Help me understand this I simply can't do it on my own

Before I start this I need to say that I needed to get this off of my chest or it was going to push me over the edge. My problem is my sexuality it confuses the crap out of me. I have for the longest time identified as gay and all of a sudden I'm not so sure and it terrifies me. It started with my questioning my gender identity. I've always known I had something of an irrational hatred of being male. I never liked being called boy and I hated it when people would give me the whole when you become a man speech I remember always thinking "But I don't wanna be a man," even when I was a little kid I thought that way. I started to question if maybe I was transgendered but I soon discovered I didn't want to be a women either. Than I discovered genderqueer and all the pretty little labels that fall under that particular umbrella term. I at first thought maybe I was Bi-Gendered but I soon discovered I didn't want to be either and felt no particular need to make corrections I was extremely happy in my generally androgynous look where I am just as often mistaken for a girl as I am for a guy. So I settled on Androgyne and it feels right. However soon after I had opened up that can of worms I started paying more attention to myself. And I noticed some troubling things. Has anyone ever read one of those "How to tell if he's interested in you" articles. I have and I noticed that whenever I do that behavior it's never in regards to men. I know from experience that I am not sexually attracted to women at all and I very much enjoy being in bed with a another man (I'm kind of a slut). However all of that unconscious behavior is always aimed at females even though I'm not particularly attracted to them. However I have noticed I'm always staring at the more pretty females. The feelings I get since I have thought about them seem to be really strong feelings of Jealousy, anger, slight revulsion (In the case of those dressed more revealingly), and hurt. But I don't hate them I have a lot of female friends so this really confuses me. There is also the fact I can't stop staring. I have tried to find out if I actually am attracted to them and I even almost had sex with one and I can honestly say I am definitely not attracted to them. I'm also finding that I never do these things to a guy even when I am definitely attracted to him. Also I am never surprised by sexual attraction simply because unless I am specifically looking to see if I am attracted to anyone in my immediate vicinity I never feel that way. However once I do notice it I don't forget it and still feel that way I just can't make myself act that way and it comes out looking forced. I have also noticed the few times I do try to seriously pursue a romantic relationship with a man he is either A)Emotionally unavailable B)Taken or C)Straight. So my question is what the heck is wrong with me and has anyone else ever gone through this. Please help this confusion is messing with my daily life and the people who know and care about me are starting to get worried. :help: :bang: :icon_sad:

 

I am 19 going on 20