Hi All, I am 26, goodish job and getting on with life. Normal sort of life I have never had a girlfriend or a boyfriend. Through school I always thought I was straight and always liked the look of girls and imagined settling down with one but after school my views started to change towards the same sex and I started to find some of my male friends attractive. Over the past ten years my thoughts have progressively built up to the point I am satisfied I am probably gay. I have never told anyone that I am gay, I would imagine they can put the pieces together and go for age + never had a girlfriend = probably gay but I have flat out denied it when asked. Why? Work - I have lied all of my colleagues for years and told them I was straight. I have contemplated getting another job purely so I could start a new job and just introduce myself as gay from the start. I work in a particularly hetro environment. Family - I am the last person to keep the family name, so there was pressure on me to get married and have children so I could keep the family name going. I don't think my parents are outwardly homophobic but they would be dissapointed without a doubt. Friends - Pretty much all of them would not be able to contemplate having a gay friend, indeed one said that he would not be able to deal with knowing someone who was gay. Even in their mid 20's they still use childish 'thats gay' type comments on facebook. Personally I would live without some of them but it is a large group and I can't pick and choose. Other - Over the past ten years I have let myself go a bit and put on a fair bit of weight. Even if I went 'on the scene' I don't see myself finding anyone that would find me attractive. I am a bit of a nerd so the chances of finding someone gay, my age, my area, my interests and finds me good looking is going to be another thing entirely. If I come out I see myself being talked about at work (or worse), my family struggling to cope and my friends cutting me off. Not a recipe for a happy time in life and could end up being worse than just spending life in the closet. Over the past few days I have contemplated telling my one female (fag hag type - she would be the first to admit that) friend I am gay, I would guess she knows that I am (she asked me years ago and I denied it :bang and I think she would be supportive but I can't pluck up the courage to tell her face to face. I have written out some messages I could send her but I have things running through my mind, what happens if she tells someone else drunk? someone else views the messages? uses it as some sort of blackmail? I guess what I am asking is is it worth telling one person or should I just say silent? Does it get easier when one person knows or is it just not worth the bother. I don't forsee a time when I could tell my friends but not tell my family, it is a small town I live in and word would get back to my family if my friends knew. If I told work I may just aswell put an advert in the local paper. Thanks for listening all.
