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Im in love with my best friend....

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Tackle96, Dec 13, 2012.

  1. Tackle96

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    this is gonna be long so thanks ahead of time for reading.

    Hey, new to this stuff so here goes. I have been best friends with my bud (lets call him Jack) for about 5 years. I met him when I switched schools and joined the football program at the school. I was extremely nervous and had never played football and was pretty unathletic in general. He played the same position as me and quickly became my best friend on the team. We were both pretty chubby back then haha its funny looking back on it. sorry off topic. well throughout the 5 years we have been best friends...We have both changed tremendously. our physical appearances changed and so did our social status. I hate sounding cocky but I quickly shot up to popular status at the school. I dated the most popular girl in the grade and was pretty happy. But never did I ditch my best friend. He was always a bud and nothing changed between us. I may have denied being best friends with him a couple times but looking back on that. I feel like I should have slapped myself in the face. well fastforward. we are both highschool sophomores. both of us has grown out of our chubby appearances and turned out pretty good. our bodies shaped and beaten from year round football. I thinned out a year or 2 before him but about 6 months ago he really started to lean up and bulk on muscle. Ok so here goes. He has always been my best bud, but now Im feeling strange about him...I think about him and I tell myself that I want to be with him. I am confused even typing this. I always remember never finding him attractive but now...He just is...I dont know how to explain it. well I want him more than best friends. BUT I am not out. I have had girlfriends on and off for the duration of our friendship and am in no way, feminine. I love football, video games, guy stuff. I dont act remotely gay and people would never assume I am. but just recently about a month or 2 ago I came to terms with myself and said....stop living a lie. so I came out to my immediate family. response was great. but now that I have accepted who I am....I want him too. and I of all people am not one to fall..........in love. and I would never with someone I knew I didnt have a chance with. but recently my best friend has been acting differently towards me and looking back, there may have been signs. this season for football me and him were starting players on our team. we had a reputation for tag teaming the other team and leaving destruction in our paths haha. we were a team. but one day at practice I felt sick and weak. I blew it off knowing I would get an earful from the coach if I whined about feeling sick. so I didnt do anything about it...until I passed out. long story short I have a medical condition that made life very hard for me. I had to quit football mid season, I had to stop going to school, my social life had been hurting due to underlying depression but now it was nearly non existent. But who is the one person to routinely check in on me? my best friend. He calls me and says "im coming over" and when he does he has get well balloons and special teas and herbs and things his mom said would help me. He has always been one to care how Ive been feeling and looking at it now. He is f****** amazing. well lets speed this up. so I have feelings for the kid now. and I start jokingly being gay and flirty with him. being known to have girlfriends and being very straight acting it was pretty safe. well he played along and long story short we exchanged pictures of our......(I think you get it) it started out with me joking about me being bigger in size then him. he challenged me and (this kinda weirded me out) but he said. nipple first, so we sent pics of our nipple, then he said now both, so we sent shirtless pics to eachother, we compared abs, back muscles, yeah. so I cut to the chase and jokingly said, and pardon my language. dick or gtfo ;D. well there was a lil silence from him as I didnt get a response and then my phone buzzed. when i opened the text....it was his dick. I flipped out. I didnt know what to do. so I sent one in response. he immediately texted me saying "we need to hang out". i was still on a rush from the pic so I said hell yes. so the next day he comes over and Im thinking....are we gonna do something? well the day came and went. He made many attempts to wrestle me, but being the idiot I am. I avoided the scenario. so the day went by. it is now 2 days later. we have been texting much more frequently and I want him bad....I dont know what to do. I dont want to blow my cover just to realize he doesnt feel the same way. but I also cant live like this. being so close to him yet never being close enough.... I am so sorry this post is so long and there is still soooo much more to say. but before I go I need to add, I have severe anxiety and depression. which everyone at my school has no idea about. well the past week I have been at an all time low. sorta wishing it would end (if ya know what I mean) and the thought of him is bitter sweet. it makes me extremely happy thinking we could be...but then I slink back down realizing it is most likely not happening....thanks for reading. your input and experience is welcomed...I just need to know. I dont know how much longer I can live in sadness.
     
  2. geraldo

    geraldo Guest

    "sent me pic of dick and subsequently said we need to hang out more".

    Doesn't appear stereo-typically heterosexual in my opinion...

    Sounds very promising
     
  3. nostreborem

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    i agree
     
  4. TeePee

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    i would say give him more signs and see if the reciprosity continues but i should say, your chances are really good. I had a similar situation and we ended up having an awesome relationship!
     
  5. robclem21

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    I would say put yourself in the same position you did the first time where he wants to hang out with you feeling "playful", and then just go with the flow and let him make all the moves. That should tell you all you need to know.

    However, if it doesn't go exactly how you planned, it doesn't necessarily mean anything and you could still be comfortable telling him. On the other hand, once you send pics of your dick, then it could get awkward if hes not supportive.

    Through everything else, sounds like you shouldn't have a problem telling him about you. Whether or not he returns those feelings is up in the air. I am not convinced, but you won't know for sure until you say something.
     
  6. Pat

    Pat
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    Lol No one call tell you he's gay, he has to do that. There's a period in a straight friendship where it's very similar to how a guy can feel about a girl. It can get frigging weird at times. I know it has for me and I'm the gay one. lol. I think he wants to experiment at least. In this case, I think you should. I don't see how it will harm your friendship to start messing around. You might discover that he wants to be with you. I'll tell you right now, in all my years of messing around with straight guys, not one of them sent me a picture of their dicks. lol. Sooo yeah. That's a pretty big signal of something more, be straight out with it, in person and see what response you get. Or...you don't have to talk, just rub his leg or something. I think he wants to be with you also.
     
  7. Tackle96

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    I geuss I am just deathly afraid of our friendship being ruined. He is like a brother to me. I just want this to work out the way I want :frowning2:. I know that sounds selfish. But why not him....
     
  8. If he's really your friend, then he won't care if you're gay or not. And, if you two talk it over and he is also gay, then maybe you'll have a lot more to talk about. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.