1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

This may sound dramatic, but I don't think I'll ever come out

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by TotallyaGirl, Dec 16, 2012.

Thread Tools

Thread Tools

  1. TotallyaGirl

    TotallyaGirl Guest

    I really want to come out. But wanting isn't enough. I know if I came out now, and all went smoothly, I could easily be happy for the rest of my life, but I know myself well enough to know I won't ever bring myself to come out.

    Why I can't tell my parents: I'm a disappointment. Nothing I do is good enough. My grades, my music preference, the amount of time I balance between being antisocial in my room playing guitar, and sitting in the family room. Everything I do or say is wrong, or not good enough in my parents eyes. My dad gets mad and tries to refute everything I say. He's also a huge hipocrite. He acts like any random douchy kid in high school. My mother tries to be understanding of me, but gets frustrated easily. I have a feeling that if they find out their son wants to be a girl, they'll freak out.

    Why I can't tell my friends: I barely have any. The ones I do have would probably accept me, but they're doo pen about themselves (two of them are bisexual) that I feel like they'll have a hard time keeping the secret.

    Ught sorry this comes off so rant-like, I'm just really frustrated D:
     
    #1 TotallyaGirl, Dec 16, 2012
  2. Argentwing

    Argentwing
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2012
    Messages:
    6,696
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    New England
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Would it ever occur to your parents that part of the reason you're a "disappointment" (which sounds horrible used so generally) is that you're having issues with your gender identity? It's sort of a big deal I imagine, and can be distracting from other endeavors.

    And as far as who your friends tell, here's how I'd look at it. For one, they totally should keep your secret, and being non-straight themselves, they understand better than anyone why you'd want it kept under wraps. But on the other side of the coin, anybody they tell is somebody you DON'T have to tell. It's like automatic out status without having to worry about people's reactions.

    You'll find your strength sooner or later. :slight_smile:
     
    #2 Argentwing, Dec 16, 2012
  3. myheartincheck

    myheartincheck
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2012
    Messages:
    2,461
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    The Golden State with a Golden Gate
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    If your parents think that nothing you ever do is good enough, you may as well come out to them. They'll treat you badly either way so you might as well be happy since you won't have their approval anyway.

    Sorry you have to deal with that. :icon_sad:
     
    #3 myheartincheck, Dec 16, 2012
  4. dudedette

    dudedette
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2012
    Messages:
    97
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    In my Closet (-_-)
    Dude, you have the exact same problem I have and in the same situation.

    Can I call you my brother? LOL
    seriously though, All my friends are loud mouths. My parents are Homophobes and would disown me if they found out.
    And especially because I'm The successor to my father's blood line, he will commit suicide if I ever told him I was marrying another guy

    If you Want, you can message me bro.
     
    #4 dudedette, Dec 16, 2012
  5. LEZmis4

    LEZmis4 Guest

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2012
    Messages:
    699
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New York
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    I can sympathize. I'm not sure I'll ever come out any more than I already have. There are two people who know, and they, ultimately, maybe the only two who ever know. It's too scary. To that end, I also don't think I will ever date. That way, I don't have to explain anything to anyone. It's a scary, lonely place, though...but, it sounds as if you're not alone. There's a few people who seem to be doing/thinking the same way...myself included. (*hug*)
     
    #5 LEZmis4, Dec 16, 2012
  6. DhammaGamer

    DhammaGamer
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2011
    Messages:
    658
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Michigan
    Not sure why you would refer to a young woman as your brother ...

    To OP, gotta say that that longer you wait to come out, the more difficult it will become. If you have any plan of transitioning, starting early is incredibly beneficial. Don't come out until you are prepared, but keep in mind that if you are transsexual, eventually that bell is going to ring.
     
    #6 DhammaGamer, Dec 16, 2012
  7. TotallyaGirl

    TotallyaGirl Guest

    Sorry if anything came out wrong. My parents don't necessarily mistreat me, they're just really critical, and make me feel really down :/ I don't think they mean to but they do. They also unload all their problems on me, as if I don't have my own. I honestly feel that if I'm not in a serious relationship by the en of college, I'll run to Thailand, transition, and begin life all over again. Of course, keeping a low profile would be hard if my music career gets anywhere, which it is already beginning to do :/
     
    #7 TotallyaGirl, Dec 16, 2012
  8. dudedette

    dudedette
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2012
    Messages:
    97
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    In my Closet (-_-)
    Sorry to offend you or the OP. Its casual for me to call everybody that. I even call me sis that. I don't think gender, My only thought is that we are all human.
    But very sorryfor my inconsiderate post
    "United we stand divided we fall"

    ---------- Post added 16th Dec 2012 at 08:24 PM ----------

    To OP, I understand.
    In sociology they call it "Cooley's looking glass self."
    My professor says "if you don't feel good about yourself, change the people in your surrounding."

    I'm not saying to run from your parents, but to surround yourself with a more supportive aura. The supportive aura will hopefully lighten your load.
    I know it may seem hard, but it is worth giving a shot.
     
    #8 dudedette, Dec 16, 2012
  9. Jacek

    Jacek
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2012
    Messages:
    76
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Berlin but I'm from Toronto:)
    #9 Jacek, Dec 16, 2012
  10. Argentwing

    Argentwing
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2012
    Messages:
    6,696
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    New England
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    They are disappointed in you despite a budding music career? Who are they, Asian Dad and Mom? That is something to be very proud of.
     
    #10 Argentwing, Dec 16, 2012
  11. TotallyaGirl

    TotallyaGirl Guest

    No I'm not Asian. I'm in a metal band, and we're making quite a name for ourselves actually. I won't put our name, particularly for safety reasons though. My parents enjoy metal, just not the kind we play (as metal is a VERY diverse genre). And to dudette, it's all cool, I'm not offended :slight_smile: I prefer female pronouns, but I also call everyone bro, so I know where you come from
     
    #11 TotallyaGirl, Dec 16, 2012
  12. Argentwing

    Argentwing
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2012
    Messages:
    6,696
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    New England
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    #12 Argentwing, Dec 16, 2012
  13. TotallyaGirl

    TotallyaGirl Guest

    Hahaha oh ok lol, I've seen that one, it's just that I recently moved to a town where everyone is like at least partially Asian, so it's usually a valid question XD
     
    #13 TotallyaGirl, Dec 16, 2012
  14. Argentwing

    Argentwing
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2012
    Messages:
    6,696
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    New England
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Heh no problem. It's actually pretty sweet you're in a band. My video game design teacher is also in a metal band, and while it's not my genre of choice, they do sound pretty awesome.
     
    #14 Argentwing, Dec 16, 2012
  15. TotallyaGirl

    TotallyaGirl Guest

    That's pretty cool. I wish I knew more people into my kind of music, but all the ones in my school are assholes, and my bandmates all live like an hour away.
     
    #15 TotallyaGirl, Dec 16, 2012
  16. dudedette

    dudedette
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2012
    Messages:
    97
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    In my Closet (-_-)
    LOL, thanks for understanding my perspective as well.

    Good luck wih the musical industries, I would like to hear your music one day.
     
    #16 dudedette, Dec 16, 2012
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)