Self acceptance

Self acceptance really is the hardest part for many, myself included.

For me, it came down to realising I had a choice between being closeted and unhappy for ever, or kicking down the door and at least giving myself a chance at finding happiness with a guy. My only regret is waiting so long to do it, but that's life I guess. I'm now happier, more confident and I like to think I'm a better person than I was a year ago.

 

For me, the fear of being alone won out over the fear of coming out. It's helped that I have a good group of friends, including some who are gay who have been 100% supportive. I know not everyone is lucky enough to have friends like that, but if you just have one person who you are able to talk to will be a big help.

 

I agree with Given To Fly, self acceptance is the hardest thing to overcome and it takes some a lot longer for some people including myself. You pretty much described how I feel Given To Fly; I knew that I had two choices as well.

I can either hide behind a man for the rest of life while experiencing misery and lack fulfillment, both emotionally/sexually. Or I can just accept who I am and save myself the misery/heartache. It's taken me many years to become comfortable with who I am. A few things that I have really helped me are surrounding myself with people like myself and being here on EC--this site is awesome! Also, self help books have helped me tremendously. I think once you know you're in control of how you feel, you'll be able to grow and gain confidence. If there's one thing I've learned, you have to be positive at all times. One negative thought can ruin all the progress you've made when it comes to accepting yourself. And stay away from homophobic people; even though I know you shouldn't care about what people think of you. However, some comments can be hurtful/offensive.

 

Great post, pinklov3ly. Anyone ever feel like you had come to terms with who you are and your sexuality, only to have a certain situation knock you slightly off balance?

I'm 24 and a young professional with aspirations to have a wonderful career. I'm focused, driven, and have goals in place that, (as some would see as unfortunate) do not include men or marriage nor children. I knew I was gay since the age of 14, had my first girlfriend at 15 and although I've dated guys when I was first trying to figure this all out, I've never had sex with one.

I've come to terms with the fact that I am a gay woman.

But today at work, one of my co-workers who I'm really cool with, announced that she was engaged (she's straight, marrying a man). I'm truly happy for her, and our small group that she announced it to were all happy for her too.

But I must say that as we had our group girl talk, my mind drifted away briefly. It just hit me that I will never be married to a man. I have no desire for it. And what's more, if I were to announce that I was engaged to a woman to that same group of people, I seriously doubt I would've received the same congratulatory responses (I'm not out at work).

I've been away doing my own thing for years now; I haven't been to a friend's wedding in years, so maybe that could be an underlying current.

This is my path and I've accepted it; this is my sexuality and I'm ok with that. I guess I just wish I had the support system and the know-how to fully accept who I am. As time goes on and I get older I'm sure my family will start to wonder - they see me as very independent but I haven't come out to them either.

Like I said, although I've accepted being gay for what it is, today I just feel a little off.

 

What helped me the most was consulting the internets...which is what you're doing right now, so good job! Youtube has a huge selection of gay youtubers you can watch, which will show you that we're all just people. Regular, normal, different from each other people. They actually have a huge archive of coming out stories, which really inspired me a few years back.

 

Yes, this forum has really helped me GuidingLight. I've become more honest with myself and my feelings. We're like a family on EC This self acceptance is more difficult than I thought it would be :/

 

My 1st and only girlfriend to date is going through a similar thing. We broke up because her family don't approve of her being gay and make hurtful comments about it so she dates guys to keep her family happy. She has a boyfriend now who she has told she doesn't want to sleep with him. It's a very tricky and awkward situation. Before we got together she dated a guy for three years and said she wanted to cry every time they slept together. Because she has given in to the pressure of her family she's very messed up and troubled. I feel so bad for her and so lucky that I don't have that problem. However that can make me feel like I can't give advice when other people's views and reactions are important/damaging.

Although I got bullied a lot when I was a kid for how I dress so to an extent I can understand. I know it's not easy but you have to say to yourself "I am who I am. I'm proud of who I am and those who are bothered about it are not worth my time!" But I've always been headstrong lol

I'm scared about coming out and adjusting to a new part of my lifestyle. Going to different places, socialising and meeting other people. I just keep bottling out so much for being headstrong haha

 

I'm not sure how to advise on fearing what the general public thinks. In my opinion they are unimportant since they aren't people you spend a lot of your time with. They are just random people and that thought makes me not care but I know it's not as easy for a lot of people. I hope you do overcome your fear and can be who you are anywhere you are and be proud

The population here of girls who like girls are mainly quite butch from what I've seen and i prefer more feminine girls but that could just be my gaydar being rubbish unless the girl is obviously gay lol

Yeah it does feel like I'm just chucking myself into a random surrounding out of my comfort zone. It is quite intimidating lol

 

Do you know already what your families standing is on homosexuality? Since my mum had gay friends when I was a toddler so I knew she would be fine when I came out as bi now I'm in the process of coming out as gay I know she's still not bothered ^_^

I'm sorry to hear about your mum *hugs* My parents knew before I did. When I was about 14 I made a fly away comment about a girl on tv being pretty and my mum asked me if I was a lesbian, I laughed and said no I didn't even know I liked girls in that way at that point. Now I'm discussing with my parents that I believe I am gay instead of bi. My step dad has been trying to tell me so for years and has always told me I'd be better off with women. My mum's a little sceptical since I've dated men most of my life and nearly got engaged a couple of times to men, but with my step dad "backing me up" she's coming round

I think if you're family hasn't shown any signs of homophobia or even better support the LGBT community then I don't think you could have much to worry about

 

I hope so too sweetie. I wish you luck

Yes that happens a lot lol I like the way you put it

 

I was once like you and was struck with a gut wrenching fear every time I thought about someone knowing I was gay. Honestly I couldn't admit it to myself. It took my coworkers sitting me down and telling me that I don't seem happy anymore to give me the jolt I needed. I thought if this is causing me so much grief that I seem unhappy to those around me than something has to change.

So I think the first step is self acceptance YOU have to be ok with YOU. I found watching YouTube videos and this forum helps immensely. Now I am on the path to accepting myself. I think once you accept yourself you won't be afraid for others to see it too.

Also YouTube and this forum show you that you're not alone, there are many many people just like you going through the same situation. I am from a rural conservative area so gay people, or out gay people, are few and far between. So it definitely helps to see others like us. But yea, It's about being ok with who you are and then everything else falls in line. At this point I'm ready to tell my friends and parents, a year ago I would never have thought that I would be able to say that. You will know when it's time.

 

I love the L word. Generically I absolutely love Shane haha Alice is probably my second favourite character.

I couldn't imagine what it must be like having the same sort of feelings as Dana. Although how useless her gaydar is, is what I'm like haha It's such a pain! lol

Yeah when I look at pictures of guys I can appreciate how they look in the same way a straight man would. However when I look at pictures of attractive women such as Eliza Dushku it's a different appreciation haha