I cut myself and I don't feel bad. I feel better like the anger is gone. It didn't even hurt that bad. I'm not worried or scared I feel better. It stings now but it's okay. Why does this make me feel better? I hate myself.
It makes you feel better (in the short term at least - as you've already indicated, it didn't make you feel any better about yourself in a general sense) primarily because it acts as a coping mechanism. If you're feeling the need to do this, it's probably in response to some stress that you're going through. Do you try other methods of dealing with situations when you want to cut? Things like talking to others, seeking outside help? Or even safer alternatives to cutting, like squeezing ice in your hand or snapping a rubber band on yourself?
Hey, I've been there, I get where you are right now. I didn't cut, but I've had suicidal thoughts a few years back. It feels like there's a huge, overbearing weight on your shoulders, and you feel like you just can't carry on. Well, I'd like to echo some eminent people in the public eye and say, it gets better. I'm only 19, and just a year ago I suffered a huge bout of depression that lasted for a long time. I could barely function. But I managed to get through it, I persevered, and now I'm in one of the most competitive programs in Canada. And things are going to continue to get even better for me once I come out of the closet to my parents. So yes, it gets so, so much better. Don't for a second think you don't mean the world to someone, because even without knowing you well, I can tell you that there are people who care about you. I've read your posts saying that you've been having suicidal thoughts as of late, and I want to reiterate something - you only get to live once. Life has so much to offer, you have your whole life waiting ahead of you. You're going to make a difference to someone, probably to many people, so don't undervalue yourself. Stay strong, and remember that you can always talk to people if you're feeling depressed. Whether that's someone here on EC, your parents, your teacher, a therapist, a counsellor, someone you trust, whoever, there are people who want to help you out and make you understand that you're important. So if you feel like cutting, talk to someone. Cutting isn't a solution, it's just a temporary fix - you need to take a look at the underlying feelings you're having. I'm going to start sounding like a broken record, but above all you need to understand that your life means a lot. I may not be American, but I thought President Obama put it very well when he made his It Gets Better video. Watch what he has to say, and take it to heart. [YOUTUBE]geyAFbSDPVk&start=106[/YOUTUBE] If for some reason the video code doesn't work, you can just view it here and go to 1:46. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=geyAFbSDPVk If you need to talk, feel free to PM me, someone else on EC, or anyone really. We're here for you (*hug*).
