Why do we have to come out?

You are 100% Right!! When I "come out" I think I'm just going to bring someone home and be HI Mom this is my boyfriend.

 

We don't. That's where I'm at and I won't come out to someone unless there is a reason. Kinda why I don't really care about the whole "gay marriage" thing. Who I love is my person business and that's some title for other people.

As far as my parents are concerned...I've left them enough hits if they can't figure it out that's their problem not mine, but at the same time when i find Mr(s). right, I'll make it VERY known to my parents.

 

good for you! go with waht you belive in, and you will be happy despite the haters! :')

 

I know. I wish I could invite a girl to dinner with the family like my sisters invite their guys to dinner. :/

 

Haha that's epic! I guess for some people with maybe unaccepting/difficult parents that they feel it's necessary to come out in order to prevent a scene with their parents if they just bring someone home. Personally I'm not gonna come out as trans to my mom (although I have to a few friends), I'm just gonna do my own thing and see what happens.

 

You certainly do not have to "come out". A truly knowledgeable person who cares about you will see nothing of it besides the fact that you have one difference, which is honestly more common than most people think. You are under no obligation to make an announcement.

Those who do not accept you are simply blinded by their own naive ideals and are not worth anybody's time.

 

Awesome! XD I would so do that... if I had the courage. ^_^' But I'm glad you feel this way. It's great that you don't have any second thoughts about it.

 

Right on. That's what I'm doing.

 

You better have one cool fucking mom if you do that lol. I mean, I think my mom would have been ok with it. The first question I usually get is whether or not I have a boyfriend when I tell people anyway. I think coming out is always going to be a big deal. Unless you're man or woman enough to tell your parents how you feel right off the bat, with that being said, there's so many developmental years before you're thinking about sex period. And when you DO begin to think about it, I think there's a period of time where you're too young to really identify with your sexuality other than to embrace the normal role until you're sure. I don't see anything wrong with it. It's the day where you stop bullshitting with yourself and finally reach out to someone. All that burdensome pressure on you is bad for your health. And it's the wrong idea to feel like you can just roll into the house with a same sex partner with no previous discussion. It's just not courteous in these times. At best, I think same sex marriage is getting better, and in my wildest dreams I could see it being similar to bringing a black guy home if you're white and southern. lol... Your parents are too afraid of the consequences of stating the obvious that they just let it be. But that's fear of a repercussion that may or may not exist. Other than disappointing your kids if you've raised them to appreciate everyone. Why put them in that situation though? Just be open as I would with my mother and say, "hey, this guy is white" I would do it to be forthcoming. Not that it changes my perception of the person I bring home, I just want to make everyone feel like they know what's going on, if that makes sense. And as sure as my mother knows my sense of humor, she'll know he's probably a wicked funny guy and can be extremely sweet and would blend in if I care enough to bring him home. Do your part with being forth coming and they'll do their part by being a good host. Granted, I do think being gay is a little more powerful than skin color in the south. Just making the analogy. The shit that goes through your parents' heads when you tell them you're gay.. Let me just say you should give them the appropriate time to digest that before bringing someone home. For some, it's fine because they are in tune with their kids and knew. For other parents that have been TRYING to be in tune with their kid and you've been blocking them out, to learn of it can be a catastrophic event and mixture of emotions. Their happy you told them now, sad that you didn't feel you could tell them before, happy you'll be happy, sad there will be no grandchildren. Worried that you'll catch a disease, worried that you'll be alienated or bullied..it's just fucked up. lol. So give them time as you did yourself for the first.. i don't know 20 years plus you gave yourself to digest it.

 

I understand what you're saying,but I feel that if I want to be treated as an equal I also have to act as an equal, and straight don't have mom I have something to tell you. lol


And if she does have a problem with that it will be her problem not mine. lol

 

OP, that was beautiful. Love should know no genders.

The problem with this opinion though is a pair of Latin words that goes like this: status quo. Because anything other than hetero relationships does not lead to reproduction in its normal sense (and most people don't relate to it), it's viewed as "alternative", or even "sinful". Most don't even consider its possibility, and while acceptance has gotten exponentially better in the past decade or so, It just rubs people the wrong way.

Someday, though, it won't even be a thing. I think it is too much to hope for that labels will go away entirely and you just love who you love, but someday, any orientation will be completely unremarkable, and it'll be magnificent.

 

No one has to come out. But if you don't, people will probably assume you're straight until they find out you're dating someone of the same sex. If you're okay with that, then you don't need to come out. If you'd rather they know the truth, then coming out is a necessity.

 

I think the OP's point was that despite the fact that straight is the majority, orientation shouldn't be viewed as a fact "kept secret until deciding to courageously reveal it" so much as "just a part of me I haven't yet mentioned." It's the undue "weight" put upon telling people that is out of place.

 

Actually, what I just quoted from your post is YOUR version of 'coming out'. Some people just 'come out' different than others. Some people are very subtle about it.

Right now I am 'hopelessly closet locked' BUT if I found the 'right person' and I was in love. I wouldn't hide it. I would bring him to family gatherings, parties, etc and I would introduce him as my boyfriend.

It doesn't have to be a big deal. It just has to be whatever you feel comfortable with.

 

Huh...yeah, It can really be that simple. I've been so consumed abouth the big coming out step, that I've forgotten to just be me. At my age, the stress and concern I'm putting myself through....to use your words....is out of place. Also, love the line, "just a part of me I haven't mentioned yet." It really put things in perspective for me.

 

I think it's because society expects us to be straight, so we have to actively change people's automatic views that we are straight, because we're not. It's annoying and another reason why I hate society.

Luckily for me, coming out was quite straight forwards. I told my friends I was pansexual and they thought it was cool. My best friend was like "yay now I get to have a gay best friend!" As a joke, so they were all fine with it. My mum was fine too, she was proud that I had told her. I am lucky to live in a very open minded area of the UK (in fact we're sort of the gay capital of the UK haha) but it must be horrible for people who don't live in such a place.

 

It would be nice to have the world look at everyone as a blank canvas where there's no pre assumed status', but really that's just not how it is. A good portion of the world is straight, and since orientation isn't exactly something like eye colour that is in plain view all the time, most people will just assume you to be part of the majority.

As for not caring about gay marriage, its good to not care about having the label so much, but it really is about having equal rights. With marriage comes many benefits financially. Think of it this way: there's a straight couple, legally married, and a gay couple, not married, its illegal. One of each couple fall's seriously ill. The married couple are okay, since the sick one is under the benefits of the other. The gay couple on the other hand, can't afford treatment under their own benefits. Does that really seem fair?