Hey guys. So I need some advice, but I don't really know where to start. I guess I'll just start writing about my journey and maybe you might have some insight. Just a quick disclaimer: I'm going to delve into my innermost beliefs, so if you're a very religious person, you might not want to read this. Also, if you don't want to read this whole thing, you can also just read the last six (6) paragraphs if you want. Okay, so I guess I'll start with grade 1 and go from there. When I was in grade 1, I went to a public school, and my teacher was crazy, in the paranoid delusions kind of way. She was a miserable person who could tell that I was quite obviously different (though exactly how was certainly not apparent then). She gave my parents tonnes of grief, and I hated her a lot, so we decided to leave at school. My mom is non-religious and my dad is an atheist, but we all decided that the Catholic school system had a better reputation. So for grade 2, I went to a Catholic school. I didn't like it either, but though they were small-minded, it was better than the last one. Before grade 3, one of my mom's work acquaintances recommended a private school nearby. We were ecstatic because the staff seemed really nice when we interviewed them. Little did we know at the time, the teacher I had wreaked of body odour and cigarettes and was somewhat abusive. She hated that I was different, that I was a vegetarian, that I was more feminine than the other boys, etc. She pushed me onto the ground more than once. The principal was even worse, so we left and got all our money back under the threat that we would sue them. In grade 4, I went to a new private school. It was even worse, but that's a whole story for another day. It was at this point that my parents decided to homeschool me, something that I'm very grateful for. Hey, I learned the Pythagorean Theorem a year early! At the end of home schooled grade 7, my parents and I decided that they didn't have the background in chemistry and physics to adequately teach me high school science. We thought the transition to high school would be easier if I went back to regular school the year before. Because the public high school had an awful reputation, I went into the Catholic system again. In grade 8, at risk of sounding arrogant, I was far more knowledgeable and logical than my peers, and also my teachers sometimes. I corrected my geography teacher on more than one occasion, and I was always right - she would then have to admit it and clarify whatever she was talking about. Between my intelligence and being different, I made a lot of enemies with the school's teachers and administrators very quickly. By the end of that year, I couldn't wait to get to high school. It was near the end of grade 8 around prom time that I realized something - I had absolutely no romantic or sexual interest in women. At all. I just saw them as friends. But it was the guys that I was interested in. I didn't have a word for it right then, but this was the moment I figured out that I was gay. In grade 9, I was bullied, and I was bullied badly. Someone who I thought was my friend leaked my number to the whole school, and I often received prank calls that accused me of being a 'faggot', 'fag', 'queer', etc. And then there were the death threats. Those were terrifying, and my parents actually threatened to press charges against someone we knew was involved. That person backed off, but still, the prank calls, derogatory comments in the hallways, etc. just kept on coming. I didn't do well in grade 9, but math class became my sanctuary, where my math teacher and I got along so well and I got to the point where I could actually consider her a friend. In grade 10, things started to get a bit better. The bullying continued, and it was especially bad in my science class, but the teacher promptly dealt with it. When grade 11 rolled around, I started to excel at everything. Everything except religion. But I'll write another paragraph on that. Grade 12 was tough because my religion teacher was a maniac who thought he could shove God's will down all our throats. I did, however, really like chemistry, biology, and calculus. All along this timeline, I developed a major interest in medicine, and I started seriously considering becoming a doctor. So I looked into McMaster's BHSc program, which was the most completive, closest thing to premed that we have in Canada. The admissions stats were awful, with 3500 applications to 280 spots - that's an 8% admission rate. I decided not to apply that year, because the cutoff was 90% and I only had 91%, and I didn't know at the time that higher marks after the cutoff didn't matter. So I went back to high school for one more year. In my fifth high school year, I registered for the whole year but dropped out after half, because I brought my OUAC mark up to 93.5% by then. I applied to BHSc and completed the essay-based supplementary application. It was between the time I applied and the decision that I had a lot of free time on my hands. I started a health promotion organization, which actually has grown quite a lot since then and is currently in the process of federal incorporation (I'm waiting on my letters patent to arrive soon). But I also had a lot of free time to think. And because I have an overactive, analytical mind, I started to ponder what death was. I'm an atheist, and I concluded that the concept of an afterlife is somewhat far-fetched. There are some theories around an afterlife that rely on quantum mechanics equations (maybe I'll discuss that in another post) that I take a little comfort in, but the thought of my own death scared the shit out of me. I'm a firm believer in science. I base everything I do on fact. Now this is the part where my story gets weird, so if you're overly sensitive to morbid subjects, you probably shouldn't read further. Cryonics. Cryonics is the science of vitrification of the human body immediately after death in the hope of one day using nanomedicine to revive and cure the deceased patients. It sounds ridiculous and elaborate, but I assure you, it's all firmly based in reality. For example, a rabbit kidney was successfully vitrified (frozen below -130 degrees Celsius in liquid nitrogen using an M22 solution) and then thawed and transplanted to a rabbit. The transplant showed long-term success, and that's an impressive result. I can't imagine not existing. So I've taken it upon myself to start getting $200,000 together so I can become a member of a not-for-profit cryonics corporation in Arizona called Alcor. I've managed to find a clever way of getting around my extreme fear of death, and I've convinced my closest family members to do the same thing. Coming back from my little tangent there, in April I received an email from McMaster University. I opened it, and my heart just about stopped - I was accepted to BHSc!!! I couldn't have been more excited, I was on top of the world. When I was filling out my incoming student survey (totally anonymous), it asked if I was straight, gay, bisexual, transgendered, or other. It seems like a small thing, but this simple online, anonymous question terrified me. And it wasn't because I didn't want the university to know. It was because I hadn't truly accepted who I was. It took me half an hour to get the courage to click 'gay' and hit the submit button. But that click was one of the most liberating moments I had. I didn't lie about myself for the first time in a long time. I'm here in BHSc now, which we usually just call 'health sci', and it's an awesome community. We actually have quite a few gay people. Hey, I wrote a term paper with a guy who has a boyfriend that he goes everywhere with . I want so desperately to have his life, to be out, to be who I am and feel uninhibited. But I can't get the courage up to start telling people I'm gay instead of beating around the bush when they ask about girls. I'll bet a lot of people already think I'm gay, but I don't know, I just can't do it! I want to tell my parents too. My dad came from a homophobic, racist, toxic family that we no longer stay in touch with. He's totally different, but I can't help but worry that some of that stuff may have imprinted onto him. However, he's a liberal, always has been. He's pro-gay marriage, pro-equality, etc. He told me once when I was young and again a few months ago that he'll always love me and be there for me no matter what, no matter who I am or how I live my life. It's for this reason that I think he'll be okay with me being gay. It'll shock him, but he'll be able to deal with it. I almost am actually starting to think that he already suspects that I'm gay, and the same is pretty much true of my mom. So, I'm a closet case. Anyone have any advice on whether I should come out soon, how I should come out, in what order I should tell people, etc.? Absolutely any advice would be helpful.
Well from what you said it sounds like your parents are pretty open about all that, so that's a step in the right direction. I think if you're pretty comfortable with talking to your parents and they're open about this kind of stuff, then you should go to them first. Yes they're the hardest ones to open up to these kinds of things; but if they accept you, you'll be in the clear and you'll have some support for when things get rough. But, if you don't have the courage to say it in person, like face to face, you can call them over the phone or write them a personal letter.
I think the thing I'm worried about, though, is things getting weird. I don't want anything to change, my parents are my best friends. I don't want any awkwardness... how can I make an effort to make this announcement to my parents not that big of a deal so they don't get too weirded out by it? If done in person, what are some good phrasings?
I think you just really need to emphasize that you're still the person that you always were and that you will never change. Also, tell them that you truly love them and such. If you're really lost for words though, try writing something out first. See how it sounds in your head and then apply some of that when speaking to them.
It sound to me that your dad already suspects something,and you say your mum may also have the same feeling.Are they the type of parents that would have spoken to each other about the possibility of you being gay?Do you think your dads comment a few weeks ago could have been an effort to let you know its ok to come out? I would have thought that if things were going to change in a negative way,you would have started to see it happening by now.If parents think they know something,that they consider to be bad and need addressing,they get more and more up tight and then have to have a dig about it. In your case i think that your parents suspect your gay,but understand that you will come out in your own time.They are just letting you know that they understand,in the best way they can,without asking. As you already asked,but always in my advice,dont make it a big deal and neither will whoever your telling.You dont need to go into detail of your sex life,whos hot etc. Just choose a time when you can speak to one or both(your choice) in a relaxed way and tell them,it also helps if you can come across as being calm and confident.It only needs to be a short statement,one of my own is-:just thought i would tell you,ive come to the conclusion that i am completely gay. That then puts the ball in there court ,if they want to ask any questions,have there say etc. Good luck with this,at least it sounds promising.
i think ure parents are really loving and caring fr u and always supportive of u...i think they will understand urr feelings dnt worry *hugs*
Yeah, I think you're right. Thanks for the support (*hug*). I think you're probably right. Actually, something I forgot to mention in my post is, just the other day I was talking with my mom and I was actually able to build up the courage to tell her that my friend (the one I mentioned that I wrote a term paper with) was gay and that I just found out (which was only kind of true, but nonetheless). She replied with a little bit of surprise, but she carefully asked me if I was okay with it, and I responded with, "Yeah, absolutely! Doesn't change anything for me." She said that that was cool, and we started talking about her day at work, so things went on as normal. I'm really hoping that she took the hint and is starting to suspect even more that I'm gay, but we'll see... What do you think, was that conversation enough to induce suspicion? Yes, but probably only briefly. My parents are really close and talk about everything with each other (seems obvious, but I know lots of couples who aren't like that). So I'm hoping maybe that built up the suspicion a bit, too (ironically, the concept of groupthink might be benefiting me). It was a few months ago, and perhaps, I'm honestly not sure. Very possible, though. It just kind of scares me when my dad occasionally makes a homophobic joke that I find a bit offensive... I think it's just in jest, but it worries me. Nonetheless, he's again very, very liberal, and thinks that Harper (our Prime Minister in Canada - he's a conservative, and that really pissed me off, but that's for another post) is an idiot for many reasons, including his anti-gay stances. Every time Harper does something stupid and mean to the LGBT community and gets squashed by the system for being unconstitutionally discriminatory, we both laugh . That's actually very true, and I honestly never really thought about that... but you're totally right, if they suspect (and I'm pretty sure they at least have an inkling), they would have reacted by now. You can't begin to understand how much I hope you're right. I would be ecstatic if they accepted me just like that, no big deal about it. I really, really, really hope that turns out to be true. That's definitely good advice, and I'll be sure to certainly tone it down a bit at first and ease them into it. Probably not a good idea to tell them that I'm gay and I'm also going on a date with a guy in a couple days - not that they'd be mean or anything, they just probably would find that really stressful and I don't want to do that to them. Yeah, that's probably what I'll do. That is, if I ever manage to get the balls to say it... my own fear of coming out makes me want to :bang:.
Bump. I was kinda hoping for some input into the following two fragments of my original post... :icon_sad:
