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Brand New...and confused.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by MemyselfandI, Dec 14, 2012.

  1. MemyselfandI

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    Hello! I'm brand new here!

    I've been questioning my sexuality for almost a few years now. In school, I'm in college now, but in primary school, I would always be told I was gay. I never acted like the other guys in my class. Never liked sports or any other guy thing.

    I always liked girls. But never had crushes on them, I'd say they would look cute. But that's it really

    The first guy I really had a crush on was a guy on the football team (we'll make him t) T was very manly and muscular and I was very turned on by him. I would have dreams of us cuddling and hugging, but never having sex. Just intense cuddling sessions with making out. But they used to really turn me on. He caught on I think, even though I never told him, and T hated me afterwards (we were friends at the time these thoughts were happening) and it killed me, I was so lost and depressed and couldn't tell anyone why, because I was too depressed. I got over it eventually. But still I am kinda attracted to T to this day.

    I recently was in a relationship with a girl. For about 11 months. I broke it off because it was just not working. She was a little bit nuts, and that's all I'm going to say about her.

    When I'm walking around on campus and see some guy who is attractive. Ill stop and stare usually. I don't usually want to have sex with them. But more or less I have the urge to hug and kiss and cuddle with them. That goes with any guy I find cute or attractive. But then I usually tell myself not to do it and that I'm attracted to girls

    But, girls don't arouse me....I try really hard, but they don't. When my best friend (who is straight and a guy) says "love you bro" I get attracted to him. But when my ex Would say "I love you", nothing would happen with her. No arousal or anything

    I never ever fantasied about having sex with a guy (or a girl for that matter). I just would picture me being held or cuddled and kissed and hugged by a guy

    So I'm not too sure what this all means. I hope you guys can help me out!
     
    #1 MemyselfandI, Dec 14, 2012
    Last edited: Dec 14, 2012
  2. Argentwing

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    I would say you're on the gay side of things, especially if you only imagine being intimate with guys. It could just be that you're not ready for actual sex acts, which is perfectly fine. I've already accepted my attraction to guys, but it's a daunting thought for me too. Have you imagined having sex with girls either?
     
  3. MemyselfandI

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    Thank for replying. No, I haven't imagined having sex with girls or guys. I don't know. My mind doesn't go there lol.
     
  4. Argentwing

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    My pleasure. :slight_smile: But that's interesting, so it's hard to say. I do hope you realize your fantasy of cuddling with a guy soon, at least for those of us who will never see the day. :S It will definitely be an enlightening experience for you, too.
     
  5. MemyselfandI

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    I hope it does!! But yeah, it seems so nice being wrapped in a muscular guy's arms :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  6. TheDifferent13

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    Hello there!

    From everything that I have seen here on EC, if I compare it to what you say, I'd say you could be homoromantic asexual, meaning that you can see yourself in a romantic relationship only with someone of your own sex and not the opposite, and the asexual part would mean that you just don't really care about sex or don't want to practice it (I haven't talked to anyone who is asexual yet, so someone who is might be able to explain it better to you). It might also be what RSwordsman said, that you just don't want to do it yet, but might grow to start thinking about it and like it later. It's also possible, that your romantic attraction is so much stronger than your sexual one, that the first one just takes over and it's all you think about. You might also want to ask yourself, what gets you turned on a sexual level, since that is basically a sign of your sexuality. If girls do nothing for you down there, and there is some reaction with guys, you are most likely gay.

    But don't take any of this as a rule or some label that you shoud fit in, as this is just a general consideration for people that would like to see where they might fit and find people like themselves, and never let anyone tell you what you are.

    So in the end, it is all on you, what you feel and where you see yourself. Other people can just be there for you to support you and love you for who you are. So here's a hug from me (*hug*) and I hope any of this helped you in any way.
     
    #6 TheDifferent13, Dec 14, 2012
    Last edited: Dec 14, 2012
  7. Gazza123

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    You definitely seem more on the gay side of things but after reading your post it seems like there's something niggling away at you. It maybe doubt or just cause you can't fully accept it or maybe you just don't want to make a definite choice which is fine by the way. Whatever it is I would say to have a long, hard (no pun intended) think about the whole thing.

    If girls do nothing for you then its pretty safe to say your Gay. Your post reminded me of well... Me except the part about being in a relationship because I never was. I always had girl-friends but never girlfriends cause that never interested me.

    I think what some of the other posters said is good. That you maybe so I interested in the ramantic side that its over riding any sexual type thoughts. I'm like this although e I can also picture the sex stuff buts its more like 90% romantic thoughts 10% sexual type thoughts

    I do hope you get that chance with a guy. I can't tell you what it's like, the whole kissing, hugging, cuddling cuz I have yet to experience it myself.
     
  8. MemyselfandI

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    I have two best friends, Both male. I used to have a major crush on the one, (he's straight) before we became friends. When became friends, I still had a crush but it wasn't as bad. But now he's my best friend and here and there I get attracted to him. Hes really attractive... and muscular lol. Its sometimes hard not like putting my arm around him, or feeling his biceps... i do that as a joke, thats how he takes it anyway, but for me its half joking/ half "im really turned on by them". Idk... its very hard sometimes