come out then, I can help.

    First, bring up an lgbt topic like gay marriage and go from there. I can't say it'll be easy because I was so nervous when I told my sisters. It got quiet for a minute and then they started telling me about how they thought about it/have been with a woman. But they are straight, I'm the only gay person in my family. I told my mom while she was driving and she was surprised; she thought I had watched something on TV that I guess could have influenced me. And I'm was like, ”Okay, I didn't know the stuff they show on TV could make someone gay.” I just came out to my dad this year and I've known since I was 19. It feels great to be out, my parents/sisters/brother/friends have actually met a girl I was dating. I think that's enough of my rambling, I hope everything goes well and good luck :slight_smile:
     
    #7 pinklov3ly, Dec 12, 2012
    Last edited: Dec 12, 2012
  8. SomeNights

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    Really good ebook i just read on my ipad Kinda helped me work through things:
    The God Box: Alex Sanchez: 9781416909002: Amazon.com: Books
     
    #8 SomeNights, Dec 12, 2012
  9. Greendalehumans

    Greendalehumans
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    Thanks :slight_smile:

    I'm planning on telling them over Christmas break, but after Christmas Day. I don't want to stress everyone (including me) out during the holiday. I just want to be able to enjoy it.
    I need to figure out which days I'll tell who. I think it'll help me actually follow through with it if I pick dates for it all lol.
     
    #9 Greendalehumans, Dec 12, 2012
  10. Greendalehumans

    Greendalehumans
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    Okay so I just sent one of my best friends a text asking if I can talk to her about something. Holy crap I think I might come out to her tonight.


    What the heck do I say.


    Also I know that she won't hate me or anything. Her brother is gay and she's the most accepting one in her family.
     
    #10 Greendalehumans, Dec 12, 2012
  11. Zero Zero

    Zero Zero
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    Oh, we'll if you know she's accepting (as you said) & since her brothers gay just come out and say it. :slight_smile: Should be easy and quick enough haha
     
    #11 Zero Zero, Dec 12, 2012
  12. SomeNights

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    "oh and hey...you know how your brother is gay?" ....yeah?.... " well don't tell anyone yet, but I am too"
     
    #12 SomeNights, Dec 12, 2012
  13. Zero Zero

    Zero Zero
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    Exactly! Yeah! Do that! :slight_smile:
     
    #13 Zero Zero, Dec 12, 2012
  14. Greendalehumans

    Greendalehumans
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    She hasn't texted back :/
    I'm afraid that by the time she responds I'll have changed my mind.

    ---------- Post added 12th Dec 2012 at 09:58 PM ----------
    That's a good idea! We actually had a whole discussion about gay people a few days ago. I'll just bring that up to start with, maybe.

    I almost came out to her then, but the timing just wasn't right.

    Also I'm a scaredy cat.

    ---------- Post added 12th Dec 2012 at 10:03 PM ----------

    She texted back. I don't think I can even check the message.

    Maybe I shouldn't come out yet? I just want it to be over with D:
     
    #14 Greendalehumans, Dec 12, 2012
  15. Zero Zero

    Zero Zero
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    I was a scardy cat like that when I was first coming out so what I did was crack a whole lot of jokes and stuff & be my "normal" spaz self (yes…I can be such a weird obnoxious person outside the web) and then I got serious and said "We'll…I gotta tell you something" then me came out. So just…clear your mind and come out
     
    #15 Zero Zero, Dec 12, 2012
  16. Greendalehumans

    Greendalehumans
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    I'm so scared. I'm about to do it. God, help me.

    ---------- Post added 12th Dec 2012 at 10:17 PM ----------

    Wow. I am desperate. I'm redirecting the convo to self harm, whic she already knows about.

    ---------- Post added 12th Dec 2012 at 10:19 PM ----------

    I told her. I said "I'm gay."

    Waiting for a response.
     
    #16 Greendalehumans, Dec 12, 2012
  17. Zero Zero

    Zero Zero
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    OMG! I'm so excited for you! :slight_smile:
     
    #17 Zero Zero, Dec 12, 2012
  18. Greendalehumans

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    I'll post the conversation! It's still going on, so I'll add to it as I get them.

    Me: Alright well. I'm not sure how to actually say it

    Her: What?

    Me: I need to tell you something. I've only ever told one person (Jane) and I really need you to not freak out.

    Her: Is this about what you told me in the beginning of the year?

    Me: Not really

    Her: Ok

    Me: I'm actually doing pretty well with that. I haven't done anything in weeks

    Me: Ok. I'm gay.

    Her: Honestly, I'm not actually sure how to respond. I'm not freaking out. I'm just surprised.

    Me: Ok. I don't really know what else to say

    Her: How long have you known this?

    Me: A long time. I realized I wasn't straight in middle school, though. I tried to be for a while after that.

    Her: Ok. Because you've told me of guys you liked before.
    Her: Are you gonna tell anyone else soon? Don't worry I absolutely promise I won't.

    Me: Yeah, I know. You mean Peter, right? I sort of "decided" to like him :/ I'd realized it had been a while since I'd liked a guy.
    I'll probably tell Livi soon. I might come out to my mom after Christmas. I don't know, though. You have no idea how big a deal coming out to you is right now. Thanks for not freaking out

    Her: I think that telling Livi first is a good idea. I know it must be a big deal for you and it means a lot that you trust me so much.

    Me: Your basically my best friend :slight_smile: I'm so glad I've told you

    Her: Well you know I'm always here for you. :slight_smile:


    And now we're back to sending emojis back and forth :grin:
     
    #18 Greendalehumans, Dec 12, 2012
  19. Zero Zero

    Zero Zero
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    Aww :slight_smile: sounds like you must be really happy haha
     
    #19 Zero Zero, Dec 12, 2012
  20. Greendalehumans

    Greendalehumans
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    I am a bit but I don't think it's set in yet :slight_smile: ill probably be freaking out tomorrow.
    The other friend I told a while ago isn't someone I see often at all anymore. I see this person at least every Sunday. We're also in the same care group and youth group. It's a bigger deal
     
    #20 Greendalehumans, Dec 12, 2012
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