Nothing like a weekend with the family to realize why I'm so afraid of coming out! Nope! Nothing quite like it. Gay marriage is apparently "illegitamite, and wrong". Why? Bc the bible tells us so! 'Get back in that closet and never come out, or you might embarrass us and make us face the fear of the unknown.'' -family People, this weekend has hurt my spirit, and my confidence about coming out to family. Both parents have ample evidence that I am not heterosexual, but neither will ever acknowledge it. My dad is afraid of gay people for some ungodly reason, and my mom would rather pretend I am hetero and keep me in the closet. Dad made fun of an effeminate guy on tv, and it really hurt me. While I'm pretty masculine, it still hurts to see his indifference with gay people vocalized right in front of me. I'm sure he has t fully forgotten the gay porn he found 13 years ago on the computer, so it makes me wonder if he's trying to nail the closet doors shut. I've been to a lot of weddings recently, and this past wedding I told mom that I wasn't going to even get up to catch the garter bc I'm never getting married. I think I was trying to hurt her some, retaliating to this weekends comments. Rant! Sorry :-/:tears:
Andmow, I know it sounds terrible, but I always advocate people's rights to believe what they want. If your dad wants to hate on gay people, then he should be able to. You don't have to support or agree with that. On the other side of the coin, I have always found it effective to change what people think by setting an example. Note, this is not always a fast way to change their minds. You should just be who you want to be, regardless of what mom and dad want. I know that you love them, and it won't help you to say hurtful things to them. Let them know that you are gay, that it wasn't a "choice" you made, it's not going to change, that you still love them, and that you hope they still love you, too. It may take some time for them to accept it.
No, I agree with the previous poster. You are an independent adult, with opinions and values seperate from your family. You have your life, your experiences and a lot of joy ahead of you. What they mean, feel or think on the matter is irrelevant. We preach a lot of tolerance, but sometimes maybe that includes that we should also tolerate a little ourselves. So, they are not ready to accept your sexuality. But that does not have to mean they do not love you. I would try to forgive them, as resentment rarely helps a cause. If he throws crap at gay people in front of you, leave the room. Give them a taste of how life will be, if they cannot accept you. If he tries to talk negatively about homosexuals with you, leave the conversation, and/or the room. Shut it out. Show him clearly how you are not interested in negative views on the subject. If he/they want you in their lives, they will at some point realize that it will require accepting the whole of you. Unfortunately, we cannot choose our family, but we can choose to forgive them for what they are, even if that includes ignorance and intolerance. That does not mean you have to sit through it. Give them clear signs when they exhibit unwanted behavior, so that they have a chance to change. And you are wonderful you, regardless of their opinion of your sexuality. Seperate yourself from their opinions, mentally. Have pity on them, for missing out on something valuable. Just focus on loving yourself, and accepting yourself, it is when it comes down to it the most important acceptance you will ever find. Hope you feel better soon *hugs*
I agree with this to a point, in that people should have freedom of beliefs/opinions. But outright hate is not okay. He's allowed his opinions, but likewise he has to allow you your character, and not beat you over the head with words like "illegitimate" and "wrong." You get the picture and are making your own life choices.
No, I agree, if it is downright hate, and he does not stop after having been given a clear message that it is not okay, then I would decrease the contact. I might have misformulated myself there, what I meant was he can`t really decide or change his father`s opinion, at least not over night. But by giving clear signals over time that it is not okay, then the father might change his behavior. I just don`t think reacting in anger over it is productive in the larger picture But I agree with you!
