Something I wrote a while ago, and when I'm feeling kinda down about life I read it over again. I wrote it 3 years ago, but figured I'd share with all of you. It seems that life seems to grab you by the throat at times, so tightly that you can't even get a grip on anything. That reality and fantasy seem to pass by as one as you try to find your place in the world. Where is this line anyway? This place in life that I'm supposed to be at. My feet haven't even touched the ground yet, and I'm trying to find a place to plant my roots in. Crazy isn't it, that you have these amazing dreams of what you are going to be, and what you are going to do in life while you were younger. Then as soon as you get out of that naivety you realize what is in store for you for the rest of your life. I'm not going to say what it is, you know what is in store for your own life, you've thought about it yourself. We've all had dreams of what life is to be and what your future holds for yourself. But sometimes it doesn't even matter, does it? We are all fertilizer in the end aren't we? So what makes us want to keep continuing, to keep pushing ourselves forward. Is it that notch in the road, the little ripple in the pond so that you aren't forgotten in 2 generations? Is that what makes us tick, a hope? a dream? an indescribable presence that we can leave in life? Do you want to be a martyr? Is that what we want to be remembered for something great? Or to be lashed down in flaming glory, screaming your name out to the world so that you aren't forgotten? What is it that makes you want to reach the end of your rope in 20, 30, 40 plus years? Happiness? Love? Self Gratification? Whatever it is, I want to find it, I want to know it, I want to feel it! Maybe we'll never figure out why we keep getting up day after day after day. Why we walk the same path, drive the same way, eat, drink, sleep the same way we do, and will do for the rest of our lives. Maybe it's the point in our life that we find true happiness, the true meaning of living that we finally die. That since we've found this thing we've been looking for all our lives, the hope that there is something to live for, that right there at that moment, you have finally reached your destination and don't have any reason to keep going anymore. Maybe that's when we die. I don't care about ripples in ponds, notches in life. I know the people in my life who want to remember me will, if I achieved something in life that if it really was important that the memory of it will never die. So I guess I'll stop trying to find this reason for life, to live and just live my life. Take things everyday one day at a time. And never forget to breathe. Lots of love; Zen
