hello everyone. Mine is a long story but i'll to make it as short as i possibly can. About 3 years ago i fell in love, with the first of two guys i've ever loved. We were both in high school and in the same class. I managed to be part of his circle of friends. It started off as a little crush but the more i got to know him, the deeper i fell in love. I could swear i analysed him terribly and i started to see "the signs". After a short while i wrote a letter explaining how i felt about him and i made it clear that highlighted that i did not expect him to reciprocate those feelings. His reaction: he outed me to all our friends and i think to all our classmates. I lost all of my school friends and started loathing school. As a result, i got terribly depressed and ended up dropping out of school. When i left school he started talking to me ( just his and hellos). I loved him still. Fast forward to now, i've picked up the pieces but i can't forgive myself for how i handled the situation. I never got to say sorry. I still feel terrible about it. So i sent him a friend request on facebook, i don't know, maybe to "mend fences". I'm not sure he this was a good or stupid move. I'd appreciate hearing what you guys think. ---------- Post added 16th Dec 2012 at 03:21 PM ---------- oh, i also said i thought he was gay (in the letter)
I agree with Night Rain. You handled the situation fine, by sending him a letter you didn`t embarass him in any way. He outed you, he messed up your school situation. If I was in your shoes, I would be pissed off. I would want to spit in his glass. Seriously. We don`t choose to fall in love, but we do choose to do nasty things, outing you, ruining how you felt at school was a choice he made. He should be groveling to you, not the other way around. This guy sounds like a bit of a dick to me, no offense. I know feelings aren`t easily discarded, but you seriously should consider thinking twice about how you feel in this case. You didn`t do anything wrong. He could have chosen to simply end the friendship, without further ado, if what you wrote was that uncomfortable to him. He should be the one who is ashamed, NOT you! *hugs*
Maybe it's just the academic in me, but he contributed to your dropping out of school. I could never forgive him for fucking up my life so badly. Sorry to say man, he doesn't deserve you, even as a facebook friend.
I agree with everyone else, he's totally the one who should apologize - you didn't do anything wrong (*hug*).
Don't see why you should be sorry about how you handled it - he's the one who went off at the deep end. You have nothing to apologise for.
Thank you for the input. I now realize how silly it sounds that i have to apologize to him. The problem was that i thought i had hurt him more than he hurt me( guess being in love with him got in the way & a once mutual friend had told me how terribly he was taking it). I've deleted the friend request. Guess i needed to hear it from someone else.
I am glad you came to realize it .. after I read only the first post and I was getting ready to just :tantrum: at you .. :lol: .. but really .. what do you have to apologize for ? .. if anything HE should apologize to YOU .. I am glad you got your life back together though .. and watch out .. I may sound a bit cynical .. but love can be blinding to some obvious truths .. I am just saying that based on previous experiences .. try to always take a second to assess your relationships from an honest neutral perspective .. it helps in making choices before doing something like what you just did ...
you're the one who wrote him a letter, in PRIVATE, and even mention that you don't expect him to reciprocate his feelings... then he outed you. WHY YOU SO APOLOGETIC? Also, have you considered doing community college and things to pick up academic things?
I wouldn't feel bad at all. He was the jackass in the situation. Even if he was straight and couldn't reciprocate those feelings he should've at least showed some understanding and let you know how he feels. Instead he acted like an immature moron and told everyone about your most personal secrets. You're not the one that needs to apologize, and quite frankly I wouldn't try to waste your time trying to "mend fences" with someone like that. You'll just end up more hurt than you already are.
@none, thanks for the insight. @TicklishFish, i think, in a way, i'm the one to always ''fix'' things, even when i'm not in the wrong. About school, i finished and passed my A levels (13th year of school) and got accepted into a great university and i'm really looking forward to going. At least now, going to varsity, i realise that people can be really cruel (i live in a not-so gay-friendly african country) so i'd expect similar reactions sometimes except now i'd know how to handle them plus i have you guys here on EC.
Uh, welcome to reality lol. People can be cruel. And you could be cruel to people without knowing lol. But good job on the bouncing back from school! also, sometimes, let people do the fixing. "Fixing" can be addicting
