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Is there any hope/ mother issues

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Klutz, Dec 15, 2012.

  1. Klutz

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    I heard my mother talking about bullying gays in school. She said that society needs rules and for people to learn what is acceptable and not and they need some motivation to "step in line". I always knew she was a bigot. I always knew that if she knew the "real" me, the me I show my friends, she would be ashamed of me, and hate me.

    I've been trying to work on our relationship because I've been emotionally withdrawing from my family while I get ready to move out, and thought if I could get close to her again, she might not hate me. She once told me that she always wanted our house to be a safe place where the love was never questioned or given with conditions, because she didn't have that as a child. But, she already feels like a failure of a parent because she only accepted Christ within the past 3 years or so and thinks I'm going to Hell for being agnostic. She already thinks she failed as a parent because I support gay marriage and don't see anything wrong with being gay (she doesn't know anything about my bisexuality). She thinks she's a failure as a parent because my sister is liberal. It's like "oh no, I think you are an amoral, damned, corrupted soul, but I expect you to believe I love you."

    I don't want love in spite of all my perceived flaws. I'm a good person. I love my friends. I bring joy to other people's lives. I know that my questions are going to be met with a mix of tough love and wishful assurances, but I need to ask them anyway and hear both. Is there any hope my mother will still love me? Is there any hope of acceptance? Should I bother trying, or cut my losses?
     
  2. pinklov3ly

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    I think you should at least give her a chance, although I'm sure you've imagined her reaction. But for your sake, I think you should tell her, especially since you're moving out. I don't know why, but I felt compelled to tell my family especially my Mom. I had struggled with it for so long that I needed someone to tell me that it was going to be okay. Their acceptance, unconditional love and support has given me the courage to be who I am; I do struggle with it even though I've accepted it. If your Mom's reaction is negative, I don't think you should let it affect you. Given what you've said about her, she's going to make things all about her and make you feel guilty. If there's one thing about coming out, you need a supportive group of people who are going to make you feel good about who you are. And your Mom could very well have a change of heart.

    I think it's great that you want to come out, it takes a lot of courage because it's not easy. Perhaps, you should wait until after the holidays :slight_smile:

    There's no reason you should be sad during the holidays. And I know some people feel differently when they find out someone they love is lgbt. My sister wasn't too accepting of me at first, but she's used to it now. She's even met a girl I was dating, so some people do change.
     
    #2 pinklov3ly, Dec 15, 2012
    Last edited: Dec 15, 2012
  3. PatyR

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    Look, about the love matter: I'm sure she will still love you, no matter what... But regarding the other thing, I can tell for sure that she will take it bad and she will feel like a failure again... But you have to talk with her about it and explain what do you feel. Maybe it'll take some time, but I'm sure that if you give her a chance or a little time she will acept the fact that you are who you are and that you're still her child.
    Also, don't feel that you have to tell her right now, take your time: ).

    Well, these are my thoughts and my advice, it lies in you the use you give to them.