1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Something new

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by thinkpink, Dec 17, 2012.

  1. thinkpink

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2011
    Messages:
    90
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I've started to like someone who is M2F and part way through transition - I really do like her but this is new to me - I have quite a few questions and not too sure how to ask her them. The last thing I'd want to do is wreck this by offending her, any advice?
     
  2. Polter91

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2012
    Messages:
    38
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    East Coast of Nowhere
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    What are the questions?
     
  3. thinkpink

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2011
    Messages:
    90
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Like when will her transition be complete? What do I do in the bedroom considering she doesn't want anyone 'down there' until after reassignment? Which I understand. I want to ask her about how she chose her name etc, just because we talk about most other stuff but I don't want to upset her. I also want to reassure her that I do see her as a woman, she's worried I don't
     
  4. Argentwing

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2012
    Messages:
    6,696
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    New England
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    If you're using "her" and "she", I think you're already most of the way there. From my limited knowledge, transgender people are very thankful for others using their chosen pronouns.
     
  5. thinkpink

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2011
    Messages:
    90
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I completely accept that she's a woman, I wouldn't be attracted to her if she wasn't, but I have no idea how to talk to her about such sensitive subjects?
     
  6. AlexisAnne

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2012
    Messages:
    800
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Minnesota
    I can't speak for her, only for myself, but I can offer my perspective. I can understand why you'd be worried as it can be a very sensitive subject. First and foremost, to me anyway, your questions are all pretty reasonable and wouldn't offend me personally. Most of the things you want to know I would probably share openly with my partner and I'd gladly share if asked. Using the right pronouns is definitely an excellent step. I'm generally a pretty open person though. I might think differently if I had transitioned, had the surgery and was trying to keep it from my partner, but in your case, where the partner (you) already know, it wouldn't be offensive to me.

    Like I said, I don't know her, so I don't know what her attitudes are in those areas. As far as in bed... I have kind of the same attitude about "down there" : no visitors until I've done some remodeling. :slight_smile: I still enjoy foreplay, above the belt stuff, and pleasing the other person. Ultimately I would say when the moment is right, ask one of the tamed questions and gauge the response. If she seems willing to talk, continue. If not, then back off on the questions a little for a bit.
     
  7. thinkpink

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2011
    Messages:
    90
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Thank you - this is very helpful :slight_smile:
     
  8. AlexisAnne

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2012
    Messages:
    800
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Minnesota
    Glad I could help :slight_smile:
     
  9. eac74

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2012
    Messages:
    13
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I have a good friend who is FtM and he is one of the most level-headed individuals I've met when it comes to emotions. I can't speak for anybody here, but I feel like going through such a metamorphosis teaches somebody A LOT about life. You're right, it's awesome that you're using the right pronouns. I also think that she might be more willing to talk than you think...An adult talk about it would definitely make everybody happier, I think.