1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Need to vent

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by pirateninja, Feb 20, 2008.

  1. pirateninja

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2007
    Messages:
    579
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Bath, England
    ... or else I swear I'm just going to keep bottling this up and go off on a rage... again.

    Ever feel like no matter how hard you try at anything it just comes round and slaps you in the fucking face, as if to say "There was no point putting in the effort in the first place, you sack of shit!" I am, of course, talking about my continuous failures at finding a job. I do a damn CV, I go round to umpteen different places with my CV and an application letter, and how many responses do I get?

    One.

    I get one response that says "We won't hire you, but we'll keep your letters on file." All the others? Nothing. Not even a "Sorry, but we're not going to hire you". Even some after a few months of writing to them. It's just rude, and very demoralising.

    Truth is, it's very hard to get a job when you're juggling your A levels as well. You may ask, "Why not get a job with your friends?" My friends don't have jobs. They don't NEED jobs; their parents just pay for a load of driving lessons and a fucking car. Then they have a nerve to complain about just how crap their life is. "Oh, my parents are together, I'm straight and in a really good relationship, my parents are willing to pay for every little thing for me, but my life sucks more than yours." Thanks, I really needed to hear that. :tantrum: This is why I rarely reveal my problems to them.

    I should tell people though, and I am getting better at sharing stuff with people, but sometimes I just feel like a burden, like someone who just drags down on other people's happiness. It's the last thing my parents need; for one thing, my dad's trying to sell his house and my mom's had a load of trouble with theivery, and claiming a load of stuff off insurance. Not to mention my incredibly insane sister, who causes trouble at every oppurtunity and has successfully broken my mother's heart with remarks that "she wants to live with dad". It is difficult to move from house to house constantly, but it's not fair to just say to one parent "I don't want to live with you anymore". I have to be the non-troublesome kid, I have to be the one that succeeds, but that just doesn't seem to be happening; not regarding work, not regarding school. And it really just pisses me off.

    And the last thing I need is to see or hear "God hates fags", "You're going to hell", "You're not gay, just confused." But they're everywhere; on Youtube, on Myspace, on nearly every forum I'm signed up to there's at least one. And upon the street, some chavs had the nerve to ask me "to stay away from him and keep my fag germs to myself". Thanks for that.

    It's horrible, it's stuff like this that makes me think "I can't talk about this to my family it's uncomfortable/embarrassing for them and me." And I try really hard. My mom even said to me "You're very secretive", so I try inviting them to gay themed stuff, try talking to them about how I feel. My mom? Fine. My dad? Can't even bring himself to say gay. My sister? "I don't want to get involved, my friends'll think I'm queer."

    Gah. I know, I'm no angel. I know, what you reap is what you sow, and attitude helps everything, but I'm honestly finding it hard to even get up in the morning. I can't seem to cope.

    Sorry if you've just read the whole damn thing. But I need to get this out, if I keep this all in I just let it all out at once. And the last time I did that, I got into one hell of a physical fight with my sister, and cut her fucking lip open.
     
  2. biisme

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2007
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Rhode Island
    Well, I'm glad you're venting her instead of letting it all go at once.

    Jobs can be very frustrating. I applied to about 15 places this September, and all I got was a "no" from Target. I didn't even get hired/answered from McDonalds.

    Sometimes it is hard for friends to understand what you're going through. It is easy to get wrapped up in your own life and forget about the people around you. They may not understand that what you really need is for someone to just LISTEN.

    As for being the kid that "succeeds", I know what you mean. My brother and sister both have problems and I need to be the "normal" one. Parents don't realize the pressure they out on their kids, and it's even worse when a parent is disappointed in one, because the other one will try to make up for it. The only thing I can tell you, that I say a lot, is that you need to live and do stuff for yourself, and not try to be who other people want you to be.

    You are sure of who you are, and some people have problems with it. They're assholes, or they're ignorant. Try not to let them bring you down, because you're an amazing person and you don't deserve it. Just think of everything they'll miss being close-minded.

    You should tell the person on your street that you don't want them near you because "they may have straight germs and you don't want to turn into a narrow-minded asshole." Or maybe you should just think that when you see them...

    When you get up in the morning, think about something nice you're going to do for youself...like:
    buy a book, or treat yourself to a cookie, or something nice.

    I hope everything starts getting better. If you ever need to talk you can PM me.

    (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*)
     
  3. Bader

    Bader Guest

    I really hope things get better *hugs really really really really hard*
     
    #3 Bader, Feb 20, 2008
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 20, 2008
  4. beckyg

    beckyg Guest

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2007
    Messages:
    6,656
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    Middle of Oregon
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    pirateninja.... you are one of my most favorite people here! It saddens me that you are feeling this way. First off, just keep plugging away looking for a job. It will happen. You just need to be persistent. My kids grew up having jobs, bought their own cars and all that. They grew up to appreciate what they have unlike some of their friends who had it handed to them on a silver platter. You can do this and get good grades!

    Don't let insensitve judgmental people get to you. You know in your heart what kind of person you are. It is not for them to judge you. It's also not your place to make everyone around you happy. Sometimes you just have to find happiness yourself and then the people around you follow suit.

    You are such a good kid with a great personality and sense of humor. Just be yourself and be happy. Quit trying to please others because the only person you can make happy is yourself. (*hug*)
     
  5. Jim1454

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2007
    Messages:
    7,284
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Toronto
    :roflmao:

    I'm really sorry that things aren't working out for you... I have to admit that both the jobs that I got when I was younger was through 'connections'. And those were strictly summer jobs - I didn't work during school until I was in 4th year university! And even then it was just one or two evenings a week.

    Your friends may not have jobs, but what about their parents? If you put the word out that you'd like a part time job maybe one of them will know of something. Or teachers? They all have spouses and friends... Networking (as corny as it sometimes is) can be critical in finding a job.

    Have someone critique your CV as well. Someone that isn't looking to hire you, but has some experience with hiring people. They might be able to point out things that are (for some reason) turning off potential employers.

    Don't hesitate to rant here. You're certainly not guilty of doing more than your share of it - so feel free once in a while. If only to save your sister's face! :icon_wink
     
  6. panda

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2007
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Toronto,Canada
    Holly, I echo what Biisme and Becky said. You are one of the most refreshing and spontaneous lights on EC. I admire you for your job hunting. I'm at the stage of thinking about looking for work. I'm frightened of those rejections. Keep on plugging.
    I'm a big fan of deep breathing,listening to the breath,feeling the perfection that dwells within. You are terrific. Believe it.
     
  7. pirateninja

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2007
    Messages:
    579
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Bath, England
    Thanks for the replies, guys. But unfortunately, I'm feeling (once again) very hacked off at myself.

    20/60 on a Psychology exam.

    41/90 on a Latin exam.

    I had another Latin exam today and honestly know I've failed that.

    I had another Psychology exam today and I don't know how I've done on that.

    And I haven't had any English results back.

    It's not as if I haven't revised, but I just keep on failing. I guess there's some consolation that these are only mock exams.
     
  8. Bader

    Bader Guest

    I know exam results can beat you up ,i know ive been there ALOT, you must be feeling really bad, DONT ! just think about your next exam ,this is just another page in the book .
    Don't think much about it ,just think of your next exams and de-stress!
    exams can be VERY stressful, they make you feeling like you gona EXPLODE
    but the sun will shine again I PROMISE *HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*
     
  9. Zec24

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2007
    Messages:
    396
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'm sorry things are tough right now. I never had to apply for jobs in High School. I just babysat kids and refereed soccer matches (I just had to pass the ref exam). When I graduate from university in a few months I already have a job waiting for me (the US Army and they don't turn people down these days), so I guess I've had it easy in that respect.

    As to failing exams, well I've failed my fair share of exams in the past 4 years of university. I understand it gets you down. Just keep working and revising. Is there anyone else you know who can sit down and help you revise? I know I hate studying alone and I'm much more a visual learner. Good luck with your exams. Just try to relax and get enough sleep. Being stressed out, angry, and tired are not good combinations for good test-taking.

    Maybe take a break from studying for a while and get out and do something you enjoy for a day, then hit the books again? Just take it one day at a time and try not to get too frustrated. And definitely don't feel bad about coming here to vent, that's what this place is for.