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a continually trending topic

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by jmonet, Dec 14, 2012.

  1. jmonet

    Regular Member

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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
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    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    My situation isn't different from many other people's I'm sure. Closeted, gay, balding, a sob story if ever there's been one.

    The good news is that I'm completely ready to come out, antagonists be damned. The only thing standing in my way is my girlfriend, I looked through the previous topics, and while I'm sure I may have missed something I couldn't find anything.

    I've been with this girl for 2 years, but I'm just completely coming to terms with myself. About a month ago, when I first accepted myself, I spent days in regret thinking about how my life could've changed had I come out earlier.

    I'm not necessarily worried about hurting her, I know that is going to happen regardless (although I am upset to have to put her through this, the short pain she will feel is nothing compared to what I've been dealing with since I was born). The thing that is holding me back is mainly financial insecurities.

    We live together and scrape by as is on rent. I know when I come out, she'll move out and I'll be alone trying to pay the rent here. I know I need to do this soon, but I'm worried that fear will hold me back even longer.

    Long story short, any advice or words of motivation on how to approach this?

    Thanks
     
  2. SomeNights

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    Coming out isn't a necessity for you to survive, however shelter is.

    Hold on now, you mean this girl who've spent so much time with your ready to just toss aside? Be careful, she may be a well needed friend down the road. I'd focus on her for a little bit. IMHO: She should be the first person you come out to. You at LEST owe her the right to hear it straight from you and not from all her friends.

    There is only one girl that I've "gone out" with that didn't know I had "alternate interests as well" and we didn't make it much past first base. Which is the only reason why I didn't tell her.
     
  3. jmonet

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    That sounded harsher than I meant. Of course I don't want to hurt her, I really do love her. What I meant was that for the purposes of this topic, I wasn't worried about it, like I don't need advice about it because it's inevitable. I needed advice on the other thing, the financial aspect.

    In a perfect world we could walk away from this still being best friends, but I doubt that will happen.
     
  4. SomeNights

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    I mean the financial aspect is simple. There are only a few things you can do with that: 1) obtain more of an Income. 2) Lower your expenses. 3) start selling assets(which only works for a while)

    idk, you might wanna talk to her and go easy on it. You never know, she might be hurt, but cool with it. I've heard of a few situations like that.
     
  5. FemCasanova

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    Hmm, I guess changing apartment isn`t possible? Do they have financial advisors where you live? Someone to talk to about finances? Is a change of jobs possible? Do you have.. ehm, trying to find the english term, you know, short time study courses (?) which will give you more credits that can help you get a better job? Gah, there is a Norwegian word for it, but for the life of me I cannot seem to be able to translate that in my head right now :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: Sometimes it sucks to have english as a second language, and not first :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: Sometimes a job which require little education can pay even more than a job that require a lot of education. Just gotta look at your options. It is hard to give advice when I don`t know how these things work wherever you are at.

    But yeah, talking to her about it in a compassionate and nice way (tears are good!) might make her sympathetic enough to stick around until you can improve your financial situation. Unless she gets really bitter about it. How good is her financial situation? Would it be easy for her to just move out and find a new place?
     
  6. inthedark4eva

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    Sexual Orientation:
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    Out Status:
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    I completely understand where you are coming from as I was in a similar situation. I've learned to live on very little but to still be able to be comfortable.

    I'm not sure of where you're from or what your situation is but two major (and unnecessary) expenses for people in the US are their cable tv/phone/internet bill and their cell phone bill.

    Cell phones can be eliminated. People think that they are a 'necessity' but in reality they're not. And there is also the option of an inexpensive cell phone (ie tracphone) for emergencies. I do have a home phone via magicjack....it's only $30 dollars a year but you do need a reliable internet connection.

    I watch tv via the internet. A lot of networks provide full episodes these days and you can also get something like netflix or hulu plus which is under $10 a month. I have an older desktop comp hooked up to my 32" LCD with a wireless keyboard and mouse which seems to be the ideal setup for tv via the internet.

    Another key point to living on an extremely tight budget. Learn to shop properly. Hunting for bargains can easily save you a lot of money. If you have dollar stores in your area, you can find a lot stuff there for a buck that might cost you four or five dollars elsewhere. Another good idea for saving money....coupons. Spending $3 on a Sunday newspaper can yield easily $10 in savings with coupons. Also, a lot of the grocery stores and others have a lot of coupons on their websites.

    Feel free to write on my wall for other suggestions. And welcome to EC!!!!